My Amritapuri Experience: Part 10

[Guest guest]

Continued from Part 9...

 

In the last episode I wrote about the thought I devoted to the form

of the impending communication with Amma. I may have neglected to

cover a parallel mental struggle to decide the content of my

communication. Such games are constantly being played out, in

infinite variations, one after another in the arena of my mind. In

the present instance, it felt rather like multiple mud-wrestling

matches going on at the same time in different pits at the same venue.

 

There were, broadly speaking, two main areas of concern that I was

bringing to Mother. One area, which I looked upon as being in

the 'laukika' (worldly) realm, pertained to the material situation of

my family and myself. The other area, which I tended to classify

as 'atmikam' (spirituality), was related to my own spiritual

progress. There were a number of focii of interest within each of

these areas. The medical condition of my child, a perpetually

unstable job situation and relationship issues (among members of my

family) were some of the pigments on the 'laukika' canvas.

The 'atmika' canvas was dominated by the brush strokes of faith and

practice. More on faith, in a moment.

 

I have not yet narrated the story of my first meeting with Amma. At

the present rate of centipedal crawl it may take a few years yet

before that particular tale gets told, if ever. My intention in

holding that back is not born of a perverse desire to stoke the

suspense. As a matter of fact there is no suspense at all; that tale

is as plain as the rest of my life. It is only in the telling that

colour sometimes creeps in. However the point to be noted at this

juncture is that my coming to Amma did not have any finality about

it. In some ways the drift towards spirituality in general and Amma

in particular seems to have been inexorable, even inevitable if you

study the events of my life but there was no specific clincher that

anchored my devotion. And that brings me to the issue of faith. I had

come to Amritapuri, looking for something that would either shake my

evolving faith in Amma as God and Guru or solidify it beyond all

doubt.

 

So that was one of the implicit items on my 'atmika' agenda. I was

looking for some evidence; my mind framed a proposition for Amma, a

challenge in a way, that ran roughly like this: "If You are all that

is purported, please give me some evidence. It does not have to be

big or grand or alter the conditions of my life in any appreciable

way but it must meet my standard of proof, a standard which I expect

You (Amma), in Your omniscience to divine, not out of my arrogance

but as a matter of course." I fancied that I had a bit of a

scientific temper and a rational bent of sorts and I expected that

Amma would know exactly how to go about convincing me. I was prepared

to settle for something considerably short of a published and peer-

reviewed finding in the Journal of Physics for instance.

 

I also mused about the propriety and prioritization of these issues.

Was 'atmikam' to take precedence over 'laukikam' or the other way

around? Were my categories, a priori as they were, even approximately

correct? What if what I considered to be spiritual was really worldly

and vice versa? About a year ago (but well after my Amritapuri

encounters), a senior Swami in the RK order whom I consulted told me

that it was folly to draw a line in the sand to divide the spiritual

from the material within my life and that an integrated and holistic

perspective was better. This basic idea, in spore form, had been

present in my mind even before the RK Swami brought it to life by the

addition of his 'teertham' (literally holy water, used as a metaphor

here, for his words of wisdom). If my 'atmika-laukika' polarization

dissolved in the face of such logic how would I decide on what issues

to prioritize? On the other hand, if I held on the categorization,

how would I decide which issues within each class to take up? My mind

was taken up with questions of this nature. I was a little vexed for

a time but eventually clarity descended and I was able to approach

Amma with a semblance of a plan.

 

To be continued in Part 11...

 

Om Amriteshwaryai Namah

 

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