Guest guest Posted August 4, 2003 Report Share Posted August 4, 2003 Part VII Lying in the grass once again as the morning sun shone in the sky I waited for the audio cue that Devi Bhava would be concluding. Though I'd been awake for 24 hours, I didn't feel like sleeping. The first sign came in the form of an announcement asking for everyone to leave a particular area of the floor when Amma finished giving darshan. I jumped up and ran inside when I heard this, although the program continued for another hour. In the meantime, my friend from Austin who'd been so helpful all weekend began coaching me on the concluding ceremonies. As Amma finished giving darshan I saw couples line up on stage with infants ready to receive their fist solid food, some with older children Amma would guide in the Sanskrit alphabet, and one couple waiting to get married. It was all very moving and I felt emotions surge through me as I vied for a place near the stage where I could watch it all unfold. Unfortunately, there were several hundred others doing the same and I didn't get to see any of that last part. Next we were told the entire crowd was going to move in a counter- clockwise motion around the room and Amma would throw flower petals on everyone as they passed by the stage. As I walked right in front of her, I was felt many blessed petals land on my face. It felt sweet. After I passed by, I jumped out of line and watched her continue to toss flowers on all her children. I was so moved by this expression of love that the tears began to flow again. I was falling in love with my guru. If there was any trace of doubt in me at this point, it was burned up by Kali Ma when the next thing happened, the thing that changed my life. The crowd stopped moving and I pushed forward a bit so I was closer to stage left. Everyone kneeled before Amma in Devi Bhava. In this moment, Amma seemed to summon forth the full energy of the Divine Mother. She swayed gently to some inner rhythm as she held her hands, full of flower petals, out like a bowl in front of her. Then she began to look at us, each one of us, I swear to this day it seemed she must've made eye contact with every single person in the room at once. She had an expression on Her face that was incredible, it just didn't seem human to me. I felt her eyes land on me and I was sobbing because she was LOOKING AT ME and I couldn't believe it! I felt her look IN me and that look shattered me apart and I felt myself expanding. All the while my shoulders shook with sobs and my whole face was wet with tears. I was crying out loud in public! I haven't cried that much since my father died over a decade ago. I was crying out of joy and love, but also because I loved her and she was leaving. I didn't want her to go and I heard myself call out "Amma" as I reached my hand out to her. I wanted to go with her. Once when I was about six I was changing hands at the airport in Corpus Christie. I'd been visiting family with my mom but she was returning to CA and my father was due to arrive at the same airport an hour later. I'll never forget that feeling of being a little girl and watching your mommy leave before your daddy gets there. It was terrifying and lonely. Though watching Amma leave was not terrifying, it did invoke the same "pull" I felt when I saw my mommy board that plane 25 years ago. If there was any doubt in my mind whether Amma is the embodiment of the Divine Mother, whether she is my guru, whether I was ready to accept her as both, it was burned up in that gaze she pointed at me that morning. Jai Amma! With love, Gabriela Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 4, 2003 Report Share Posted August 4, 2003 Your story is so lovely! After reading it I realized (again) how blessed and rich our lives reveal themselves to be when Amma finds us and brings us into Her arms. Jai Ma! Omana Ammachi, "MSoliz" <msoliz2000> wrote: > Part VII > > Lying in the grass once again as the morning sun shone in the sky I > waited for the audio cue that Devi Bhava would be concluding. Though > I'd been awake for 24 hours, I didn't feel like sleeping. The first > sign came in the form of an announcement asking for everyone to leave > a particular area of the floor when Amma finished giving darshan. I > jumped up and ran inside when I heard this, although the program > continued for another hour. In the meantime, my friend from Austin > who'd been so helpful all weekend began coaching me on the concluding > ceremonies. > > As Amma finished giving darshan I saw couples line up on stage with > infants ready to receive their fist solid food, some with older > children Amma would guide in the Sanskrit alphabet, and one couple > waiting to get married. It was all very moving and I felt emotions > surge through me as I vied for a place near the stage where I could > watch it all unfold. Unfortunately, there were several hundred > others doing the same and I didn't get to see any of that last part. > > Next we were told the entire crowd was going to move in a counter- > clockwise motion around the room and Amma would throw flower petals > on everyone as they passed by the stage. As I walked right in front > of her, I was felt many blessed petals land on my face. It felt > sweet. > > After I passed by, I jumped out of line and watched her continue to > toss flowers on all her children. I was so moved by this expression > of love that the tears began to flow again. I was falling in love > with my guru. If there was any trace of doubt in me at this point, > it was burned up by Kali Ma when the next thing happened, the thing > that changed my life. > > The crowd stopped moving and I pushed forward a bit so I was closer > to stage left. Everyone kneeled before Amma in Devi Bhava. In this > moment, Amma seemed to summon forth the full energy of the Divine > Mother. She swayed gently to some inner rhythm as she held her > hands, full of flower petals, out like a bowl in front of her. > > Then she began to look at us, each one of us, I swear to this day it > seemed she must've made eye contact with every single person in the > room at once. She had an expression on Her face that was incredible, > it just didn't seem human to me. I felt her eyes land on me and I > was sobbing because she was LOOKING AT ME and I couldn't believe it! > I felt her look IN me and that look shattered me apart and I felt > myself expanding. All the while my shoulders shook with sobs and my > whole face was wet with tears. I was crying out loud in public! I > haven't cried that much since my father died over a decade ago. > > I was crying out of joy and love, but also because I loved her and > she was leaving. I didn't want her to go and I heard myself call > out "Amma" as I reached my hand out to her. I wanted to go with her. > > Once when I was about six I was changing hands at the airport in > Corpus Christie. I'd been visiting family with my mom but she was > returning to CA and my father was due to arrive at the same airport > an hour later. I'll never forget that feeling of being a little girl > and watching your mommy leave before your daddy gets there. It was > terrifying and lonely. Though watching Amma leave was not > terrifying, it did invoke the same "pull" I felt when I saw my mommy > board that plane 25 years ago. > > If there was any doubt in my mind whether Amma is the embodiment of > the Divine Mother, whether she is my guru, whether I was ready to > accept her as both, it was burned up in that gaze she pointed at me > that morning. > > Jai Amma! > > With love, > Gabriela Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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