Ayurveda Article - How To Create Joyful Relationships

[Guest guest]

You have permission to publish this article in your print or

electronic publication, as long as the piece is used in its entirety

including the resource box, all links and references and copyright

info. If you decide to use this article please send me an email at

drmishra

----

 

 

Creating Joyful Relationships

 

"I can't talk now -- I have a terrible headache.Leave me alone --

I've had a miserable day and I need my space.What happened to us?

Don't you love me any more?"

 

In some form or another, we have all experienced these statements and

what they can do to a relationship. Those who are lucky have

encountered them only in books and movies. Others, perhaps the

majority, have faced them in their own lives at some point or the

other.

 

Observe these statements again. The first one tells of physical

stress, the second, mental fatigue, and the third, emotional

breakdown. All three of these -- either individually or collectively -

- are potential relationship-wreckers.

 

Ayurveda has always recognized and respected the intimate connection

between the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual aspects of our

being. More than 5,000 years ago, ancient texts like the Charaka

Samhita, Sushruta Samhita, and Ashthanga Hridayam recorded some

amazing insights into the body-mind-soul connection.

 

Ayurveda, therefore, looks at relationships as a function of several

complex factors. The prime factor, say ayurvedic vaidyas, in causing

not only relationship problems but also physical ills is the

inability of a person to feel centered within himself or herself.

This can happen due to a variety of causes, ranging from genetics to

hormonal or environmental imbalances. These imbalances affect an

individual's ability to combat day-to-day stress. As a consequence,

they diminish the person's ability to work, love, heal, pray, and

live in the true sense of the word.

 

Ayurvedic Solutions

 

Because the problem/disorder is complex in nature, its solutions must

also be more than material. That is why ayurveda combines several

therapies as the solution: sadhana (meditation), aromas, music,

massage, herbal treatment, proper diet, exercise and detoxification.

Together, these healing therapies provide the balm that heals

consciousness and makes a person feel whole again.

 

Vaidya Ramakant Mishra, Director of Product Research and Development

at Maharishi Ayurveda Products International, says ayurveda always

approaches a problem at the root level.

 

"And at the root of all relationships is the human heart," he says.

"To the ayurvedic physician, the heart is not simply a pump. It is

also the seat of emotions. It is endowed with immense potential to

love, feel and give. It contains the essence of the cosmos within

itself; just like a seed contains the whole tree. No wonder, then,

that when you subject this sensitive, emotional heart to the stress-

laden travails of daily living, it sometimes quails and shrinks

within itself. This is an effect of pragya aparadh or "mistake of the

intellect;" when the intellect, drawn toward and influenced by

material consciousness, loses connection with the wholeness of

consciousness. This is when we stop being centered within ourselves."

The way to make this mistake right, says Vaidya Mishra, is to allow

the heart to expand. To listen to its quiet voice, and to follow what

it is telling us. When we start doing this, slowly, the pragya

aparadh will be corrected. The seeds of doubt, despair and

disappointment will shrivel up and die. We will be whole again; in

ourselves and in our relationships with others.

 

Vaidya Mishra shares five tips for keeping the emotional heart

healthy and strong.

 

Recognize that:

True love is and should be unconditional. It gives without

reservations.

Your relationships will flourish if you follow your truest feelings

and honor your commitments.

It is important to experience all your thoughts and actions. Don't

speak or act in haste.

A positive attitude is a great relationship-strengthener.

Giving is the key to receiving.

 

The other principal player in matters of the Self and its

relationships with others is the mind. Ayurveda sees the mind as

messenger between the Self and the senses. For the mind to be working

in peak order, therefore, its hinges should be well-oiled, so to

say... Ayurveda believes the mind has three "hinges":

Dhi: The power to learn -- acquire knowledge

Dhriti: the power to retain what has been learned

Smriti: the power to recall what has been learned and retained

 

When these three components work in perfect coordination, says Vaidya

Mishra, the mind is balanced. And a balanced mind is the key to

harmony both within the Self and outside it. Vaidyas also recommend

using intellect-friendly herbs and spices in daily cooking. Freshly

crushed black pepper, for instance, makes nutrients readily available

to the microcirculatory channels of the body -- giving mind power an

immediate boost.

 

Ayurveda also recommends introspection as a powerful relationship-

saving tool. "Most relationships go wrong," says Vaidya Mishra, "when

the people involved start trading blame. If they were to stop and

look within, they would be sure to find that the blame does not

always lie with the other person. It can be hard to do, but once you

do this introspection, you experience a sense of humbleness and

forgiveness, both of which are tremendous relationship-repairers."

 

Finally, your diet and lifestyle directly also affect the way you

think, feel and behave. We know only too well what happens when we

miss breakfast or cannot sleep well. "Eat that stewed apple,

therefore," says Vaidya Mishra. "You may not only be keeping the

doctor but also the therapist away."

 

Ten Terrible Relationship Traps

 

Observe each of the following statements and its potential to sour a

relationship forever. Observe, further, how each of these statements

is truly the opposite of ayurveda's recommended goal of centering and

nurturing the Self. Dr. Harold Bloomfield, M.D. advises never, ever

to fall into these deadly relationship traps.

"I am right and you are wrong."

Trap: Being unable to introspect.

Fix: Practicing Transcendental Meditation®, which puts you back in

touch with your deepest Self and illuminates your spirit

"Of course there are two sides to everything but I am right."

Trap: Again, failure to introspect.

Fix: Spending quality time with oneself, through positive activity

and Transcendental Meditation

"I hate your constant passive-aggressive attitude."

Trap: Starting with the assumption that the other person's behavior

is negative.

Fix: Understanding the negativity inside your own self and changing

it into positive energy

"I'm tired of always wondering how to deal with you."

Trap: Getting caught in either/or thinking.

Fix: "Dealing" with the other person by giving and respecting more

"I know your thoughts towards me are malicious and mean."

Trap: Failure to think positive.

Fix: Believing in the goodness of the heart, and being willing to

trust

"What will my lover/mother/neighbor think?"

Trap: Lack of assurance and harmony within Self.

Fix: Listening to your heart, and following its voic

"This stress is driving me crazy."

Trap: Being debilitated by "pragya aparadh".

Fix: Examine and remove stress-causing factors from your life, before

letting them ruin your relationships. Rethink your diet, sleep and

work pattern

"You are the one responsible for all my miseries."

Trap: Trading blame, instead of loving unconditionally.

Fix: Think instead: what am I doing to fuel my own miseries

"Why can't you ever do things the way they should be done?"

Trap: Emphasizing "should" instead of recognizing the other person's

sense of Self.

Fix: Understanding your own need for freedom and extending it to

others around you

"You're a miserable little mamma's boy."

Trap: Trying to hurt and insult.

Fix: Saying, "I respect your feelings but would like to discuss some

of mine, too.

 

 

 

Note : This ayurvedic information is educational and is not intended

to replace standard medical care or advice.

Copyright MAPI, 2002.

 

For more information on Ayurveda or to to free newsletters,

plaese visit <http://www.mapi.com>