To all my family - Your sister all grown up

[Guest guest]

Namaste Dearest Family,

 

I am to LAUGH AT!!! I have been reading over old posts in the archive. How

naive I was, I feel like I have grown SO much since my first emails. In one I

had posted a question about emailing Amma about getting a mantra LOL!!!!! Yeah

OK... Someone wrote back saying ...um Amma doesn't give mantras over the

Internet...DUHHHHHHHH!!! lolololol (ok they said it a lot nicer but you could

hear it behind the words... It was Kalipadma that explained this to me...

(blush) Just reading the past emails makes me LAUGH. WHAT was I THINKING. LOL

Then there was another email about Sai Baba and I had asked a question...and

then someone started saying that this was an Amma egroup, and I got all

defensive saying...It was JUST asking a question, I wasn't disputing like the

others, I promise...... I hope no one is offended... LOL Then I kept replying to

messages that had no connection with the title...my spelling was HORRID.. HAVE I

NEVER HEARD of SPELL CHECK... ??? lol silly Robin.

 

My first emails were through a very hard time in my life, but looking back on

it, I wonder why I bothered with the silly stuff. Like a boyfriend??? WHO CARES.

GOOD GRIEF. I don't even HAVE any interest to date...and haven't for sometime..

I have NEVER been happier in my life than I am right now. Free. I don't feel the

need for anyone but Amma to complete me. The divorce was of course difficult but

looking back on that it was the best choice I ever made.

 

The first emails were so selfish and depressing it was all about me. I was so

depressed. I couldn't see the end of the tunnel and looking back it was like

"smack" SNAP OUT OF IT YOU IDIOT! Amma was with you the whole time! I of course

could not see this. I don't think I even prayed for myself half the time when

asking for all of your prayers. It was all about me, gimme, gimme, gimme.

 

And you gave. And you gave. And you gave. And people told me how touching my

emails were. I thought MAN are you INSANE!??!? I was selfish. I didn't care

about you. I only cared about my situation. My world.

 

But you cared about me. My first email, someone was there to hold my hand.

Right from the start. The first person to reach out to that desperate, lonely,

spoiled, rotten, child was Keval. And here's the post to prove it:

 

I almost never use chat rooms, but you can chat with

me on line if you have AOL Instant Messenger or

Messenger. My buddy name on both AOL IM and YM is

Keval

 

And the second was someone I was privileged to meet this past July. Her name was

Kenna. Kenna, I now realize looking back your email opened a small hole in my

heart that is expanded into so much more. One line was all it took. And I still

remember this line in the email you had sent to this day. It was the first

sentence. "I have put your name on our altar and pray daily over it." I was

taken a back by it. Why would SHE (who ever "she" was) care enough to put MY

name on her alter? She must SERIOUSLY be praying for me? Is this possible? It

put a small, tiny, seed within my heart and with everyone else's prayers it grew

into something beautiful and wonderful. Day by day people talked to me as if I

had important things to say. Or as if they had known me forever and we were

picking up where we had left off. I have never forgotten those words Kenna,

although until now, I never remembered who wrote them, I have never forgotten

those words.

 

 

 

Robin

 

I have put your name on our altar and pray daily over it.

 

Where are you geographically?

 

I remember a period of great darkness after I separated from my first

husband. Like you, it was my love for my son that got me through. That was

more than 10 years before I met Amma, though I do believe She was caring for

us even then.

 

Ask Amma to guide you and I will pray the same for you. Sometimes asking for

help can be the hardest. Thanks for turning to this list. Most communities

have resources for people who need help. I encourage you to inquire until

you find a network of caring people who can support you. Perhaps there is a

church community (with childcare) that you would be comfortable with?

 

May Amma's grace bring you comfort and the glimmer of hope you deserve.

 

Sending her love to you, your daughters and your mother.

Kenna

Aum Amriteshvaryai Namah

 

 

I hope you all remember that such small words, can have such a large impact on

someone. That in that small moment I was changed, and continued to change,

continued to grow with your help. It opened up the darkness and let in the

light. You became my family. I said it once and I'll say it again. I would be no

where if it were not for all of you. You reached out to pull me in when I was

lost and struggling. When I had nothing to offer, there were no questions asked

about who I was, or WHAT problem I had been going through. You all just accepted

me. Just like that. That scared, spoiled, selfish, brat has been shaped into a

beautiful, inspired, independent, child of Amma. (who cries from time to time)

Reading those emails I can see myself coming out of my darkness, little by

little. I saw myself blossom into what I am today. That girl doesn't even look

familiar anymore.

 

Thanks for turning to this list. - No Kenna, thank you for turning to me.

 

I thank all of you for reaching out. It has been my privilege to now pray for

all of YOU when you needed, or when you don't. I pray for all of you even if you

don't ask for it. I can honestly say I KNOW I wouldn't be here where I am at

today, without all of you. Thank you for being my family, thank you for shining

the light, thank you most of all for bringing me home to my Mother, quite

literally in fact.

 

I encourage you to inquire until you find a network of caring people who can

support you. - I think I did just fine in finding those who could support me,

wouldn't you agree Kenna? (Wink)

 

I love you all so dearly. Thank you just isn't enough.

 

Robin

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

Thanks Robin for sharing.

Your lovely letter is very inspiring. I had a dark cloud following me for a

long time and I know about being sad, deppresed and selfish. That was

before Amma and after I met things had started to changed Honest. Now I can

see that I am going to be followed by the same dark cloud . The same dark

clous will come to me but this time the attitude will be different.

Thanks again for sharing about your spiritual transformation.

Daniel

 

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