SaiRam to all of you

[Guest guest]

SAIRAM to all of you.

 

i am currently living in nigeria. i am in such a condition, that if i am alive

today, it is all the grace of swami. I was working with an indian based trading

firm. I was the complete incharge of the operations and administration here. I

came here in Dec 2001. Over a period of time, i did some great blunders

knowingly some and unknowingly some. Then i lost control of everything and

landed up in a terrific problem with my chairman.

 

I forgot all the teachings of swami and lead a life of worldly pleasures. I did

not visit the SATHYA SAI BHAJAIN centre here in these 2.5 years time except for

once on last GURU POURNAMI. I was given an oppurtunity to sing a guru bhajain on

that day, but that also i went there because my colleaugue forced me to come. I

did sing the bhajain but again i did not make any effort to come close to

swami. After seeing wealth, i thought everything is based on fate, and lived a

detestable life. I came to india in August 2003 last year, initially i did not

have any intention of coming to puttaparthy. But since i wanted to visit

bangalore to meet a friend, i told my mother that i want to go to puttaparthy

and on that pretext left home for bangalore. I did go to parthy with that

friend, because i felt i should be truthful to my words atleast, but just as my

attitude, swami did not come out for darshan on that day. My mind told me that

everything was wrong with me and this was a

sign of my fall in the coming future. I realized that swami is not happy with

me, but again to cheer myself, i convinced myself with other reasons and came

back.

 

And after that, business wise, everything was going in the wrong direction. I

was only loosing everyday. I tried to hide these from my top management to hide

my failures, but finally i was exposed in mid feb04.

 

I did a lot for so many people here in my good times, but none came to my rescue

when they knew i was in trouble, instead they also blamed me for 1 or other

reasons to increase trouble for me. But all the while i was rescued from all

dangers by Swami. I have a book "SREE GURU CHARITRA" written by E.Bharadwaja on

the life of Sree Dattatreya and his re-incarnations in this age. This book was

given to me by my father when we faced a family crisis in the year 1998. He

asked me to read this book everyday, but i always clung to it only when i was

in trouble. And again i clung to this book again. Luckily that was the only

property that remained with me when i was in trouble. I was and have been

reading this book regularly and now slowly i got back my ADITYA HRIDAYAM book

which i thought was lost. I started reciting this everyday and then slowly

swami made available HANUMAN CHALISA book for me.

 

Earlier when i was in india, i was very much fond of participating in SREE LORD

SATYANARAYAN VRATHAM. I used to do it very often. But after coming here, i

really forgot god. Not that i was so bad, but i was busy with my work, as i had

to start the company and do all the work all by myself. But even then i gave

very little importance to god.

 

Now i got the complete procedure of performing this vratham thru a friend from a

website. Since last 4 months i have been only praying to swami with all these. I

am just living with a hope that swami will rescue. in between during last month,

all of a sudden i fell into a depression and attempted suicide by drinking an

insecticide, but i was rescued and taken to the doctor.

 

i am attaching a copy of my confession letter i wrote to my boss although he has

not taken it seriously, i remember having a learnt during my school days that by

confessing to the almighty, everything will be fine. I am trying to do that

today. I am confessing to all my sai brothers and sisters, thinking that thru u

all i am confessiong to Swami.

 

I am sorry taking so much of your time, but SWAMI is the almighty who alone can

take care of us. Today i am reciting hanuman chalisa even in my sleep. It has

become a part and parcel of my life.

 

So, all of you just pray for me that i transform myself more towards swami and

earn his grace. This is my request to you all. My boss has been threatening me

that he will destroy all my family, but becoz of swami's grace of my mother,

till now he has not even called her once. Its nothing but swami's grace orelse

the situation i am inside, none can survive.

 

my humble prayer to bhagwan is always protect all of us forever. I may have not

been able to present myself properly, but i mainly wanted to share with u all

the grace of swami.

 

After joining this group, i feel i am in brindavan or puttaparthy, everything i

read i feel is happening in front of me. This gives me relief from all the

tensions i am facing with my boss. I am being harassed by his employees who

were all waiting for a chance to pick on me. They have siezed my passport and

do not want to solve the problem. But i am praying to swami to solve all this

asap.

 

Yesterday i got to read the article on SWAMI'S PADUKAS. I dont know what to

blame my self, i had these padukas in my house since last february03 when my

mother brought them with her when she came to stay with me for few months.

While leaving nigeria, she left them back with me so that i can pray to them,

but i ignored them all this while. Now i realize what i have wasted my life all

these years.

 

I am the biggest sinner in this world. But i am trying to change myself and see

myself what i was when i left swami's secondary school at Parthy in the year

1992. I lost all my morals and landed up in a mess i never thought of. Even

today i wanted to commit suicide myself after i read the divine discourse of

swami on May6th where he talked so high about his students. At first i thought

of hiding this fact that i am a sai student, becoz it will bring a very bad

name to the good students and swami, but again i realized facing the truth is

better than again hiding it.

 

But all of you, pls dont think wrong of sai students after hearing my story. We

are all humans, and tend to commit mistake. In my case, after so much learning

provided to me, i have not been able to stand up to the expectations of what is

expected from a sai student. Please all of you forgive me. Even today i fell

into another depression and wanted to commit suicide again. This time i thought

i would burn myself so that i dont survive, but exactly at that thought my boss

called me and spoke to me softly surprisingly, then i spoke to the accounts

manager back in india and he assured me that things will be better. So then i

again regained faith. This itself shows how much concern SWAMI has for all of

us.

 

My old mother in india is doing all her best performing all religious activities

she can for my safety and come back to india. I have realized the importance of

my family back in india and the truth of DIVINITY.

 

This is my confession. Kindly all of you forgive me for taking so much time of

you all. But today my inner concious made me write this whatsoever may happen.

 

sai ram

Regards

venkat

 

 

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