My Amritapuri Experience: Part 21

[Guest guest]

Continued from Part 20...

 

After much rest and reflection, an itinerant devotee returns to the

trail. In the intervening months, Mother has written a few more

words in this loiterer's book of life. Her words do not yet sum

up to a full sentence; not even a subordinate clause, barely enough

for a phrase perhaps. Despite Her terseness, a hint of intent is now

apparent to this actor, an insignificant extra in Her cosmic

production. If one believes that the merest doodles of Mother's

Mont Blanc (metaphorical pen) represent entire epics in the lives of

Her animations, my attempt to decode the Divine hieroglyph may not

be totally unfounded. The task would be a lot easier though, if Her

script were less scarce. Did I just wish for a sentence? How dumb

can this devotee get? Isn't life sentence enough?!

 

I'm done waffling. This fool may not be able to approach, even

asymptotically, the succinct speech of Sakshal Saraswati (verily the

Goddess of Learning) but he will try not to drool.

 

Continuing in the surreal vein of the previous episode, this one and

the next will record a somewhat magical meeting with another

ashramite, a gentleman - let us call him X3. In the course of my

talk with X3, I grumbled about the lack of any direct demonstrations

of Mother's omniscience or other extra-sensory powers in my life.

X3 responded by sharing a snippet from his story that spoke to my

concern. Our gentleman friend had been living in the ashram with his

wife for close to a decade. Both in their late sixties, husband and

wife were wedded as much to seva (service) as to each other. Their

advanced age and the Amritapuri force field (only half tongue-in-

cheek here) probably accounted for the bulk of their dedication to

service but the fact that they were childless may also have had

something to do with it. While barrenness was no issue (pardon the

evil pun), X3 did have another problem and the story he proceeded to

narrate revolved around this.

 

His tale began with a dose of personal history. He told me that he

had led a dissolute life as a young man. He said that he was too

ashamed to talk about his many vices but that chronic womanizing and

drinking had cast dark shadows over his life in early adulthood. In

middle age, the excesses of his youth caught up with him and he was

laid low by serious health problems. He declined to spell out the

nature of his ailments (my guess: some horrible STDs) but indicated

that they were severe enough to force a change in his lifestyle. The

spirit was still willing but the flesh was too weak, apparently.

 

He trudged on for another twenty years, fighting illness and

recidivism. The battle was stiff and results were mixed, however,

until he finally landed in the A-Zone (A=Amma) at the age of 60 or

so. From that point onwards, the force field took over and the tide

turned. Over the next five years, as he buried himself in work, he

found his noxious old vasanas (tendencies) being slowly

extinguished. Despite the glacial rate of change, the transformation

was near total. In his words: "You cannot imagine what kind of a

man I used to be (depraved) and I could not have imagined the kind

of man I have now become (reformed)." He put it all down to

Mother's grace and in response to my expressions of doubt, he

went on to illustrate the palpable nature of this grace, underlining

the idea that it was NOT wispy, wishful thinking.

 

After around five years of the reformed life, in accord with the

guidelines for householder devotees including celibacy on campus, X3

fell victim to an unexpected revival of his most vicious vasana –

the urge for illicit intercourse. It began as a mildly mischievous

thought, a mere ripple on the surface of the ocean but quickly

turned into an unstoppable tsunami of desire. The pain was so

poignant in the description of his predicament that I could not but

sympathize with the miserable fellow. After all, I know from my own

experience that the powerful L (lust) force is one of the

fundamental forces of nature, ranking right up there with the other

four forces (strong and weak nuclear forces, electromagnetic and

gravitational forces for those fond of physics) in the Unified Field

theory. And while I , in a general way, to the theory of

ojas – the idea that sexuality and spirituality are antithetical

to each other and have made definite, if slow* progress in my tussle

with testosterone, I can surely empathize with the plight of

millions who may presumably be moving in the opposite direction.

(*At the rate of scant inches per year, doubtless I will be able to

eradicate the erotic from my consciousness in a zillion lifetimes.)

 

Despite my sincere efforts to commiserate mentally with X3's

difficult situation, I came close to convulsing with laughter when I

tried to visualize our friendly sexagenarian as a sexpot. I thought,

in Malayalam:

Aal kanda kondatum bole irukyam

Pakshe kalikyan takkali venam

Malayalees, I trust, will get my drift though my metaphors are

unconventional. A rough translation for non-Malayalees is as follows:

The man looks like a dried twig

But wants to play with a juicy tomato

 

Although my sides were about to split, I realized that laughter

would have been cruel at that juncture. With superhuman effort, I

managed to avert an explosion of mirth. I forced myself to remember

that while the body ages, desire does not.

 

A verse from Bhartrihari's Vairagya Shatakam makes the point:

Balirbhimukhamakrantam palitenankita shiraha

Gatrani shithilayante trishnaika tarunyayate

Translation: There are wrinkles on my face because of old age. All

the hair on my head has turned white and my hands and legs have

turned loose and feeble. But my hope is like a young and beautiful

damsel. Everything else may cease and get destroyed but hope and

desire rage eternally young.

 

And in his Shringara Shatakam, Bhartrihari cuts to the very bone

with:

Krishah kaanah khanjah shravanrahitah

Puchchviklo prani puyaklinnah krimikulashtairaavrittanuh

Kshudhaa kshaamo jeernah pitharakkapaalaarpigatah

Shunimanveti shvaa hatmapi nihantyev madanah

Translation: Truly, Kamadeva (God of lust) does not spare even the

dead. Even an old dog which is weak, one-eyed, lame, single-eared,

bereft of a tail and afflicted with wounds full of pus and infecting

worms, cannot contain its carnal desires and stalks a bitch

throughout the day.

 

To be continued in Part 22...

 

Previous episodes blogged at:

http://www.sulekha.com/weblogs/listingsbyblog.asp?pg=1&blogid=750

 

Om Amriteshwaryai Namah

 

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