AV50 Report #9-Amma's Birthday (last installment)

[Guest guest]

Namah Shivaya.

 

Couple of loose threads:

 

In one presentation Sri Ramakrishna was quoted:

 

³Wipe the widow¹s tears. Bring bread to the orphan¹s mouth.²

 

Some of you may remember a story I told awhile back on the list about

assigning myself extra seva picking up trash around the Ashram in the first

visit in 2000. At times it was a lonely task, and even led to ridicule by

some of the neighbors when I moved out into the lane from Sea Side Road to

the taxi yard. I mentioned this experience to my friend and room mate

Meenamba after arriving at the Ashram in mid September and she said Amma had

once said that when a devotee is picking up trash, Amma thinks of them.

Another sweet reminder of how Amma does find so many unexpected way to

communicate with us. This came 3 years after the experience!

 

Amma¹s Birthday (Saturday)

 

Since our plane was leaving at 2:15 am on Sunday morning, my companion and I

had to make provisions for getting our stuff from the Kamyakam to the

airport. Because we wanted to be at the stadium as late as possible, we

decided to take our stuff to a friend¹s hotel before going to the stadium so

as to avoid the long and unpredictable trip involving the ferry. My picture

of the day was to spend a leisurely morning packing and meditating and

heading out in early afternoon. My companion decided to go early to the

stadium and come back and pack and do the transporting later. So I found

myself in a stew as my expected early afternoon departure became late

afternoon. This was probably the only time on the whole trip where my

negative side really surfaced, as I quietly ranted, anxiously watching the

ferry come and go, trying to rest up for the coming travel ordeal, the mind

going on and on....

 

We got across the backwaters to the ferry landing sometime after 4. This

timing proved to be absolutely exquisite, because there in the landing yard

was a group of local Catholics surrounding what turned out to be ³Our Lady

of the Rosary², a holy statue that was traveling from church to church. It

had been at a church directly across the backwater from the ferry landing. I

had noticed the church every time we took the ferry back to the resort.

There was such an air of reverence among the people gathered there to watch

Our Lady come across the water and be moved onto a truck to be taken to the

next church. Once again this daughter was forced to surrender and treated to

another reminder of Amma¹s mysterious love. As time has passed since this

experience and the experiences around the trips across the backwater, so

packed with unknowns and humbling moments, I can only think of Durga and the

watery expanse of ignorance we face and bow to Amma¹s subtle lessons using

all of the conditions we faced in those circumstances. With every day that

passes, all those experiences feel more and more precious.

 

Our taxi ride with luggage to the Casino Hotel where our friend was staying

demonstrated that maybe our stay at the Kamyakam, ferry hassles and all, was

not really so bad. The Casino was actually much further from the Stadium and

through crowded main streets over to the real Kochi, which is a big island

off the mainland. The route led past some foul chemical smells, and the

hotel was very posh and very cold. So we deposited our bags and headed to

the Stadium.

As we arrived, the English Bhajan group was singing and Rasya¹s beautiful

voice was coming over the speakers in the morning program tent as we walked

by. The time set for a puja my friend had requested was coming up, so I

ended up spending some time in the puja tent, which was electrifying. I¹m

just too ignorant to even know what puja was being conducted, but trust that

Amma put me there then for good reason and felt open to the blessings it

offered.

 

Made my way to the Media Tent to say goodbye to our son Vinay and finally

went into the stadium somewhere around 9 pm. I was on a blind walk, having

no idea where I should go or what I should do. But I was thinking I needed

to connect with Meenamba because she wanted me to bring back a couple of

letters, and it was pretty much now or never. Headed for the side of the

stage where Amma had already been giving darshan since that morning. And out

of the thousands of people all around, ran right into Meenamba, who was

watching the performance of the Australian Aborigines on a monitor right in

front of her. I had really wanted to see this and it was like having a front

row seat. Then it was time to head out. I managed to find Tony to say

goodbye, sad that I wouldn¹t be able to hear all the wonderful music he¹d

spent so much time preparing, missing the Free Willy song....the separation

pains started to well up and I started questioning my flight decisions,

wishing I could have Amma¹s darshan, and walking away as the Irish music

started. That¹s all it took to bring the sadness to the surface. Tears

flowing as I walked out to the place in front of the western office where my

companion and I were supposed to meet to head back to the Casino for our

bags and trip to the airport. Bummed.

Just standing there in the perfect state for Amma¹s next leela to unfold.

 

There was a low fence made out of white pipe that led from the main route

around the stadium back to the house that had been built for Amma. The

purpose of the fence was to protect Amma¹s route from the huge crowds in the

main route.

I was standing on the inside of the fence near the Media Tent. A group of

Indian women, about 8 in number, was standing on the other side a ways

away, at the edge of the main route. My mind was fairly empty, probably

because it couldn¹t grasp the transition I was making from Amma to ....

Well, I¹m sure you¹ve all experienced that transition. Anyway, throughout

various experiences at the AV50 site, I had started to become aware of the

way Indian women hang together in a way you don¹t see so much in western

culture except maybe among groups of younger teens. I also noticed that the

same was true for the men. I began to pay more attention to the way the

women were with each other. And I began to realize that they appeared to

have a bond with each other that was foreign to me. This awareness fed into

a long standing personal interest in shifting from the western model of

competition to collaboration among women. Perhaps Amma¹s leela was

addressing some of those subtle longings in this daughter.

 

Suddenly I noticed the group of women staring at me and as my mind raced

toward its old theme song, ³Oh, my gosh, there must be something wrong with

me if they¹re looking at me like that...² the group came up to me as close

as they could get given the short fence between us. They spread themselves

out along the fence in front of me and a younger woman farthest to my left

began to engage me in conversation, probably because she knew the most

English. She asked where I was from and told me they were from Tamil Nadur.

Somehow immediately I felt like we were all from far off, all pilgrims in

this sacred sea called Amma¹s Birthday. You know how everything on the

outside begins to disappear the closer we get to Amma for darshan? Well,

that¹s what had begun to happen here. They ooh¹d and aah¹d when they heard

the name Amma had given me, just like the orphan girls on that first

morning. One told me her name was Meenakshi. Then they indicated that one of

them was very sad because she could not get Amma¹s darshan and they sort of

pushed her to me. Needless to say, the empathy was flowing between us. Next

thing I knew I was embracing her and singing in her ear and whispering to

her like Amma does and her body was shaking with quiet sobs and Amma seemed

to have wrapped Her arms around this entire scene. As quickly as it

happened, it was over. The group resumed its position on the side of the

road and I stood there stunned until my companion arrived and we headed out

for a taxi back to the Casino. Though I told this story a couple of times

after I returned, I found it impossible to convey the feeling tone that

accompanied the experience. All I can say is that it was a lot like the

feeling tone accompanying darshan. Once again it seemed that Amma had

exquisitely taken care of Her children¹s needs in the most extraordinary

way.

 

And some experiences I¹ve had since returning suggest that Amma really was

shifting something in me concerning relationships with other women on many

different levels, by Her grace.

 

Our efforts to get back to the Casino led to yet another mysterious event,

this one much lighter in tone. There were no taxis available, so we faced a

long ride in a rickshaw. Of all the rickshaws that we should end up getting

into, it was with the same driver my companion had been with the night

before for the trip back to the Kamyakam with some other people. And they

took up where they¹d left off the previous night, joking and laughing. Since

the ride was so long, we ended up singing some bhajans and eventually

launched into the chorus to the boat song and next thing we knew he was

singing it, much to our surprise and delight.

 

Thank you, Amma, for the boundless gifts given this daughter on the occasion

of your 50th Birthday, in your Compassion and Grace.

 

Humbly offered at Your Precious Lotus Feet.

premarupa

Aum Amriteshvaryai Namah