Happy Healings - Tony

May 1, 2006

Namaste Mazie et al, Great news for you!

Hello and Namaste to you, Dear Tony!

Tony: How long did you have stenosis? I have been diagnosed with stenosis

at the back of my neck, perhaps due to a past auto accident. I have

some numbing of arms etc after sleeping etc. I don't seem that

worried about it as I cancelled a visit to the neurosurgeon as it

was early days yet.

((( By the diagnosis with that name, stenosis, I don't know how long I've had it, but by probability and guesswork, I'd say that I've had it for decades, and this because of the severe rheumatoid arthritis at work on the body (forty-two years). As with yourself, Tony, Bob too had an automobile accident, one that has afforded him a late-in-life mild case of arthritis in the foot and ankle bones which were damaged in the crash. Interesting thing to note, but it seems that when we damage bones, especially in later life, they manifest in response, various forms of arthritis or inflammatory conditions. My sister Densise, she broke her ankle rather badly a few years back, and immediately after that she developed a terrific case of rheumatoid arthritis. For a year she suffered terribly, huge sweelings, red, painful-to-the-touch joints, and the life-challenging fatigue that accompanies this disease. She's hardly ever, and never so severely as the first time, got any symptoms of the disease now, but for awhile she actively experienced what rheumatoid arthritis can do to the body.

The numbing sensation, the prickly-painy experience that comes just as you've described it after a night of sleep, I too experience that. There's really nothing to do but try and adjust the body's position, but given the fact that we're asleep when it happens, that's not advice that helps either one of us much either, is it? I find that I sleep less, but I sleep deeply, completely at rest, and it is with great peace that I awaken each day. I seriously do not know anyone as happy as I am. Whatever changes appear to have come my way, by way of great ernestness of inquiry, great determination to know who am I, and great good fortunate blessing of sheer Grace, those changes changed absolutely everything in my life. It is as if I were gifted with another person's much lighter, brighter body, but I know that it is my own, the body-light that has always been the hidden thing in this dream world wandering that I'm embody-soul powered from within, in. In sleeping less, I find that the pricklyness and pin-yike strikes are less agressive in their announcements.

Tony: With regard to fear of death, my fear has all but disappeared. I had

to put my dog down recently Jai-Jai, a Shih-Tzu, was two weeks short

of 16 years and had slept on our bed all that time. I had seen him

overcome various problems, operations etc stoically during his life.

I was quite surprised at the grief that I felt as I had been through

this in my younger days with a wife dying and a child also. I was

not prepared for the emotional overwhelming of my intellect so

easily. I suppose the samskaras and vasanas had become deeply

ingrained over a period of time.

((( Oh, Tonyji, my heart goes out to you, for like yourself, I too know the bittersweet kiss of a beloved pet's death upon my heart. I had a best dog-friend whom had lived with me and been with me ever since she was born. I helped to deliver her from her mother's womb. She chose me, for I had waited to watch all the puppies, (there were ten!) to see what their personalities were like, how they acted and interacted with one another, and with me. Tilla chose me, for of all the puppies, she was the only one who kept trying, even at that tender 8-weeks of age, to climb up the couch to be with me. She was so determined and so darling, that there was no question that she was the dog for me. I had wanted a male dog, but Tilla solved that dilemma by presenting such a personality that she was really all I could see among the ten, cuddly, cute-beyond-belief babies romping and grrring all around me. As with you own relationship with Jai-Jai, Tilla and I were together for a long time, living together intimately, affectionately, inseparably for almost fifteen years. I had to have her euthanized like you did, and when she died in my arms, looking into my eyes, I thought that I would die with her, and even now as I speak of her, tears of such incredible memories begin to spring forth. She adored me and I her. We went everywhere together. She's the dog I once told the story about who saved my daughter, eight-year old Evelyn, from drowning in the American River. Tilla saw that Evelyn was panicked and being taken rapidly and dangerously downstream by the swift current, and she swam out to her as fast as her tortoise-shell colored paws could paddle her. Tilla hauled Evelyn to the shore by her swimming suit until she was safe on firm ground and could stand up. She would not let go of Evelyn's clothing, even when I had reached them both and was hauling Evelyn in too. She had to make certain for herself that she was safe from harm. She was a magnificent dog, a friend so splendid that it takes my breath away to remember her now.

Tony: I'm just about through it now, however after witnessing his death in

the vets, and how easily the jiva left his body after the injection

it had an effect on me. As when my little daughter died so many

years ago, my reaction was 'I can do that', die that is. All fear

of death seems to have completely disappeared. It seems Jai-Jai was

my Brahmin's Cow as in the Krishna story where he killed the

Brahmin's cow as it was preventing his Moksha. I'm not saying I'm

ready for Moksha today, but I have a deeper understanding of

Sankara's statement that death is just separation from our

attachments. Love and attachment being different altogether. So now

I have a deeper acceptance of what surrender means, and also how

unreal the whole situation really is. However as long as there is an

ego there will always be a build up of vasanas and samskaras. One

has to be vigilant and in the end Who am I is the only solution, for

me or anyone.........Om Namah Sivaya..........Tony.

((( Indeed, my Dear friend, indeed! Vigilence and determination, ernestness and sincerity, integrity and bravery in the face of whatever comes or does not come to us as experience. There is nothing to do, as you've pointed out above, but to give up all clinging to the past and what happened/did not happen (imaginatively and time-inexorably) in it, in regards to myself and all the beings who are manifestations of this marvelous existence we call life and death and everything dream-sandwiched in-between them. Aaaahhh, vasanas! May they meet there maker, namely moi, and make haste to erase themselves from the dream of being even a memory!

Thank you, Dear friend, for this wonderful sharing. May your pain be but a cutting blade tool, that cuts away the very root of pain itself .

I'm off to get back to digging the pond that I've been working on with Bob, and doing a lion's share, a giddy-happy lion's share in fact, of the hard labor. I'm almost ready to lay down the liner ... and then, wooyay! My fishy-friends get to play in a way that tank-bred fish may only dream of. Here's a picture of the work I'm doing:

As I Am, (crazy about physical labor, and crazy-passionate about gardening)

Mazie