Guest guest Posted November 24, 2003 Report Share Posted November 24, 2003 My first retreat! It's so jarring for me to be back at work after such a highly spiritual series of days. I felt like I was flying yesterday when I was driving the car back home from the hotel. Then again, I felt like I was flying for most of the previous few days. Thinking back now, the entire experience seems like a blur. I didn't sleep much. I wasn't sure what day it was or what time of day it was for most of the time I was there. I slept when I couldn't keep my eyes open any more, I ate when I was intensely hungry, I drank when I was very thirsty, I showered when I was very dirty. I didn't think about these things most of the time; I just thought about Amma and about love. Since the morning program was cancelled, there were a lot of people waiting for darshan on Wednesday night. We decided not to have darshan that night, so we could get home and rest for the retreat itself. Our friends had just flown in from New York, so they were tired. It was the right choice, but I was so upset! I felt like a greedy child that had been denied a sweet after waiting for such a long time. My husband kept reminding me that I'd have lots of chances for darshan, but I was pouting like a child. I wanted to hug my Ma! The next day, the drive to the hotel was the longest commute to that area that I'd ever had! I swear we hit every red light, and were delayed in every way possible. We even got lost. Amma was working on my patience, I guess! Swaminiji gave a beautiful talk that evening about pure love. She said that Amma says most married couples nowadays don't have enough love between them, and that each partner must make up for ther others' shortcomings. That really hit home, because my husband and I had been bickering about the same sort of situation only hours before. There were several things in the talk that felt like Amma was speaking directly to my husband and me about our relationship – both positive and negative. We had darshan that night, and the entire time I was waiting in line, I was crying. I looked at Amma and tears rushed to my eyes. I'd missed her so badly! When I had my hug, I could do nothing but cry. Amma kept saying, "Ma ma ma ma ma" in my ear too, which made me cry even more. Whenever I cry out to her in my head, I always say "Ma ma ma" over and over. There she was, saying it right back to me! It was like she was letting me know…"I hear you!" Everything about my experience was beautiful. Even my husband (who was hesitant to come, at first) had a fantastic time and felt very spiritually uplifted. I figured he'd need to take a lot of breaks up in our room, but he didn't. He actually stayed with me most of the time in the hall. It was so nice to experience our first retreat together, and only a week or so before our first wedding anniversary to boot. I asked Amma for a name on Saturday afternoon. She nodded and said, "You go there" and pointed to the side. (And, during my hug, Amma spoke to me in Tamil, my husband's mother tongue. I somehow just KNEW what she was saying to me. Very strange, indeed! I later confirmed it with my husband, and I was right.) I was standing next to Swamiji, and he said something to Amma in Malayalam. Everyone who could understand laughed out loud. Swami repeated himself, and Amma looked at me, and everyone laughed again. I started to think, "What is so funny?!" Amma then looked at me in the face and said, "Niseema" and mumbled something else, then nodded. "Niseema. Niseema!" and pointed at me. Swamiji wrote it down. He said that it means "boundless or limitless" and told me that it is another name for the Divine mother. He then asked me to pronounce it, handed me the slip of paper, and I walked away still wondering what was so funny. When Amma was set to leave the hall, I stood and waited in the line. It happened that I was standing next to the woman who was directly next to Amma when she was giving me my name! She said, "Swamiji didn't write down all that Amma said when she was naming you. She actually said `Niseemasneyham' which means `limitless love'. It's a very very beautiful name that Amma gave you." I thanked her for giving me that information and asked her why everyone was laughing. She said, "Oh! We weren't laughing at you, dear. It was something else entirely." I saw her again later and we got to talking about what had made everyone laugh. She said that Swamiji had mispronounced a word, and it had sounded like he said that the short and skinny lady wanted a name! So, everyone looked at me (tall, and certainly not skinny) and laughed. For the first time in a long time, I didn't feel bad about someone laughing at me like that. It WAS funny! My first Devi Bhava – what an experience! It was absolutely packed; I think the darshan tokens went up to 4300. I cried for quite a while because I was sad that the experience was coming to an end, but I did ask Amma for a mantra. She said, "Yes yes". I was then directed to the WRONG side of the stage, where I sat for a good half an hour before I was redirected. I guess Amma was giving me some time to make sure that I was ready. When we checked out, it felt strange for me to be in pants and a teeshirt, and to be wearing shoes again and no pottu. Driving was strange. Traffic was strange. Everything seemed somehow keyed up, more intense, but also farther away and less serious. Not to mention the fact that it was 65 degrees outside – in Michigan at the end of November. I am sure that it was because Amma was leaving; she needs warmer weather. My marriage also benefitted from the retreat. We experienced such wonderful things together, and it only strengthened my love for and commitment to my husband. All in all, it was one of the most beautiful experiences I've ever had. I'm so happy that I had the opportunity to go, and I feel so blessed to have been there. I feel so much more connected to Amma, my brothers and sisters in Amma, my husband, and to the Divine. Many many blessings and thanks to all that helped us get there. Words cannot express how greatful I am. Jai Ma! With love, At Amma's Divine Lotus Feet, Niseema Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 24, 2003 Report Share Posted November 24, 2003 - Erica Ammachi Monday, November 24, 2003 9:49 AM Michigan program Namaste, dear Niseema! I'm glad you had such a wonderful time; I really couldn't wait for you to get back and hear how it went. Now, one question: I've never been to a retreat with Mother. Do devotees get to ask Her questions? I'd love to go next year and just spend time in Her presence, but think it would be marvelous to get to talk with her. Always, Snehalata My first retreat! It's so jarring for me to be back at work after such a highly spiritual series of days. I felt like I was flying yesterday when I was driving the car back home from the hotel. Then again, I felt like I was flying for most of the previous few days. Thinking back now, the entire experience seems like a blur. I didn't sleep much. I wasn't sure what day it was or what time of day it was for most of the time I was there. I slept when I couldn't keep my eyes open any more, I ate when I was intensely hungry, I drank when I was very thirsty, I showered when I was very dirty. I didn't think about these things most of the time; I just thought about Amma and about love. Since the morning program was cancelled, there were a lot of people waiting for darshan on Wednesday night. We decided not to have darshan that night, so we could get home and rest for the retreat itself. Our friends had just flown in from New York, so they were tired. It was the right choice, but I was so upset! I felt like a greedy child that had been denied a sweet after waiting for such a long time. My husband kept reminding me that I'd have lots of chances for darshan, but I was pouting like a child. I wanted to hug my Ma! The next day, the drive to the hotel was the longest commute to that area that I'd ever had! I swear we hit every red light, and were delayed in every way possible. We even got lost. Amma was working on my patience, I guess! Swaminiji gave a beautiful talk that evening about pure love. She said that Amma says most married couples nowadays don't have enough love between them, and that each partner must make up for ther others' shortcomings. That really hit home, because my husband and I had been bickering about the same sort of situation only hours before. There were several things in the talk that felt like Amma was speaking directly to my husband and me about our relationship - both positive and negative. We had darshan that night, and the entire time I was waiting in line, I was crying. I looked at Amma and tears rushed to my eyes. I'd missed her so badly! When I had my hug, I could do nothing but cry. Amma kept saying, "Ma ma ma ma ma" in my ear too, which made me cry even more. Whenever I cry out to her in my head, I always say "Ma ma ma" over and over. There she was, saying it right back to me! It was like she was letting me know."I hear you!" Everything about my experience was beautiful. Even my husband (who was hesitant to come, at first) had a fantastic time and felt very spiritually uplifted. I figured he'd need to take a lot of breaks up in our room, but he didn't. He actually stayed with me most of the time in the hall. It was so nice to experience our first retreat together, and only a week or so before our first wedding anniversary to boot. I asked Amma for a name on Saturday afternoon. She nodded and said, "You go there" and pointed to the side. (And, during my hug, Amma spoke to me in Tamil, my husband's mother tongue. I somehow just KNEW what she was saying to me. Very strange, indeed! I later confirmed it with my husband, and I was right.) I was standing next to Swamiji, and he said something to Amma in Malayalam. Everyone who could understand laughed out loud. Swami repeated himself, and Amma looked at me, and everyone laughed again. I started to think, "What is so funny?!" Amma then looked at me in the face and said, "Niseema" and mumbled something else, then nodded. "Niseema. Niseema!" and pointed at me. Swamiji wrote it down. He said that it means "boundless or limitless" and told me that it is another name for the Divine mother. He then asked me to pronounce it, handed me the slip of paper, and I walked away still wondering what was so funny. When Amma was set to leave the hall, I stood and waited in the line. It happened that I was standing next to the woman who was directly next to Amma when she was giving me my name! She said, "Swamiji didn't write down all that Amma said when she was naming you. She actually said `Niseemasneyham' which means `limitless love'. It's a very very beautiful name that Amma gave you." I thanked her for giving me that information and asked her why everyone was laughing. She said, "Oh! We weren't laughing at you, dear. It was something else entirely." I saw her again later and we got to talking about what had made everyone laugh. She said that Swamiji had mispronounced a word, and it had sounded like he said that the short and skinny lady wanted a name! So, everyone looked at me (tall, and certainly not skinny) and laughed. For the first time in a long time, I didn't feel bad about someone laughing at me like that. It WAS funny! My first Devi Bhava - what an experience! It was absolutely packed; I think the darshan tokens went up to 4300. I cried for quite a while because I was sad that the experience was coming to an end, but I did ask Amma for a mantra. She said, "Yes yes". I was then directed to the WRONG side of the stage, where I sat for a good half an hour before I was redirected. I guess Amma was giving me some time to make sure that I was ready. When we checked out, it felt strange for me to be in pants and a teeshirt, and to be wearing shoes again and no pottu. Driving was strange. Traffic was strange. Everything seemed somehow keyed up, more intense, but also farther away and less serious. Not to mention the fact that it was 65 degrees outside - in Michigan at the end of November. I am sure that it was because Amma was leaving; she needs warmer weather. My marriage also benefitted from the retreat. We experienced such wonderful things together, and it only strengthened my love for and commitment to my husband. All in all, it was one of the most beautiful experiences I've ever had. I'm so happy that I had the opportunity to go, and I feel so blessed to have been there. I feel so much more connected to Amma, my brothers and sisters in Amma, my husband, and to the Divine. Many many blessings and thanks to all that helped us get there. Words cannot express how greatful I am. Jai Ma! With love, At Amma's Divine Lotus Feet, Niseema Sponsor Aum Amriteswarayai Namaha! Ammachi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.