Crying when Amma leaves (was: Amma leaving North America)

[Guest guest]

Dear Kenna,

 

Your post helps me, since I am SUCH a cry baby when Amma leaves. Last Nov., it

seemed that I just couldn't help balling as we circled the room singing, & Amma

threw rose petals on us. While passing Amma I sobbed so hard, that I didn't

even look at Her. But, as soon as the petals landed on me, my tears stopped,

(momentarily:) To experiment, I even tried to cry, but could not shed a tear!

(for a short time.) This year I purposefully tried very hard to hold in the

tears, & ended up feeling depressed for a looooong time after Amma left. So

next time, they'll just have to fall again.

 

Sweta

 

Kenna <itskenna wrote:

....Swamiji told the story of the gopis and how they wept when their Lord left.

A teacher told them (someone more knowledgeable can say the name) they

shouldn¹t be attached to the form.

So they were questioning themselves.

Then the Lord told them the bond to the guru is the bond that breaks all

other bonds.

Something like that.

Those who know more can tell the story in better detail.

 

She is with us always and everywhere.

And we adore Her precious form.

So why not weep with one eye and rejoice for Her grace with the other?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

Blessed soul Sweta

 

Namaste. I also am a BIG cry baby when Amma leaves. I feel silly

sometimes because people stare at me or look at me with pity on their

faces. But in the end, Amma knows I love her and I am devoted to her,

and that's all that matters to me.

 

I have started chanting Amma's 108 names in the mornings and WOW. It

makes me feel like I am CALLING out to her EVERY morning. The other

morning, I even got a little bit shy about saying her names outloud. I

guess I felt like "SOMEONE" was there, listening to me! It was a

strange feeling. I hope to keep up this practice and see how it

changes my experience in November when I am with Amma again.

 

JAI MA

 

Erica

 

Ammachi, wrote:

> Dear Kenna,

>

> Your post helps me, since I am SUCH a cry baby when Amma leaves.

Last Nov., it seemed that I just couldn't help balling as we circled

the room singing, & Amma threw rose petals on us. While passing Amma

I sobbed so hard, that I didn't even look at Her. But, as soon as the

petals landed on me, my tears stopped, (momentarily:) To experiment,

I even tried to cry, but could not shed a tear! (for a short time.)

This year I purposefully tried very hard to hold in the tears, & ended

up feeling depressed for a looooong time after Amma left. So next

time, they'll just have to fall again.

>

> Sweta

[Guest guest]

Oh good, another sister who is a cry baby with Amma If you get the chance to

chant Amma's 108 names, or the 1,000 names of the Divine Mother in Amma's

prescence, that can be amazing, too! I appreciate your reminder, that by

knowing Amma, we are blessed souls.

 

Erica <sugarandbrine wrote:Blessed soul Sweta

 

Namaste. I also am a BIG cry baby when Amma leaves. I feel silly

sometimes because people stare at me or look at me with pity on their

faces. But in the end, Amma knows I love her and I am devoted to her,

and that's all that matters to me.

 

I have started chanting Amma's 108 names in the mornings and WOW. It

makes me feel like I am CALLING out to her EVERY morning. The other

morning, I even got a little bit shy about saying her names outloud. I

guess I felt like "SOMEONE" was there, listening to me! It was a

strange feeling. I hope to keep up this practice and see how it

changes my experience in November when I am with Amma again.

 

JAI MA

 

Erica

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

I must confess that the only time I've cried around Amma is when I've struggled

with

painful/difficult issues in her presence. Otherwise, I just feel at peace when

I'm with her. I

hear these stories of everyone crying for her and I hear her say we should cry

for God, but,

for me, tears just don't usually come. Sometimes I wonder, in comparison, if I'm

lacking in

my devotion (though I suppose there is room for all of us to grow in our

devotion!).

 

Oh, this is reminding me of a story Krishna Das once told at a kirtan. He talked

about

seeing all of the devotees of his guru (Neem Karoli Baba) being moved to tears

in his

presence, and how he always felt something was wrong with him because he didn't

cry.

One day, he tried to make himself cry, and his guru said (roughly), "Hey what

are you

doing? Why are you forcing yourself to imitate these other devotees, because you

think

that's what you're 'supposed' to do!? Express love in the way that it comes

through you."

 

Sometimes, I hear other devotees talking about their tears for Amma, their

devotion, their

seva, their spiritual practices and I fall into this trap of comparing myself

and feeling like

I'm coming up so short as a devotee. Does anyone else do this? Just curious...

 

At the end of Devi Bhava at the MA retreat, a couple of sevites near the stage

where I was

doing line seva snapped at me harshly/nastily. Although I hadn't done anything

wrong, I

was so exhausted from working so much that it pushed a major worthlessness

button

(that it probably wouldn't have ordinarily - except that I think Amma wanted to

show it to

me) and I was in tears for the last hour or two. At one point, I was sitting

outside the hall

area, crying, and a satsang sister stopped when she saw me to ask if I was okay.

I said,

"not really, at the moment." She gave me a kind look and said, "That's right,

you cry for

God, go on....just cry for God." And then I felt even worse than I had a few

minutes before,

because I wasn't crying for God. I was crying because I felt like such pathetic

excuse for a

devotee! I was crying because I felt God/Amma didn't even want me there. And

then I was

crying even harder because she'd mistaken my tears of despair for something

noble!

 

I wonder if anyone else has felt this way and if so....what to do?

 

Namah Shivaya,

Iswari

 

Ammachi, wrote:

> Oh good, another sister who is a cry baby with Amma

[Guest guest]

Blessed Soul sister Iswari

 

I am a classic compare-er in many aspects of my life. My husband

always gently nudges me back to center with this:

 

Does a rose compare itself to the moon? Are they not both beautiful in

their own ways? Do you think the rose thinks, "Wow, I wish that I was

beautiful and full like the moon!" Or does the moon think, "I wish I

smelled as beautifully as the rose"? No! They both have their own

strengths and show their divinity in different ways.

 

I VERY often feel unworthy of being in Amma's presence and calling

myself a "devotee"!! Usually when I am in the hall and crying, it is

because of these types of feelings. I see Amma's compassionate nature

and overwhelming LOVE and I just feel completely UNworthy...

 

I try to remember that Amma loves ALL of her children the same, no

matter of they are "GOOD" devotees or not...

 

JAI MA

 

Love,

Erica

 

Ammachi, "ammasiswari" <ammasiswari> wrote:

> I must confess that the only time I've cried around Amma is when

I've struggled with

> painful/difficult issues in her presence. Otherwise, I just feel at

peace when I'm with her. I

> hear these stories of everyone crying for her and I hear her say we

should cry for God, but,

> for me, tears just don't usually come. Sometimes I wonder, in

comparison, if I'm lacking in

> my devotion (though I suppose there is room for all of us to grow in

our devotion!).

>

> Oh, this is reminding me of a story Krishna Das once told at a

kirtan. He talked about

> seeing all of the devotees of his guru (Neem Karoli Baba) being

moved to tears in his

> presence, and how he always felt something was wrong with him

because he didn't cry.

> One day, he tried to make himself cry, and his guru said (roughly),

"Hey what are you

> doing? Why are you forcing yourself to imitate these other devotees,

because you think

> that's what you're 'supposed' to do!? Express love in the way that

it comes through you."

>

> Sometimes, I hear other devotees talking about their tears for Amma,

their devotion, their

> seva, their spiritual practices and I fall into this trap of

comparing myself and feeling like

> I'm coming up so short as a devotee. Does anyone else do this? Just

curious...

>

> At the end of Devi Bhava at the MA retreat, a couple of sevites near

the stage where I was

> doing line seva snapped at me harshly/nastily. Although I hadn't

done anything wrong, I

> was so exhausted from working so much that it pushed a major

worthlessness button

> (that it probably wouldn't have ordinarily - except that I think

Amma wanted to show it to

> me) and I was in tears for the last hour or two. At one point, I was

sitting outside the hall

> area, crying, and a satsang sister stopped when she saw me to ask if

I was okay. I said,

> "not really, at the moment." She gave me a kind look and said,

"That's right, you cry for

> God, go on....just cry for God." And then I felt even worse than I

had a few minutes before,

> because I wasn't crying for God. I was crying because I felt like

such pathetic excuse for a

> devotee! I was crying because I felt God/Amma didn't even want me

there. And then I was

> crying even harder because she'd mistaken my tears of despair for

something noble!

>

> I wonder if anyone else has felt this way and if so....what to do?

>

> Namah Shivaya,

> Iswari