Guest guest Posted July 24, 2004 Report Share Posted July 24, 2004 Namah Shivaya, Has it only been five days since I’ve seen Amma? It feels like weeks already. In those days I’ve gotten only fitful sleep and have been fighting a soar throat. I always get a bit sick after I see Her. I lost weight during the Dallas and NY programs. It’s all so much, and my family doesn’t know what to think of me when they see me lately. If Seattle was like cool water, NY was like fire. Coincidentally, Amma wore deep blue in Seattle and a fiery orange in NY. But it’s more than that – I felt like I was being burned in NY. Not sure why it feels like that, it’s only am impression. In NY, I did seva all through Devi Bhava, but finished just as She was giving darshan to the last twenty or so people. I ran up and sat on stage to Her right and watched. I cried from the moment I sat down until long after She left the hall an hour or more later. A small western baby, ready to receive his first solid food, wore a tilak and a dhoti. It was so cute, and the young man next to me said, “It’s a dooty dhoti!” which made me laugh through my tears. For the last five days I keep feeling like I’m not supposed to be here, but with Her. There’s no specific place, no plan like “oh, I should get a ticket to such-and-such and then I can travel to such-and-such.” It’s more like I just want to still be in the hall with Her, doing seva, watching Her give darshan, laughing at little babies. I want to be talking to those special connections I made in all three cities. And instead I’m sitting in the little back room of my liquor store, unable to tell the people coming in that five days ago I was in the presence of the Mother of All. Eleven months sit stubbornly in front of me. Eleven bricks, four layers deep are between me and my next visit with Mother. I feel Her within more and more, but more and more I want to be with Her physical presence. By the way, the burning feeling in NY doesn’t mean it was bad for me. On the contrary, it was incredible! The dynamism of that program felt like a huge pumice stone sloughing off some of the attachments I have accumulated. One more thing – Sitting on stage at the end of Devi Bhava, I had a vision, or impression, or daydream: Looking out at the crowd, I saw all these bright, upturned faces looking toward the center of the stage. In my group, and on the other side, there were more faces, brightly looking, smiling, crying up at the center of the stage. At the center, where Devi sat, there was an oval shaped, golden light beaming out, the source of the brightness on all the faces. I wept (not in the dream, but as I watched it) as I saw all of us drinking in that light through our faces. It seemed like there were rays shooting toward Amma from all our faces, all our bodies. Then, before I registered that impression, suddenly it reversed and I saw that the rays were shooting OUT from Amma, and that we were all Her projection! It was the strangest feeling! It stopped and then I was back to just sitting on stage. Missing Mother, Gabriela New and Improved Mail - Send 10MB messages! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 24, 2004 Report Share Posted July 24, 2004 Namah Shivaya all, Gabriela, your message brought such joy and peace to my heart. I think it is because I am feeling similarly these days. I saw Mother in Chicago, and it was as if I was coming home to a warm fuzzy blanket. NYC was so...so...filled with fire and chaos and shakti! At first, I thought it was just me since I am but a simple midwestern girl. I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one!! I miss our Ma intensely. I know She is in my heart forever and always, but being with Her always seems so freeing to me. It's a place where there is so much love in the room (even when my line seva duties bring angry people, waving tokens in my face!) and I am free to be me. Free to feel the love of our Ma and of everyone else around... I bought a mala in Chicago and it broke between my trips. Just now, one of my wrist malas broke too. Someone in NYC told me that if a mala breaks, it is a symbol that whatever karmic debt we were working on with the mala has been released. I'm not sure of the significance, but it's very powerful for me. What should I do with the beads? I went to work for three days this week and felt like a stranger. In the last movie of the Lord of the Rings trilogy, Frodo comes back from his adventures to find that everything at home is the same, but he has somehow changed and it doesn't quite fit. That's how I feel. My life, the things around me in our apartment, my job...it's as if they shrunk in the dryer and don't quite fit. Explaining this to my friends and family is quite difficult. People ask, "How was your trip?" very politely, but I have a hard time finding the answer. It was very nice, I say, and tell the anecdote of coming down 26 flights of stairs at the hotel only to find about half a dozen FDNY guys standing there -- in full fireman get-up complete with axes -- directing hundreds of people. Folks are usually satisfied with this and go on about their way. But my trip wasn't at all about that... Like Gabriela, I too lost some weight while in NYC -- about five pounds. I forgot to eat more often than not (which, for anyone who knows me, is a huge deal..heh). I was full on LOVE and SHAKTI. We are not vegetarians in my home, but I am avoiding meat. It just doesn't appeal to me. I'm getting full on less food and not craving sugar much either. My silent prayers to Amma to help me lose weight so my BP gets back to normal, well...I guess She heard them. I was in NYC without my husband. However, Mother spoke to me in Tamil (hubby's mother tongue) when I went up for darshan on DB night! It was even a word that I recognized as Tamil, and actually knew the meaning of (after careful contemplation and a reminder). This was particularly funny to me, considering my experience in Chicago with Amma! Oh, and Robin... I smell Amma once in a while too. After the first time I had darshan, I smelled roses for WEEKS! I couldn't stop thinking about Her either. It was my "honeymoon" period, as I say. Remember how you feel now, when things get rough. I am so happy that you are drunk with Divine Love! Jai Ma!! With love, Clinging to Her feet, Niseema Ammachi, Gabriela Rios <gabriela1027> wrote: > > Namah Shivaya, > > > > Has it only been five days since I've seen Amma? It feels like weeks already. In those days I've gotten only fitful sleep and have Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 25, 2004 Report Share Posted July 25, 2004 Ammachi, "Erica" <sugarandbrine> wrote: > Namah Shivaya all, > > I bought a mala in Chicago and it broke between my trips. Just now, > one of my wrist malas broke too. Someone in NYC told me that if a > mala breaks, it is a symbol that whatever karmic debt we were > working on with the mala has been released. I'm not sure of the > significance, but it's very powerful for me. What should I do with > the beads? > > Jai Ma!! > > With love, > Clinging to Her feet, > Niseema This is intense! For the time being, JUST BE WITH THE EXPERIENCE (of not having a mala/wrist mala). I agree with the karmic debt being reduced by the breaking of malas.... Next, in the same time, write to Amma or Dayamrita Swami, about the same in explicit detail, and ask their advice.... I don't know how to get in touch with them directly, so if you know someone who can, you cannot hasten enough. Jai Ma! > > Ammachi, Gabriela Rios <gabriela1027> > wrote: > > > > Namah Shivaya, > > > > > > > > Has it only been five days since I've seen Amma? It feels like > weeks already. In those days I've gotten only fitful sleep and have Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 25, 2004 Report Share Posted July 25, 2004 Ammachi, Gabriela Rios <gabriela1027> wrote: > > Namah Shivaya, > > Has it only been five days since I've seen Amma? It feels like >weeks already. In those days I've gotten only fitful sleep and >have been fighting a soar throat. I always get a bit sick after I >see Her. I lost weight during the Dallas and NY programs. > > > Missing Mother, > > Gabriela Hi Gabriela, Your note amused me, and I thought I will pull your leg. ). Did you really mean "soar throat" or is it more like "sore throat"? If you really meant the former as you had written, then it looks like Gayatri Devi activated your Visssudhi chakra (near the throat) and it is soaring high! But, I can see from your writings that you are really soaring, so the typo (if it really was) might have a deeper significance! . Jai Ma! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 25, 2004 Report Share Posted July 25, 2004 Namah Shivaya Manoj! That was cute! Yes, I am soaring this week and I don't ever want to come down. The soreness is gone and the soarness remains! Thanks for the giggle. Waiting for Mother, Gabriela manoj_menon <ammasmon wrote: Your note amused me, and I thought I will pull your leg. ). Did you really mean "soar throat" or is it more like "sore throat"? If you really meant the former as you had written, then it looks like Gayatri Devi activated your Visssudhi chakra (near the throat) and it is soaring high! But, I can see from your writings that you are really soaring, so the typo (if it really was) might have a deeper significance! . Jai Ma! Aum Amriteswarayai Namaha! Ammachi/ Ammachi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 25, 2004 Report Share Posted July 25, 2004 Manoj, I'm not sure how to get in touch with Amma nor Swamiji. For now, the beads are all sitting here, in a baggie. I've been advised to NOT fix them. But there is a beautiful Rudraksha bead on one of them. I am sad to lose it. It was the very first that I'd ever purchased, even before I met Amma. I would chant Lakshmi mantra on it very often. I've worn it every single time I've had darshan. The mala I bought in Chicago was rosewood, and blessed by Ma directly. I'm just not sure what to do with the beads. Bury them? Throw them in a moving body of water? Keep them? Hmm. I will see if I can find a way to get in contact with Swamiji or Amma directly. Thanks for the advise!! Niseema > This is intense! For the time being, JUST BE WITH THE EXPERIENCE (of > not having a mala/wrist mala). I agree with the karmic debt being > reduced by the breaking of malas.... > > Next, in the same time, write to Amma or Dayamrita Swami, about the > same in explicit detail, and ask their advice.... I don't know how > to get in touch with them directly, so if you know someone who can, > you cannot hasten enough. > > Jai Ma! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 25, 2004 Report Share Posted July 25, 2004 Gabrielaji: >Eleven months sit stubbornly in front of me. Eleven bricks, four >layers deep are between me and my next visit with Mother. I feel >Her within more and more, but more and more I want to be with Her >physical presence. Amma will be in San Ramon & Detroit in November, towards the end of a long europeran tour. There will be a retreat in each place as well as public programs. We're looking at under 4 months or approximately 110 days before we can be in Her physical presence again. So, cheer up sister Amme Sharanam, ota Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 25, 2004 Report Share Posted July 25, 2004 Namah Shivaya, Amma will be in San Ramon & Detroit in November, towards the end of a long europeran tour. Yes, though I've used all my vacation time, I'm praying there will be a way I can go see Her briefly. Perhaps a public program will be scheduled on one of my days off. Otherwise, it will not be possible. Gabriela New and Improved Mail - Send 10MB messages! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 25, 2004 Report Share Posted July 25, 2004 Namah Shivaya Niseema, If I'd known you were alone in NY I would've spent more time with you! I assumed your husband was around. Next time, don't be shy about coming and sitting with me. I was sitting alone most of the time myelf.... "alone", but not really - I was drinking in Amma more than I ever have. Gabriela New and Improved Mail - Send 10MB messages! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 26, 2004 Report Share Posted July 26, 2004 Hi Gabriela, Usually one of the retreats coincides with either Thanksgiving or Veterans Day. Depending on your family, you might be able to use one of those as a day off work. I realize you have your own business and I work for a public agency, so our situations are different. In Amma's love, Jyotsna Gabriela Rios <gabriela1027 wrote: Namah Shivaya, Amma will be in San Ramon & Detroit in November, towards the end of a long europeran tour. Yes, though I've used all my vacation time, I'm praying there will be a way I can go see Her briefly. Perhaps a public program will be scheduled on one of my days off. Otherwise, it will not be possible. Gabriela New and Improved Mail - Send 10MB messages! Aum Amriteswarayai Namaha! Ammachi/ Ammachi Mail is new and improved - Check it out! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 26, 2004 Report Share Posted July 26, 2004 Yes, I am going to try very hard! I've even started looking at airfare to Detroit. The problem is I work retail, so taking time off around Thanksgiving is a big no-no. Still, I'll pray that something works out so I can go. Thanks! "you might be able to use one of those as a day off work." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 26, 2004 Report Share Posted July 26, 2004 This child's birth sister is doing the site research for the November programs... looks as if it may be later than usual...ending on December 2nd...but nothing is in stone yet...! Research research research... With love, Niseema Ammachi, "one_tiny_atom" <one_tiny_atom> wrote: > Namah Shivaya Gabriela: > Jyotsna has it right about the retreats. It usually also happens that > one of the two locations (San Ramon/Detroit) has a public program on > the weekend. So, you could attend the regular program/Devi bhava in > just a few months! > > Amme Sharanam, > ota Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 26, 2004 Report Share Posted July 26, 2004 Thank you Niseema, OTA, Jyotsna, and everyone who is trying to reassure me I will have another chance to see Mother. Though it seems impossible given my work schedule (retailers have to work during the holidays, and I work on Saturdays), maybe Amma is trying to tell me it WILL be possible! Niseema, thank you for the heads-up about the lateness of the program. If you begin to get even a HINT about when they will be, do let me know. Thank you Amma! Gabriela Erica <sugarandbrine wrote: This child's birth sister is doing the site research for the November programs... looks as if it may be later than usual...ending on December 2nd...but nothing is in stone yet...! Research research research... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.