A Devotee's Experience

[Guest guest]

May 13, 1999

Kau (Originally posted on May 4, 1999))

Dear Baba,

How loving are your ways. I know not what to put down here.

After taking Baba's darshan, we took Baba's Udi and then went to Gurusthan. I

gathered a few leaves from the Neem Tree and ate them as Baba's sweet prasad.

We roamed around in the streets, but something kept calling me from the Samadhi

Mandir. It was a magnetic force that kept pulling me towards it. In the evening,

we went again to the Samadhi Mandir. Baba was wearing a silver dress, which was

shimmering. HE looked very beautiful, I could not resist taking another

picture. The more I looked the happier I felt. Dear sister Bindiya had given me

a list of prayers to do and I wanted to sit in the hall close to the samadhi and

pray for our Sai family here in dwarkamayi, but the attendants there pushed me

away and some of them were rude. I went to the back of the hall and started

praying. I had tears in my eyes and I prayed to Baba that I cannot even see you

from so far. Why did you call me from across seven seas if you are not going to

satiate my thirst for your darshan. My friend

consoled me by saying that the PRO had given us tickets for the Kakad Aarti next

morning and I would be able to get closer darshan then. We went to Dwarakamayi

from there. It felt so good to be there. As I bowed before Baba's picture

besides the stone where He used to sit, I felt as if He is still sitting there.

It has always been my favorite photograph and I was so overwhelmed with

gratitude to Baba at actually being able to touch that stone. I sensed that

Baba realized that that stone had special significance for me. We went to visit

Chavadi next. And then we went to the Puja room where Baba used to cure people

of their ailments. We sat and prayed there for a while.

Next day was a Thursday. Early next morning, carrying some rose flowers in hand

for Baba's snan meaning bath, we went to the Samadhi Mandir again. This time I

got a chance to sit close to the front. I felt that Baba was asking me if I was

happy now that I had managed to get closer darshan. I replied in the

affirmative.The Kakad Aarti commenced. Although I did not understand the

Marathi language, I was moved by the devotion in those words. I had tears in my

eyes through out the Aarti and I kept staring at Baba. I felt that Baba too was

looking at me and me only and I am sure that every person present there was

transported into a private world of their own with just Baba besides them. It

was an overwhelming experience.

After the Aarti Baba's snan commenced with rose water and milk. The pujaris

bathed Baba and the Samadhi with such expertise yet with so much devotion. I

just kept looking at Baba totally oblivious of the crowd of devotees who too

had thronged for Baba's darshan. As Baba changed clothes, the thought came to

my mind that if Baba accepts my devotion, He should wear the clothes I had

offered the day before. I spoke the thought aloud and my friend laughed at me

by saying that Baba had so many clothes, why should He wear that particular

dress. But I was not satisfied. Baba changed into a saffron dress. We spent the

afternoon visiting another temple a few miles from Shirdi. We went back to the

Samdhi Mandir in the afternoon to say goodbye. Baba had changed into another

dress of golden color. As I saw that, I mentally told Baba that I know that you

have so many rich devotees who offer you such grand clothes, why should you wear

something so inexpensive that I had offered. As I bowed my

head before Baba's Samadhi, I mentally said goodbye, but I kept getting the

feeling that Baba is saying its not bye right now. When we went to bid adieu to

the PRO, he gave us a coconut and udi packet for prasad and asked us if we were

leaving right away. We said we would be staying to watch the Palki procession

at night and leave early next morning. He graciously offered us front tickets

for the evening Aarti. I could not hold back my joy. To see Baba again from so

much close up front... We gratefully accepted the tickets.

I got a chance to sit right in front row for the evening dhoop Aarti. And guess

what. Baba was so graciously wearing the same dress that had been offered by me

the previous day. I was so incredulously surprised. I looked at Baba in awe and

saw a twinkle in HIS eye. As if He was gently chiding me for thinking that He

would be more acceptant of rich offerings and would neglect my humble request.

I have no words to describe what I felt then. I did not know whether to laugh

or cry. I was in this state of bliss that I had never ever experienced in my

life before and that I miss so much now with every breath that I take. My

friend tried to pull me back to earth by saying that someone else may have

offered the same dress too and Baba was wearing that. But I told her it didn't

matter to me. And HE at least did choose the same color and print to wear. The

Aarti that commenced after that was a similar experience to the morning Aarti.

My heart was choking at every word I sang. I did not

deserve such love that HE had showered on me. I am such a sinful soul and yet HE loves me.

I had mentally decided to offer a coconut at His Samadhi. For those of you who

have not been to Shirdi, I must explain that the coconut offered is not

accepted at the Samadhi but is taken out and broken there with a machine and

the broken pieces are given back to the devotee. When I got back in line to

enter the Samadhi Mandir with the coconut in hand, I thought I wanted Baba to

touch the Coconut and not have it broken outside the machine. I did not want

the coconut to be broken but wanted Baba to just accept it. I had some vague

thoughts as to whether I wanted Baba to keep the coconut. As I went in, I

thought of a photograph that I wanted Baba to consecrate. I handed the photo

and the coconut to the pujariji and asked him to get it consecrated at Baba's

feet. He touched the coconut and photo to the Samadhi and then gave the photo

to the other pujariji for consecration at Baba's feet. And then he returned

only the photo to me and forgot the coconut. I felt that Baba wanted to keep

the coconut intact. I turned to the door I had been directed to but could not

get out that way as that door had been closed. A person there asked me to get

back in line again and go out the other way after passing Baba's Samadhi. I

felt that Baba had this way given me another chance to bow at His Samadhi. As I

reached the Samadhi I saw the coconut had been put on top of the Samadhi by the

pujariji. I felt that Baba had accepted the coconut just as I had wanted Him

to. And that was the time I felt content. As I bowed at His Samadhi, I told him

that my thirst had been quenched and I felt contentment. I felt that He was

saying goodbye then.

We saw the Palki procession after that. For a moment I felt that Baba was

standing in the Chavadi waving to his devotees just as it has been so

beautifully described in Satcharita. We sat in Dwarkamayi for a long time after

that. I kept looking at Baba's photograph with tears in my eyes and felt a

similar experience as what Satyabhama didi has so wonderfully described earlier

today. I prayed to Him to call me back soon. And to accompany me at all times

wherever I am in the world. We left Shirdi early morning next day.

Baba, thanks for writing your leelas.

Please bless all your devotees with indefatigable bhakti and shower your

innumerous blessings and immeasurable love on all that come to you.

(from Sabkamalik ek group)

 

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