Dealing With Criticism

[Guest guest]

No one is surrounded only by people who constantly tell him or her how wonderful

he or she is. Like it or not, we are all subject to criticism and we react with

varying degrees of sensitivity.One factor, described in the Freeman and DeWolf

book, “The Ten Dumbest Mistakes SmartPeople Make,” is the tuning fork factor.

When struck, a tuning fork vibrates and gives off sound. It is possible to hit

one tuning fork, hold it near another same-frequency one, and the second one

will start vibrating, too. This phenomenon, known as sympathetic vibration, is

similar to how people react to criticism. They do not react to all criticism

the same way and only begin to “vibrate” if the criticism relates to an

especially sensitive area of life. Whether the insecurity is about love, looks,

or career – the tuning fork is set at that frequency and just one word or look

can set off a serious reaction.

Broad scale insecurity can produce such sensitivity that almost any critical

comment sounds like blanket condemnation. “You look nice today,” translates

into, “You look pretty bad most other days.” A simple question, “Are you going

to apply for that job?” becomes, “Get off your bum, you lazy unemployed slob.”

As we get older, we gradually learn to sort out criticism that is constructive

from that which is destructive and hurtful. The following tips may be helpful

to that process:

Wait before responding to criticism. Do not react right away; keep your ego in

check. Though it is often tempting to retaliate or deny the criticism

immediately, give yourself some time to check out the validity of the criticism

and save yourself from the embarrassment of poor behavior or from discovering

the other person was right. Simply say, “You know, I would like some time to

think about that. I’ll get back to you later.”

Don't be shocked or offended when someone decides to criticize you. While it may

feel like they are trying to hurt you, they may actually be speaking with good

intentions. Don't take criticism personally. When someone criticizes you or is

angry with you, try to focus on what you did or didn't do and ignore any

generalizations or personality attacks that also come along. People can

sometimes be vicious and insensitive when they are angry. If you put their

viciousness aside, you can still benefit greatly from the feedback they are

providing you.

If you don't understand the legitimacy of the other person's anger or criticism,

ask them to help you better understand their point of view. As long as you are

interested in what you can learn from other people's negative comments (instead

of arguing against them), they will usually be willing to explain things in

greater detail

Evaluate the criticism. Ask yourself several questions. Who is offering it and

is the person qualified to do so? It is easier to consider a criticism of

parenting skills if it comes from someone who has successfully raised children

than from someone who has no children. What do you know about the character of

the criticizer? Is this someone who would attempt to hurt you or someone who is

more likely to have genuine concern for you? Is there at least a grain of truth

to the criticism? It is not enjoyable to be made aware of a weakness in one’s

character or life skills, but that awareness may be a blessing in disguise.

Be willing to learn from criticism. Constructive criticism can be a powerful

tool for change and growth. Eleanor Roosevelt said, “No one can make you feel

inferior without your consent.” Dealing maturely with criticism means first

choosing to develop and maintain self-esteem internally instead of putting it

in the public domain at the mercy of others. Knowing and liking who you are

makes it easier to evaluate others’ opinions because you will not automatically

adopt them and you will not be in danger of devastation if someone’s criticism

is true.

There is a fine line between being automatically dismissive of other people’s

views and being affected by everything that people have to say. Finding an

objective, dispassionate balance is the key.

"Gurur Brahma Gurur VishnuGurur Devoh Maheshwar;Gurur Shakshat

ParambramhaTashmai Shri Gurur Veh Namah"May the Merciful Sri Sai Baba always

shower His grace on us and our families and remove our problems and anxieties

by giving us all - strength , goodluck, success and happiness with peace of

mind.Sai bhakt,Deepa

Hdebu7366 Do You

?