Mothers grace....

[Guest guest]

Hi All,

 

Hope this is beneficially for all. For html version

goto

 

http://64.162.150.71/Jason'sWords.htm

 

I just found this while searching in google about our beloved AMMA.

 

-Ohm Amritheswaryay namah

 

manesh

 

 

 

Jason In New York, 1991

 

Introduction

Hey homeboys and girls. Thank you for clicking this button. As you

probably know, I am a guitarist/musician. You also probably know I

have had amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS or Lou Gehrig's disease)

for 12 years. In 1989, doctors told me I would probably die in 3 to

5 years. What you probably don't know is why I am still alive, and

why in the past four years I haven't gotten any worse, only better.

I have gained at least 30 pounds and three muscles, and this is with

a few months here and there of getting off health food and

treatments.

 

What follows is a hint of the nature of the book I am currently

writing. Since most of this article was written for a spiritual

magazine called "Self Realization", it leans toward that aspect of

my life. My book will have much more music and other stories about

dealing with ALS, as well as more spiritual stuff.

 

Please take what you want and leave the rest. I sincerely hope you

enjoy yourselves while reading this.

 

Included are other web sites or names that help and inspire me.

Thanks.

 

By the way, Ammachi is my guru. Yogananda's teachings, in

themselves, are perfectly wonderful and, as you will see, they work.

But to have a mahatma living like Amma, that you can actually talk

to, and touch is the greatest thing one could hope for. An

organization like "Self Realization Fellowship" sometimes thinks it

can interpret the master's teachings and not just let them stand on

their own. All I am saying is no one religion or organization has a

patent on enlightenment. Follow your own heart.

 

 

 

Part One

 

My Life, Music, Disease and Yogananda

 

Before I tell a little about my life and start gushing over

Paramahansa Yogananda and Ammachi, let me say it is not my place to

tell anyone how to live or think. Most of my beautiful friends are

not Self-Realization Fellowship members, although they respect

Yogananda and Ammachi. I just think this could be a neat story that

might increase one's own faith, from wherever it stems.

 

 

Ammachi Paramahansa Yogananda

 

 

When my parents (my first gurus) were young, they read Autobiography

of a Yogi. So while I was growing up, I sometimes saw Yogananda's

picture on the front cover. Even when I was a toddler I

thought, "this guy has all the answers", just from the photo.

 

 

 

Painting by Gary Becker

Jason's Parents Gary & Pat Becker

 

 

My father, Gary, played classical guitar and my uncle, Ron, played

blues guitar so I wanted to be a guitar hero. I loved Bob Dylan,

Robbie Robertson, and Eric Clapton; then Jeff Beck, Jimi Hendrix,

Stevie Ray Vaughan and Eddie Van Halen. From age five on I

constantly practiced and visualized being a great musician. I

absorbed every kind of music I heard; classical, Indian, Japanese,

Native American, jazz, blues, rock - whatever I could find. I

performed at school and little coffeehouses from sixth grade on.

 

 

Jason's Uncle Ron Becker

 

When I was in elementary school there was a creek right around the

corner where my family and friends would play. The Richmond SRF

Temple was built right above it. While walking home from high

school, my friends would take SRF literature and read it sort of

mockingly, although the meaning couldn't be mocked. I laughed with

them but always said, "He is right though. This guy knows

everything." At the time, though, I thought I also knew everything

because I was a very good guitarist and giving lessons to even my

music teacher.

 

 

 

 

Jason (3 years old)

Jason (12 years old)

Jason's Senior Portrait

 

 

At sixteen I met my friend, Marty Friedman, a great guitarist, who

had already made a few records. We made four albums of virtuoso-type

guitar playing together, and played in Japan and across the U.S. We

never got mega-famous together but we are known all over the world

for our innovative style. In 1989, I left to do my own music only. I

joined David Lee Roth's band when I was 20. Every guitarist would

have killed for this gig because the two previous guitarists, Eddie

Van Halen and Steve Vai were respected

 

 

 

 

Jason & Marty in Glendale

Jason & Marty in Cacophony

 

 

stars. In 1990, I won a readers' poll for best new guitarist

in "Guitar Magazine".

 

 

I had been having a lazy limp in my left leg so I went to check it

out. I was diagnosed with ALS (amyotrophic lateral sclerosis or Lou

Gehrig's disease) and given five years to live. The doctors even

said don't bother changing your diet because it won't help. My

family was crushed, but I just laughed and said "no way, I have

things to do and I'm invincible." My father quit his job to come and

live with me in Glendale. I went to Vancouver to record Dave's

album, "A Little Ain't Enough," which went gold. The weakness

traveled through my body into my fingering hand and, unbeknownst to

all but my friend, Steve Hunter, I barely finished the album with a

shaky hand. I was also falling often. I laughed about it because I

thought it would go away. (See ARTICLES)

 

 

David Lee Roth & Jason

 

One night I dreamed I was running. When I woke up I forgot I had a

limp, so I walked totally normal until I remembered, "oh, yeah, I

have a limp". Then I immediately stumbled. That showed me that if

you have control over your mind, you can do anything.

 

Anyway, back to Dave's band. Since I couldn't tour with Dave because

I was too weak, I started recording on a keyboard and computer with

one hand because the other hand would fall. The writing came easy

because whole pieces came into my head without any effort. Having

great musician friends lay down tracks the way I wanted, including

Steve Perry from Journey and members of Bobby McFerrin's Voicestra,

took some time but with the help of my friends, Mike Bemesderfer and

Dan Alvarez, it was finished in 1995, and released in Japan. Every

song came from my heart. It has my guitar playing, full orchestral

pieces with flavors of modern and Baroque classical, African,

Indian, blues, rock, Native American, choral, Japanese, and fire

guitar. Now, thanks to Eddie Van Halen, 'Perspective' will be

released on Warner Brothers Records in May 2001.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Perspective" Cover

Eddie Van Halen & Jason

Steve Perry & Jason

Dan Alvarez

Mike Bemesderfer

 

 

The first time I felt like I could die was when my voice got weak. I

panicked. I needed something. I had my mercury fillings removed,

chelation, acupuncture, massage, and diets. I finally thought I

needed God, but I never cared or thought about God. How could I know

something unknowable? Plus, many religious people I knew were nerdy,

annoying, judgmental hypocrites. For some reason I thought you had

to be that way to be spiritual (now most every religious friend I

have is a great person who tries to live like Christ or their

favorite saint). I read the New Testament and though I thought

Christ was a perfect God, the words often flew over my head and I

didn't think I could know Him.

 

My father and I started reading Yogananda's book, Man's Eternal

Quest and I found out there were lessons. He called the Richmond

Temple and asked if someone could come talk to me. Brother Devananda

came and gave me Yogananda's book, Where There Is Light. He (and

since then every monk and nun who has come to my house) meditated

with me, my family and devotee friends. They all give me wisdom,

love and compassion, and even though they know there are higher

states than body consciousness, they never belittle my condition.

This wisdom and understanding from all devotees of Master put the

icing on the perfect, beautiful cake of Master's teachings and I had

found my path. My father and I ordered the lessons, we went to the

Temple when we could, and I started reading Yogananda's Gita for

hours a day. Also, sometimes my friend, Serrana, and my mother and

uncle wheeled me up to the Temple. There I met an inspiring devotee,

David Dunlop. He has become a great friend. He has brought many

great stories, friends and monastics to my life. He often comes to

meditate or just hang. His ability to see Master and Divine Mother

in everyone makes my family and me so comfortable and uplifted that

we can't help but share even our darkest secrets. We also see

Yogananda work through him.

 

 

 

 

Serrana

David Dunlop & Jason

 

 

I could only do the lesson exercises in my head, but this never

discouraged me because Master always includes us disabled folks. He

doesn't give us excuses. He always says if you can't do everything,

you can at least do it in your mind. He means it when he says God is

for all.

 

In 1996, I could barely breathe unless I was totally reclined. Lack

of air and so much fear made me very angry much of the time. This

anger compounded because I got mad at myself for getting mad.

Finally, in February 1997, I reluctantly went to get a tracheostomy

(a tube through my throat for breathing) and a gastrostomy (a tube

through my abdomen into my stomach for liquids). When I first got to

the hospital I hadn't slept for three days. I lay down and stopped

breathing. Everyone was happy I was finally resting. My girlfriend

came in and started worrying because I responded to nothing. After

trying to comfort the ignorant lay people of my family, the doctor

finally looked at my chart and me and realized I needed a breathing

mask. I had carbon dioxide poisoning. I was close to being a veggie.

I am so sorry for people whose lives slip away by human mistakes. I

guess it was meant to be, but dang!

 

I only remember a few minutes of the next week. I had never taken

any drug in my life. They had me on morphine and although I needed

it and sometimes it felt good and helped me sleep, it made me feel

even less in control and thus very angry with everyone, especially

nurses.

 

When I finally came to, I had two brand new shiny holes in my body.

I was scared to death, and a groin pain that had been bothering me

for a while (which I later found out was excessive air from

swallowing) became excruciating every time I coughed or moved. No

doctors gave any importance to it because they didn't have an

answer. Only a month later did I discover I could remove cups of air

out of the tummy tube, and all pain went away for good.

 

The hospital staff wanted my family out, but only my family could

communicate with me. My father invented an ingenious alphabet board

with which there is no waiting and pointing like with most boards.

Each letter is indicated by two specific eye movements. I can say

anything I want very quickly. As soon as the staff saw that my

family was not going to leave me for a second - out of love and

necessity and not just to complain about the job they were doing -

they were happy to have help.

 

One particular event in the hospital changed my life. I hadn't slept

for well over 36 hours. Every hour or two a nurse came in to stick a

tube down my throat to suction out mucous from my lungs. This made

me violently cough which made my groin unbearably painful. I felt

that one more suction would literally kill me. I prayed to God very

sincerely to not let me die without knowing the point of it all and

learning more about Him. This night at 4:00 AM, my girlfriend was

too exhausted to wake up. The nurse who then came in knew I was

frantically trying to say no to suction, but she said, "I am just

doing my job." She wouldn't wake my girlfriend up. When she finally

left I lay in the dark feeling raped. I felt the life start to leave

my body. My eyes were open but I couldn't even tense one muscle. I

started to black out. All at once I heard distant voices of people I

love. After all this hellish fear and confusion, the good stuff

began.

 

 

Sanskrit Symbol for OM

 

While I was still dying, I heard the OM. I felt I was being cradled

by something familiar. In one silly vibration - such power, love,

infinite wisdom, everything to be known and felt if only I could

comprehend one tiny piece of its all-encompassing perfection. During

these most blissful moments of my life, something in my heart

said, "Lord, I am not ready to go". Instantly I felt life coming

back to my body. My eyes were uncontrollably lifted to gaze in my

forehead. Without a body, clearer than "life", I went through a door

with an eye on it. I believe God was showing me "heaven". It was my

idea of a perfect place. Whatever I thought was effortlessly

manifest. In my mind I created a guitar and hands to play it. From

my mind effortlessly flowed the most beautiful music I have ever

heard. Before I even thought of the next perfect phrase it would

flow into the ears. I think God was showing me the human potential.

We work so hard but if we surrender to God there is no limit to our

capabilities. After God was finished trying to teach something to

this egotistic knucklehead, my eyes fell back down to my girlfriend

sleeping on a cot in the hospital. As I slowly gathered myself and

realized the incredible blessing I had received, I felt only love. I

tried to remember anger and pain but they were all gone. When the

nurse came back and my girlfriend woke up, a glow filled the room.

We all could only smile. We all became good friends and talked a

lot. From then on I made many nurse and doctor friends.

 

Without having read Yogananda's lessons, this Grace of God (or my

awareness of it) might have ended with this experience. But now I

was fired up because Master's words were proven. Every moment I

could, I practiced the techniques and for once I could pray from my

heart. God gave me many more lessons and visions. Words are

inadequate to describe these. I am speechless in God's love and

perfection. He showed me that I would never truly leave the people I

love. And God is playful. When I would start to drift off to sleep,

He would gently but firmly tap my foot to wake me up. After a few

times of opening my eyes to see no one there, I knew he was playing

with me. God didn't want me to sleep, He was having fun in our

loving exchanges. Since this great couple of weeks I haven't kept up

the intensity, but I will always know God is with me, guiding me,

ready to play, teach and love.

 

I hung pictures of the SRF Gurus in my hospital room. I had dim

lighting and meditation music playing as often as possible. The

staff always came into my room to relax and talk with my family to

get away from the hectic hospital environment. (Click on individual

photos to learn more.)

 

 

 

I talk a lot about doing things myself, but I am slowly seeing God

does everything. And I could do nothing without my parents, brother

Ehren, former girlfriend and best friend Serrana, girlfriend

Marilyn, and huge team of family and friends. The doctor wanted to

teach me a lesson for choosing to get a tracheostomy instead of

politely dying. This was actually told to my mother, plus many more

horrible things she can't even talk about. The doctor almost

insisted I be put in a hospital for life. My Mom realized that she

was dealing with a person who had forgotten the heart. Mom fought

with love, confidence and peaceful determination. Of course she won

and I went home. I eat way less than nurses tell me to (8 cans of

Jevity or 2,000 calories). Mostly I eat fresh fruit and vegetable

juices, vitamins, nuts, and once a week, eggs, beans or something

cooked. I sometimes even fast on juice. Since this diet, I have

gained over forty pounds. I have been doing Kriya Yoga since

October, 1997, only in my mind. It is awesome anyway.

 

 

 

 

Ehren

Jason & Marilyn

 

 

 

Now that my parents have seen the infinite ways Paramahansa

Yogananda and Divine Mother are literally with me and with them,

they faithfully read the Lessons and know they are not alone. The

Richmond SRF Temple always sends my parents and me beautiful flowers.

 

People wonder how I can be happy and excited about life with no

movement, voice, or breathing without a machine. The most obvious

reasons are a great family and friends showering me with affection.

I constantly feel love and respect from everyone I meet and from

fans around the world. Plus, in addition to "Perspective" coming out

in 2001, I have three CD's worth of guitar material that I recorded

at home while I could still play, ready to be released, an

instructional video for guitarists, and a ten-minute video

for "Perspective" with a full orchestra, a ballet, and my father's

paintings. Plus, this SRF article that I have written with my eyes

has inspired me to start writing my book. I am also trying to get

funding for a computer that reads my eye movements. With this

computer I could also record the music that is in my head, and write

a book. And I am doing a treatment called the Wet Cell Battery,

advised for ALS by the Sleeping Prophet, Edgar Cayce. I can move

three new muscles that were gone for years, and my body is looser.

 

These things are indispensable, no doubt, but there is something

subtle which is growing more tangible every day (or I should say

every month because I still make many mistakes, so I only see my

progress when I look back and reflect). The constancy of ALS can be

overwhelming. There is never a lunch hour or even a second break.

Not only during my four hours a day of attempted meditation (or, as

I call it, swallowtation, because spit rolls down my throat causing

me to swallow a lot), but most minutes of the day I feel an inner

peace. I know Master is taking most of the hell away, literally.

 

I once read a story about Master's favorite disciple, Rajarsi

Janakananda. Master had left the body. During Rajarsi's last couple

of years, he had a painful brain tumor, yet he was peaceful. He said

Master often came into his body to take on the pain himself. I know

Master loves his most mistake-ridden, forgetful, arrogant devotees

like me as much as his favorite disciples. A dream-vision my mother

had, proved what I already felt.

 

One day I was meditating. Mom lay down in front of me. She drifted

and then something made her look at me. Instead of me, Yogananda was

in my wheelchair with a tube in his throat. He was breathing like

me, looking at my mom with a big smile on his face. Mom closed and

opened her eyes to see me suddenly jerk. I think Yogananda was

giving me a break and my jerk was him leaving my body.

 

Master has taught me to love and respect saints of all religions.

Thanks to Yogananda I am open to learn from Jesus and every saint I

read about. A few times I have gone to see a great saint and healer,

Mata Amritanandamayi, or Ammachi. Since I have a picture of

Yogananda on my wheelchair, people always come up to talk about Him

and are happy to know about the Richmond SRF Temple. The last day

Ammachi was here, I was feeling a little guilty because I feel such

love for her (even though Master is always in my mind). When I got

home, there was a personal letter from the Mother Center with rose

petals blessed at Guruji's shrine. To me Master was saying, "I am

always with you wherever you are. I know what is in your heart."

 

 

Part Two

 

Ammachi

 

I was first introduced to Ammachi around August, 1997, by a friend

from Self Realization Fellowship. He thought I would identify and

connect with her intense suffering and complete rise above it. He

gave me her biography. I was so content with Yogananda, that I

wasn't searching for anything else. But just looking at her picture

even before I read the book, floored me. I was instantly infatuated

for life. That day I started counting the days to her November visit

to San Ramon.

 

Every word I read drew me deeper into her. The music I heard and the

ceremonies I saw on a video were weird to me at first, but her

perfect love and presence made me know that was my problem and I

would soon get over it.

 

After reading in a couple of her books of people crying when they

meet her, I was a little nervous that I would do the same because I

can't hide my face. When I went for my first Darshan she was so

sweet to me. She rubbed my legs, arms, chest and smothered my whole

face with sandlewood paste and sacred ash. It was awesome but I

didn't cry so I thought I was safe. But when I wheeled back a few

feet and saw her hug my father, I lost it. To see someone treating

my big, bad, tough, smart father like her little boy was pretty

neat. He didn't have to be the responsible one for a minute. He

could just lay in Amma's lap and get loved. Then I thought that she

does this for millions of people. And not only for that minute does

she take our burdens if we let her. She will take all our burdens

regardless of how good or bad we think we are. She looked at me

crying with such an understanding face it melted me while my friend,

Dave, rubbed my shoulders.

 

Before her next visit in June, I had been taking lortab (liquid

vicadin) almost every day for months because it got rid of my

intense runny nose. I had been feeling bad for not having the

strength to stop, but if I didn't take it someone would have to

constantly wipe my nose. I didn't want to take drugs around Amma, so

I prayed to not need it during her visit. Eight days before she came

I was able to stop taking it. I was grateful to get through the two

weeks but now it has been six months since I took any drug, and I

never feel like taking it, so I haven't. Amma is the supreme drug.

 

During this June visit I had a couple of wishes that weren't really

big deals or what I would feel comfortable asking for. First, I had

the wish for Amma to feed me a chocolate kiss.

 

She gives every one of the thousands of people she hugs and blesses

a blessed Hershey's kiss, but almost never puts it in their mouths.

I had been to see her a few times but the very day I had the secret

wish for her to put the kiss in my mouth, she did. Ok, neat

coincidence.

 

My second silent wish might seem pretty strange to most people and I

certainly don't blame them. Most of my life when any spiritual talk

started I just tuned out and thought, "let's just have fun and jam,

man." I always thought there was something phony, grasping,

judgmental and arrogant in assuming that you knew something too deep

and mysterious for anyone to really know. But this is why I love

Yogananda so much. No matter what your religious faith or even if

you are an atheist or agnostic, like I was, you can scientifically

prove the existence of God to yourself without having to worry if

you are putting your trust in someone who doesn't really know God.

Yogananda gives scientific techniques for knowing God. If practiced

faithfully, they can't fail, whether you like Yogananda or not.

Another thought I have had in the past was that this world is great

so, why bother finding God. God is infinite, but one way I can think

to describe the feeling is a long-lasting orgasm in every cell of

your body and being.

 

So my weird wish was to have a little piece of Amma's hair. To many

people there is the energy, power and love of the whole universe in

a great soul. Even their cells are different. For me it is like

touching the robe of Jesus.

 

My prayer was answered in two ways. That day she grabbed my hand and

put it on the back of her head for a few minutes. Later I saw a

friend of mine who used to be a Self Realization Fellowship nun. She

gave me a piece of Yogananda's hair, out of the blue. I had never

told one person of my wishes.

 

Since this time, I have seen Amma many more times. There are so many

miracles and neat events that happen around her. Just when I think

of her, amazing things happen. There are so many stories, but

something makes me not want to tell them just yet. I need to absorb

them inside first.

 

(to be continued).....

 

Recommended Books:

 

"Amma: Healing the Heart of the World" by Judith Cornell,

www.mandala-universe.com

 

 

Love, Medicine and Miracles, by Bernie S. Siegel, M.D.

 

 

Hope Springs Eternal, Surviving a Chronic Illness, by David Atkinson

This guy's story about having ALS pretty bad, and how he became 99%

cured is awesome. I have talked to him on the phone and he is so

inspiring he would fire anyone up.

 

(Available from Baar Products, Inc., P.O. Box 60, Dowingtown, PA

19335; 610/873-4591 or 800/269-2502; E-mail: info; Web

Site: http://www.baar.com)

 

 

 

The Cure for all Diseases, by Hulda Regehr Clark, Ph.D., N.D.

 

 

Ammachi (a biography of Mata Amritanandamayi) by Swami

Amritaswarupananda

(Available from M.A. Center, P.O. Box 613, San Ramon, CA 94583;

888/524-2662; E-mail: books; Web Site:

http://www.ammachi.org)

 

 

 

Autobiography of a Yogi, by Paramahansa Yogananda

(Also available in audio cassette, read by Ben Kingsley. Both

available from Self Realization Fellowship at 323/342-0247)

 

 

 

Scientific Healing Affirmations, by Paramahansa Yogananda

 

 

Women of Power and Grace by Timothy Conway, Ph.D.

 

 

4 Blood Types, 4 Diets – Eat Right for your Type by Dr. Peter J.

D'Adamo with Catherine Whitney

 

 

The Illuminated Rumi, translations and commentary by Coleman Barks,

illuminations by Michael Green

 

 

India Unveiled by Robert Arnett

 

 

Fit for Life by Harvey and Marilyn Diamond

 

 

Stupid White Men…and Other Sorry Excuses for the State of the Union

by Michael Moore.

 

 

A People's History of the United States by Howard Zinn.

 

My response to the February 28th 60 Minutes spot about people with

ALS

 

This segment got my feathers ruffled for a few reasons.

 

They kept emphasizing that ALS is always fatal. Bullshit! I have a

tape of a woman named Evy McDonald who had ALS and was preparing to

die. She changed her attitude and now she is totally free of any

symptoms. The amazing David Atkinson had ALS pretty severe and now

he doesn't. You can read his story. Find out about his book in my

Recommended Books section. Also, I have been living very

productively ten years after being given the so-called death

sentence. Think of how many "healthy living people" have died in the

last ten years, while I have made two CD's, written a few articles,

and somehow make the coolest people like to be around me.

Each person loses different things. I am blessed, even though my

head doesn't really move, that my face still has some good

expressions and a big shit-eating grin. I saw some people in a

hospice who looked very good and had lots of movement. I definitely

don't blame them and it is probably not so bad. But I don't think

this has to be. Maybe if doctors and news reporters didn't give them

a death sentence without the other alternatives that have stopped

and even reversed so many ALS cases, they would have some fire and

hope. I also understand that many people just don't have enough

manpower to do it at home. Where are the friends, volunteers and

community?

I definitely don't think that guy who had Kavorkian kill him "wimped

out" at all. I have so many loving people around me constantly and I

totally believe I can be healed, and I love life, but sometimes even

I wonder if it is worth it. Maybe the people who "wimped out" are

the doctors who admittedly have no answers who didn't tell him about

therapies like the wet cell that could have stopped ALS before it

took most of his movement, strength and will.

All of these people with ALS were wonderful, but in just fifteen

minutes all I could think was "oh get real." Even though these

people and I aren't lying when we say ALS has made us better people,

we would all jump at the chance to be healthy again. At least that's

what I think. I can picture people, even myself, saying, "who are

you kidding?" Not moving and talking sucks. You have to get to know

the person before you can understand them and not just think they

sound and look ridiculous, and three minutes ain't enough.