Guest guest Posted September 28, 2003 Report Share Posted September 28, 2003 Dixie, I have had those "it could be this way" moments, but I've decided that it very probably won't happen in this lifetime. I am using this lifetime to advance myself, hoping it won't take too many more to get there, you know? For now I work on detachment from the goal, and from everything else I'm so darned attached to! Step one - I'm getting rid of a lot of my "stuff". I have cases and cases of books that just sit there so I can look at them and admire them and think to myself, "Garsh, I'm so smart and well-read". Ick. I've already started boxing them up. It's funny how hard it is to give some of them up, some are like old friends that have followed me from state to state each time I moved. But, I don't need them and some kid out there would probably like to find them in his school library. Anyway, when meditating on what I could be working on, that's what came back to me - work on detatchment!!! Has anyone else had any direct exercise like this that manifests in "doing" something? With love, Gabriela --- Dixie Thacker <dixielou wrote: > > - > faintglow > Ammachi > Sunday, September 28, 2003 3:46 AM > My Amritapuri Experience: Part > 15 > > > Dear Faint Glow, > > You indeed do have an audience of at least one! > You raised a question that I continue to struggle > with and posted last week: am I not awakening > because I am in my own way? I'm still struggling to > find out why I have faith but apparently not > belief....and why, knowing that, do I continue to > mentally rail against whatI claim to want most? > > I have great faith that Amma is indeed an avatar > and I do know without doubt that she is intervening > in my life in myriad ways -and I know that, > ultimately, all I need to do is accept that as the > young man you wrote about did. And yet, my mind > keeps crashing about trying to explain this to > itself...sometimes I laugh that I lived in the "Show > Me" state too long. I am virtually unable, at this > point anyway, to let go of my mind and feel like the > proverbial monkey who gets trapped by a hunter when > he refuses to let go of the peanut he's grasped so > he can withdraw his hand from the trap!!!! > > Someone on the list agreed with me that > enlightenment should (and apparently does) occur in > a moment - the old "in the twinkling of an eye." I > get SO frustrated because I know within my heart > that this should be the absolute easiest thing to > do-it feels like there's a threshold and all I have > to do is take that one step across it and the whole > issue will be resolved -unfortunately, I either > can't find the threshold at all, or I know exactly > where it is and what it is, but have, for some > ungodly reason, decided to dismantle and examine it > bit by bit before I'll believe that it is indeed, > THE threshold! Intellectual baggage, I think, does > indeed bite us in the butt...but I feel like I > continue to be tempted by every new piece of > scientific Samsonite that comes down the pike! > > Does anyone else struggle with the "AHA! It really > COULD be this way!" syndrome while knowing full well > that the statement should be "It IS this way - case > closed, deal sealed." > > Namaste, > Dixie > > Continued from Part 14... > > Many months ago in Part 14, I announced with > needless flourish that I > would return to the chronological flow in my > narration. Life > intervened, and I found myself unable to maintain > the posting routine > that I had set for myself. I now return to post > with your kind > indulgence. However, I feel the need to deviate > from my stated intent > to stick to the time-line of events. In any case > there is no gripping > story to tell; all I have to offer is a jumbled > collection of > impressions. (There may not even be any audience; > it may all be in my > head, but that is another matter. For the present, > I shall hang on to > the soothing fiction that there is a readership > out there) So no > matter how we proceed, chronologically or > thematically, be warned > that tedium is likely to be your companion as you > hack your way > through my thicket of words. > > In the next few 'episodes' I plan to profile some > of the individuals > I came across during my stay at Amritapuri. > Although my interviews > were impromptu and weak in direction, some > subjects ended up leaving > indelible impressions on my mind. On the whole, I > came away with a > deep respect for and serious appreciation of the > ashram life. My > objective in this exercise is going to be nothing > more than simple > portraiture. In meetings that were totally > unscripted, I came across > a number of individuals, some of whom I found to > be remarkable. In > fleshing out these impressions I plan, in the > main, to place before > you the same basic views that I experienced first > hand. Expect > occasional light commentary but no other garnish > with this offering. > Elements in these portraits that grate may be > ascribed to the > impurities in my lens ie. my own biases and > judgments. > > "De Darshan Ma, Devi Ma > Ambe Ma, Bhavani Ma" > > I am listening to this bhajan as I type. The > invocation seems > appropriate. I hope She will guide me through this > post. I don't even > know if I should be here. From pillar to post, > that is the story of > my life. > > I was introduced to a Brahmachari. Let me call him > X1. The ostensible > reason for my being introduced to X1 was a degree > of commonality in > our countries of origin/domicile. He hailed from > country A and was > now settling down in India while I had migrated > out of India and was > now domiciled in his erstwhile country. > > X1 had been with Amma for nearly nine years at the > time of my > encounter with him. His age was about the same as > mine in biological > terms, but reckoned in Amma years, he was clearly > my senior. On my > probing, he told me the story of how he came to be > with Amma. When he > was 25ish in his original country, he was a > regular young fellow. > Whatever 'regular' is usually taken to mean. He > had not been > particularly inclined towards spirituality > although his parents were > old-line religious, Hindu traditionalists. He > himself had led > the 'good' life with girlfriends, alcohol, sports > and other 'fun' > things being the order of the day. There seemed to > be no overt > intellectual component to his personality either > in his rendition of > the past, or in the present where I stood > absorbing his account. I > envied his lack of intellectual baggage. For much > of my life I have > forced myself to carry a ton of stuff - > impressions, analysis, > doubts, theories and what not. It is only recently > that I have come > to savour the virtues of travelling light like a > business passenger. > Carry no check-in luggage, only a handbag with the > bare essentials - > that is the new paradigm, but I am still working > towards it. > > One fateful day, in the 25th year of his otherwise > average and > prototypical (of the average middle-class young > adult in any country) > life, X1 happened to accompany his family to > Amma's darshan program > in his city. X1 and his brother dropped their > mother and sister off > at the darshan venue, while they waited outside by > their car. They > were 'cool dudes' then and were not about to go in > and hug any 'Guru' > character. They barely even knew what was going on > inside the program > and did not really care. All they knew was, "Not > our scene, man!", > and that was enough. > > The mother and sister had gone into the hall and > there seemed no sign > that they were about to come out any time soon. > Smoking and fidgeting > with his car-keys, X1 had been waiting for them to > come out, so he > could get on with his life. Growing more > impatient, he put his > cigarette out and walked towards the entrance of > the hall, to try and > locate his family and discover what was holding > them up. At the > precise moment that he entered the hall, he saw a > diminutive === message truncated === The New with improved product search Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 28, 2003 Report Share Posted September 28, 2003 Dearest Gabriela, One time I asked Amma in my heart, "What do you want me to do?". I heard this small voice say,"How simple can you make your life?" I try to always remember this clear instruction. I know when I stray far from simplicity, I feel distant from Amma, more stuck in maya. Jai Ma! Omana Ammachi, Miranda Soliz <msoliz2000> wrote: > Dixie, > > I have had those "it could be this way" moments, but > I've decided that it very probably won't happen in > this lifetime. I am using this lifetime to advance > myself, hoping it won't take too many more to get > there, you know? For now I work on detachment from > the goal, and from everything else I'm so darned > attached to! > > Step one - I'm getting rid of a lot of my "stuff". I > have cases and cases of books that just sit there so I > can look at them and admire them and think to myself, > "Garsh, I'm so smart and well-read". Ick. I've > already started boxing them up. It's funny how hard it > is to give some of them up, some are like old friends > that have followed me from state to state each time I > moved. But, I don't need them and some kid out there > would probably like to find them in his school > library. > > Anyway, when meditating on what I could be working on, > that's what came back to me - work on detatchment!!! > Has anyone else had any direct exercise like this that > manifests in "doing" something? > > With love, > Gabriela > > > > > --- Dixie Thacker <dixielou@s...> wrote: > > > > - > > faintglow > > Ammachi > > Sunday, September 28, 2003 3:46 AM > > My Amritapuri Experience: Part > > 15 > > > > > > Dear Faint Glow, > > > > You indeed do have an audience of at least one! > > You raised a question that I continue to struggle > > with and posted last week: am I not awakening > > because I am in my own way? I'm still struggling to > > find out why I have faith but apparently not > > belief....and why, knowing that, do I continue to > > mentally rail against whatI claim to want most? > > > > I have great faith that Amma is indeed an avatar > > and I do know without doubt that she is intervening > > in my life in myriad ways -and I know that, > > ultimately, all I need to do is accept that as the > > young man you wrote about did. And yet, my mind > > keeps crashing about trying to explain this to > > itself...sometimes I laugh that I lived in the "Show > > Me" state too long. I am virtually unable, at this > > point anyway, to let go of my mind and feel like the > > proverbial monkey who gets trapped by a hunter when > > he refuses to let go of the peanut he's grasped so > > he can withdraw his hand from the trap!!!! > > > > Someone on the list agreed with me that > > enlightenment should (and apparently does) occur in > > a moment - the old "in the twinkling of an eye." I > > get SO frustrated because I know within my heart > > that this should be the absolute easiest thing to > > do-it feels like there's a threshold and all I have > > to do is take that one step across it and the whole > > issue will be resolved -unfortunately, I either > > can't find the threshold at all, or I know exactly > > where it is and what it is, but have, for some > > ungodly reason, decided to dismantle and examine it > > bit by bit before I'll believe that it is indeed, > > THE threshold! Intellectual baggage, I think, does > > indeed bite us in the butt...but I feel like I > > continue to be tempted by every new piece of > > scientific Samsonite that comes down the pike! > > > > Does anyone else struggle with the "AHA! It really > > COULD be this way!" syndrome while knowing full well > > that the statement should be "It IS this way - case > > closed, deal sealed." > > > > Namaste, > > Dixie > > > > Continued from Part 14... > > > > Many months ago in Part 14, I announced with > > needless flourish that I > > would return to the chronological flow in my > > narration. Life > > intervened, and I found myself unable to maintain > > the posting routine > > that I had set for myself. I now return to post > > with your kind > > indulgence. However, I feel the need to deviate > > from my stated intent > > to stick to the time-line of events. In any case > > there is no gripping > > story to tell; all I have to offer is a jumbled > > collection of > > impressions. (There may not even be any audience; > > it may all be in my > > head, but that is another matter. For the present, > > I shall hang on to > > the soothing fiction that there is a readership > > out there) So no > > matter how we proceed, chronologically or > > thematically, be warned > > that tedium is likely to be your companion as you > > hack your way > > through my thicket of words. > > > > In the next few 'episodes' I plan to profile some > > of the individuals > > I came across during my stay at Amritapuri. > > Although my interviews > > were impromptu and weak in direction, some > > subjects ended up leaving > > indelible impressions on my mind. On the whole, I > > came away with a > > deep respect for and serious appreciation of the > > ashram life. My > > objective in this exercise is going to be nothing > > more than simple > > portraiture. In meetings that were totally > > unscripted, I came across > > a number of individuals, some of whom I found to > > be remarkable. In > > fleshing out these impressions I plan, in the > > main, to place before > > you the same basic views that I experienced first > > hand. Expect > > occasional light commentary but no other garnish > > with this offering. > > Elements in these portraits that grate may be > > ascribed to the > > impurities in my lens ie. my own biases and > > judgments. > > > > "De Darshan Ma, Devi Ma > > Ambe Ma, Bhavani Ma" > > > > I am listening to this bhajan as I type. The > > invocation seems > > appropriate. I hope She will guide me through this > > post. I don't even > > know if I should be here. From pillar to post, > > that is the story of > > my life. > > > > I was introduced to a Brahmachari. Let me call him > > X1. The ostensible > > reason for my being introduced to X1 was a degree > > of commonality in > > our countries of origin/domicile. He hailed from > > country A and was > > now settling down in India while I had migrated > > out of India and was > > now domiciled in his erstwhile country. > > > > X1 had been with Amma for nearly nine years at the > > time of my > > encounter with him. His age was about the same as > > mine in biological > > terms, but reckoned in Amma years, he was clearly > > my senior. On my > > probing, he told me the story of how he came to be > > with Amma. When he > > was 25ish in his original country, he was a > > regular young fellow. > > Whatever 'regular' is usually taken to mean. He > > had not been > > particularly inclined towards spirituality > > although his parents were > > old-line religious, Hindu traditionalists. He > > himself had led > > the 'good' life with girlfriends, alcohol, sports > > and other 'fun' > > things being the order of the day. There seemed to > > be no overt > > intellectual component to his personality either > > in his rendition of > > the past, or in the present where I stood > > absorbing his account. I > > envied his lack of intellectual baggage. For much > > of my life I have > > forced myself to carry a ton of stuff - > > impressions, analysis, > > doubts, theories and what not. It is only recently > > that I have come > > to savour the virtues of travelling light like a > > business passenger. > > Carry no check-in luggage, only a handbag with the > > bare essentials - > > that is the new paradigm, but I am still working > > towards it. > > > > One fateful day, in the 25th year of his otherwise > > average and > > prototypical (of the average middle-class young > > adult in any country) > > life, X1 happened to accompany his family to > > Amma's darshan program > > in his city. X1 and his brother dropped their > > mother and sister off > > at the darshan venue, while they waited outside by > > their car. They > > were 'cool dudes' then and were not about to go in > > and hug any 'Guru' > > character. They barely even knew what was going on > > inside the program > > and did not really care. All they knew was, "Not > > our scene, man!", > > and that was enough. > > > > The mother and sister had gone into the hall and > > there seemed no sign > > that they were about to come out any time soon. > > Smoking and fidgeting > > with his car-keys, X1 had been waiting for them to > > come out, so he > > could get on with his life. Growing more > > impatient, he put his > > cigarette out and walked towards the entrance of > > the hall, to try and > > locate his family and discover what was holding > > them up. At the > > precise moment that he entered the hall, he saw a > > diminutive > === message truncated === > > > > > The New with improved product search > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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