to Arun Raj i: Kali Amma!

[Guest guest]

Jai Kali Amma, dear Arun Raj ji!

i am so completely overwhelmed from your story! All of my hair is

standing on end and i am weeping profusely. Oh my beloved Maa Kali!

Arun Raj ji, your story is sweet prasad that this child of Maa is

savoring like Pure Amrita. Maa! Maa! Maa! The beauty of Your Smile

lights up the night with it's awesome splendor! The skulls are

smiling enigmatically, because they know the great secret....There is

no death...only change. Oh Maa, Your bright red tongue is a divine

flame that dissolves all fear and negativity with it's purifying

touch. Like You healed Dattan, your dear leper son, lick away the

wounds of this leperous world, oh Maa! Oh Maa, i bow to You, my

dearest Mother of my heart!

Your sister dissolving in the bliss of Maa's Holy Love,

muktimaa

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ammachi, "B. Arun Raj" <arunraj@e...> wrote:

> Dear siblings of Amma...

>

> as promised, here is the first of this child's experiences of

Amma's Divine form... first, let me relate something from my

childhood...

>

> i started learning yoga at school at the age of 9, after my father

insisted its good for health. i enjoyed it a lot & practiced

meditation at home & at our family's Kali temple at my mother's

native home. sometimes, when the meditation sessions were

particularly intense, i remember hearing two distinct sounds, that

were simply unforgettable. as i child, i never knew what they were,

nor did i ask anyone, as i found it difficult to express them. one

sounded like a earth shattering growl & another sounded like the

word "hum" (with the "u" as it sounds in "boom"). it sounded

frightening at times... but never bothered to enquire, as i got

accustomed to hearing it.. just considered it as another passing

cloud.

>

> several years later... it was vacation time at college.. and like

all vacations, our gang of young devotees doing our graduation at

cochin (where Amma's 50th birthday celebrations were held) fled to

Amritapuri (which was hardly 2 hours drive away) to spent time there.

but, for me this vacation was slightly different from the earlier

ones, bcoz... i just dont know what got into me, all i could think of

was about performing Kali sadhana (special practices done after

midnight to appease Kali). i took it for just another chilish

spiritual adventure, and did not give it much regard. one morning

during the stay at Amma's Ashram, i was going to the thidappali

(where prasad is made for the puja in the Kalari temple), when i

suddenly stood still, i kind of lost my senses... my head was

spinning.. it could be from the lack of rest & sleep, i thought...

but, within a few moments, forgot the world around me, even the body

no longer seem to be there. all i could feel was some strong messages

within... one of which was to perform Kali Sadhana & and that i had

been with Amma in my previous births. after this brief loss, rested

in front of the Kalari for few moments until i regained my composure

& went back to work in the press. i had decided that i'll meet

Swamiji later that day (i do not prefer to reveal his name... i chose

to meet him, bcoz, i knew he had seen Amma's Kali form before). later

that day, met him in his room & expressed my intense desire to

perform practices related to Kali. He looked at me for a while & said

that i had done practices in a previous birth. but, do not recommend

any at this time, as the practices might adversely effect my

engineering graduation studies. He was excited as he spoke a lot

about Kali & mentioned that Amma is Kali Herself.

>

> the conversation with Swamiji that night left a deep impression in

my heart.. something had changed within.. i was determined.. now, i

just had to see Her.. my Divine Mother, Kali. all i could think of

was meeting Her in person. at that point in time, i did not have the

slightest idea about what i was going to experience. i was aware that

Amma knew my every thought, but, could not gain any darshan in Her

Kali form during the period of my stay at the Ashram. maybe She

wanted to see how dedicated i was. we received Amma's darshan as

usual & left for cochin after a week. the next saturday, i was

attending the weekly bhajans at the local ashram branch. the final

bhajan was "jhilam jhilam..." which was about Ma Kali. i was seated

at the back end of the hall, with no one near me. it was about the

middle of the song when, the lights went out. the speakers were

running on battery. i felt an intense longing to see Amma.. with eyes

closed, i called Her with all my heart. at one point, i felt a

growing presense before me.. it was so strong, it forced me to come

out of the state of absorption i was in & opened my eyes..... i could

not see any of the devotees in front.. just effulgent light ....then

2 huge bare legs emerged from it a few meters ahead of me... the

figure loomed high.. it was tall, maybe around 30 feet or more, i had

to strain my head as i looked up... was simply petrified when i saw

it..... it was THE FORM... a dark female form with disheavelled

hair... bones & skulls hanging down.. i cannot describe how dreadful

it looked.. wished i could run away.. but my body would'nt budge...

it felt like a immoveable corpse...the body would'nt respond. at the

same time, felt an electric shock pass thought my whole system...

like a thunderbolt had struck me. as i watched Her... She was

moving... the tongue was hanging down from Her mouth... it was so

awsome, i had no choice but to surrender.... soon my mind accepted

the Form.. knew it was Amma.. from Her eyes, just knew it was Her.

soon the fear boiled down & was replaced with love... Her intense

compassion overwhelmed me. i too felt intense love develop towards

Her. then, saw Swamiji near Her left leg... who looked very small in

front of Her... saw him get absorbed into Her form. i could feel my

nervous system overflowing with energy.. as if blocked pipes all got

open suddenly & was flowing with light. what i felt within is

inexpressible. felt like i longer was there... it was just Her. it

was so so moving (was not aware of it then, but one of my friends

told me later that i was crying continously during & after the Kali

bhajan). dont remember how long it went. when i opened my eyes... the

lights were back & saw the last of the devotees receive their

prasad... the bhajans were over & prasad distribution almost

complete. the body was still not responding to my commands. sat there

with eyes closed for quite some time. after everyone left, slowly got

up, collected prasad from the plate near Amma's photo & went home. on

the way, eventhough it was dark, i felt only light within &

without... as if the whole world was Ma Kali's form & felt it was

overflowing with a heart warming effulgence everywhere i looked. knew

i was in love with Her. from that day, i started addressing Amma

as "Kali Amma".

>

> even today, that massive Form brings chills all over. but, m no

longer frightened, bcoz m in love with Her.

>

> later came to know more about the sounds i used to hear during the

meditation sessions as a kid... that which sounded like a growl was

Her laugher & "hum" was the mantra syllable Kali utters.. when She

awakens the kundalini.

>

> if Amma wishes, will post more experiences in the future.

>

> at Her Lotus Feet,

> Her child.

>

>