Renunciation

[Guest guest]

Ambujam,

 

Namah Shivaya! How wonderful that you've seen the Divine at work in

your life - Amma is amazing, especially when we sacrifice our vasanas

for Her/God's sake. When we have full faith in Amma/God, obey Her

teachings (and/or the scriptural injunctions, which are the same)

and perform selfless actions while sacrificing of our selfish

desires in serving others with love, our lives are filled with such

joy and blessings!

 

I spent a lot of time with the renunciates during my recent trip to

India. They were allotted a certain amount of food from the Western

canteen - I remember them being told often, "Renunciates can have two

chapatis", etc. I am pretty sure they only get three outfits, one for

seva and two saris for stage seva (at least the newest renunciate

told me that this was all she owned). I think *all* necessities are

taken care of. Renunciates can only go on tour every other year I

believe, and most ask Amma first. They are also assigned to a

particular seva by someone (at Amritapuri). That's about all I can

remember right now about renouncing:)

 

I am completely blown away by the sacrifices made by many of the

renunicates on tour (serving Amma with such enthusiasm that they

slept only 2-3 hours per night, if at all). One incident I remember

most clearly was when we arrived to Poona after an especially long

bus ride (not sure how long, maybe 12-18 hours)....we were EXHAUSTED

and just wanted to sleep - but one of the renunciates (young and very

enthusiastic, the epitome of Amma's teachings) took it upon herself

to forgo sleep in order to clean the entire bathroom for us because

it smelled of urine. I remember thinking, "THIS is what Amma wants us

to be like!!!!" Every time I saw that devotee, I felt such awe and

admiration for her.

 

In contrast - only a few weeks into the tour, I personally

experienced intense resistance to doing seva and pushing my body

beyond it's comfort zone (lack of sleep brings up ALL my vasanas, as

does illness!). Halfway through, maya started creeping back in. I

began longing to escape the intensity and ended up going out to eat a

lot, sleeping in four star hotels, etc. My desire for comforts and

self-indulgence and sleep prevented me from experiencing the tour the

way I could/should have. I have always had to struggle with these

anarthas, but I thought they were gone because I had profound

experiences for four months prior to the tour when I pushed through

my vasanas and broke through (with the help of Amma) to the 'other

side'.

 

The irony is that it is ONLY this kind of intensity - radical letting

go of everything that stands in the way of loving God & others,

obeying the Guru's teachings/scriptures, abandoning selfish

tendencies/motives while cultivating attributes such as love,

patience, compassion, humility, kindness, etc. - that leads to true

happiness (in my case, anyway!) Amma really showed me this while I

was at Amritapuri....the only difficulty is that I find it VERY hard

to maintain the same level of motivation when I'm apart from Her and

living outside of the ashram. Good company is *imperative* for me -

Satsang, the association of devotees. Thus, I am heading back asap!

lol

 

With love in Amma,

 

Niscala