India Diary Con't.

[Guest guest]

Mon. Jan. 13

 

My trip to India is virtually over. It's a long

story, but there was no resident darshan today.

(I had been told I could attend to get a last darshan

from Amma.) V had told me that Mother might be up

on the roof around 4:00 p.m., so I went (for the

second time) at 3:45 and stayed until 5:15 p.m.

I finally just went up to her leopard skin and

cushions and just pretended I was saying goodbye

to Her, tears flowing. Then when I went downstairs

and on down the Temple steps, Scott (Manoharan)

was sitting there talking to some guy I didn't know.

It always seems he pops up in a helpful mood at my

lowest moments.

 

He called out to me, "How are you doing?" and I gave

the sidewise hand waggle that means "so-so" or "not

so great." He closed his conversation with the other

fellow and gave me a reassuring hug. Since a lot of

Indians were watching, I responded by reaching over

and rubbing his crew cut rather than hugging him back.

That rather strange-looking (appears half-witted)

swami was going up the steps at just that moment,

and he stopped and came back a step or two to tell

us that no touching between men and women was allowed

here. "This is a Hindu temple," he said. I just

thanked him, but Scott told him, "Thank you, and

I will respectfully tell you that I will do as I

please." The swami retorted that he was "on duty" and

carrying out Amma's orders. Scott challenged the idea

that he was on duty and asked who put him in charge.

He said, "Amma" and Scott challenged that too, saying

that if Amma had something to tell him, SHE could,

but he (the swami) could not. Then the swami left.

Scott said the guy was a fake, just wearing the

ochre robes without having been made a swami by

Amma. That explains my feeling all along that the

guy was wierd and so different from all the other

swamis.

 

To proceed with my story, Scott hadn't realized

I was leaving early the next morning, and said I

certainly deserved to be "in my stuff." When I

told him about being sad about no goodbye darshan,

he said he had an idea if I was willing to break

the rules a little bit. With his encouragement I

was, and 6:30 p.m. found us sitting in Amma's garden,

waiting for her to come down to bhajans. We waited

for a whole hour, but she didn't come. By this time

I was feeling like I wasn't being much like water by

putting myself there, but I very much appreciated

Scott's friendship and tenacity in the face of all

obstacles, (mosquitos descending on us, brahmacharis

suggesting we go sit in the temple, etc.) so I told

him I owed him a dinner when he came to Seattle,

an offer he happily accepted. I gave him my address

and phone number (having previously told him he was

welcome to spend a week at my house when he comes)

and we shook hands and said goodbye.

 

I thought that was the end of my chances to see

Amma again, but after bhajans, as T and I were

headed out to the eastern canteen to enjoy my

last meal of kanji, Scott came up and said Mother

was receiving visitors in the VIP hut and if I

went over there (in the garden again) I'd probably

get to see her and say goodbye. I told him no

thanks, I'd decided to let whatever happened happen,

that I guessed Mother would have to find me if she

wanted to say goodbye.

 

As T and I were finishing our meal, I see Scott

walking purposefully through the canteen. (But

then he always strides purposefully!) Before I

realize it, he's saying to me, "Mother's out here

walking around just talking to people. It's a

great opportunity to say goodbye to Her." I hopped

up and went off with him, leaving T to watch my

stuff. Scott coaches me on the way there not to be

shy and to just walk up to her. When we get over

near the western canteen, She's over by the water

trough, and seems to have just finished an

interaction. People are making way for her to

walk away from the trough, and I just walked into

this cleared, inverted "V" shape right up to Her.

She knew I was coming, it seemed, and she immediately

reached out and touched my heart center. Then I

tried to cop a darshan by putting my head on her

shoulder. I think she hugged me, and when I

straightened up, I looked at Her and said, "Bye, bye."

 

 

Looking a little surprised and unhappy, She frowned

a little and said in a surprised tone, "Bye, bye?"

 

I said softly, "I have to leave tomorrow to go home."

 

Catching my hand and interlocking our fingers, She

said, still looking pained and wrinkling her nose,

"Don't leave--come back."

 

All the people around went, "Oohh!" I was still

holding on to her hand and then she playfully, kind

of gently body-slammed me, and everyone laughed.

I still had hold of her right hand and She playfully

acted like she was going to take a bite of my hand,

like she does with the little kids. Her teeth touched

my hand and that's when I let go. It wasn't until

later that I realized that both that and the gentle

body bump/slam were gentle attempts to get me to

unhand Her! Oh well! Doesn't the tiny child always

want to hold tight to the Mother's hand?

 

Afterwards, I told Scott, "I think I owe you TWO

dinners in Seattle!"

 

He laughed and said, "I'm moving in!"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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