To Iswari on caution on using biblical verses

[Guest guest]

Iswari wrote:

 

Dear ones, these Amma lists have been so thought-provoking of late! One

thing I couldn't help being reminded of with this call for scriptural verses is

my training in ecumenical hospital chaplaincy. Personally, while I love

sharing with others verses that have moved me, it's never really been my

inclination to do that with people I don't know during their times of crisis --

especially if I don't know where they are, emotionally and spiritually. The

right

verse at the right time can be deeply, powerfully uplifting. The wrong verse

at the wrong time (or even the right verse at the wrong time!) can be

profoundly alienating. The danger, especially at a time where even religious

people

might be having issues with God...

 

 

 

Dear Iswari,

 

I think the point you make here is an excellent one. Even to use

non-religious quotations of upliftment may be viewed by a survivor as pat and

not

understanding. When I worked with victims who had lost family members ~

children,

spouses, siblings, friends ~ due to crime violence, I quickly learned just to

listen. They just needed to talk and know someone understood. With writing,

we lack the immediate input from the other person to respond to with active

listening, however, we can imagine what they are going through and can devise

an active listening response based on this. To someone who is going through an

incredibly hard time ~ and it is difficult to imagine things much harder

than this ~ I agree with you that care and empathy are what is needed. Even if

only to say something like: I can't imagine what you must be going through,

but I imagine you must feel very confused, uprooted, sad, even angry. Then let

the person know you are there for them, if they wish that in the form of

continued communication. You could even mail them a phone card with pre-paid

minutes as Aikya suggested so you can actually talk, one on one, and get an even

better sense of how the person is feeling.

 

Everyone here, at least those who have been here for awhile, know that I am

quite ill. All of the COL letters and communications I have received from some

of you, on and off-digest, have been incredibly empathetic, and I have never

felt preached at or not understood. This is so important. When I was still

working, and getting sicker, my bosses' support was to say "buck up." Even my

own family has not been empathetic to what I am going through ~ there is not

even any interest in shown. Nobody writes and asks, "how are you doing?"

(except my beloved daughter). I think that for a person in crisis just to know

someone cares enough to write, to empathize, to offer moral support ... goes a

long way.

 

This is not to say, as you mentioned, Iswari, that biblical verses

shouldn't be used, but I would put a big yellow light up. We don't know what

religion

these people may be. Even to assume they are Christian is an assumption that

could backfire. We just don't know. So I think very thoughtful care in

writing is what is needed. COL writers are "trained" in this way, and I think it

is a good idea for this situation also.

 

Jai Jai Ma ~ Linda