The Pain Experienced by Srila Gour Govinda Swami

May 3, 2006

GURUDEVA'S PAIN

Devotee 1: This morning when you were saying you have this pain, and you need

our help to relieve this pain, all day long I was feeling completely

hopeless because, how is it possible? I couldn't think of it. I'm completely

in anxiety.

Srila Gour Govinda Swami: Big banyan, straight, branches spread, so some hangings come down,

they touch the ground. Then banyan tree is so heavy, it may break down. But

now these hangings touching the ground, they support. "No, we support you

from breaking down." They are sat-putra, real children. Do you understand me

what I say?

Devotee 2: Something. My understanding of that would be that we have to

support everything you say and we have to be ideal disciples. We have to

actually show by, example is better than precept.

Srila Gour Govinda Swami: Therefore, guru is judged through their disciples. If 'they' see something, "Oh, who are you? Whose disciple are you?" Something good, then...

That's all right. Something bad, then sees bad in the disciple, sees bad.

Now they are all hitting my head, pointing out my disciples. Nothing else.

They cannot find any fault with me, now they are very critical, "Your

disciples." Wherever I go this time, this all nasty things. So much pain, I

got so much pain. Everywhere, to hear all these things. So much disturbed, I

got so much pain as if I feel I cannot survive, I'll die.

Because my life is

krsna-katha. That is my life. I have come here to speak krsna-katha, now

they are just choking my voice, yes. "Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop!Come

here, here, here." Suffocated. I'll die. Thinking of that thing. Anyhow,

Mahaprabhu protected me. I cried before Mahaprabhu, "O Mahaprabhu, I have

come here to speak Your katha, glorify, to spread Your message.

Yes. So,what is this happening, I can't understand. You don't want me to stay to speak Your katha? I want to leave my body? What You want?" Somehow He protected me. Some death news came. It like death loka was coming to me. One of my disciples died, yes. It had transferred to him. So? It is so painful.

Understand?

- Darshana on 5 November 1993, Bhubaneswar.

May 11, 2006

REFLECTING THE SUN

Srila Gour Govinda Swami Gurudeva: . . . . . if you be true disciple baba, then guru will reflect.

Guru is the carrier of Krishna, the chief sun. Then that will reflect in

you, then you can distribute. Otherwise how can you distribute? You have

not

gotten, you have not relished, so, if you say [tell], why will other

people

believe it? "Have you gotten? Have you relished?No.Then why are you

giving me? You have not done so. You may be cheating me. You have not

gotten, you have not relished, and you are saying, 'Yes, yes, you take!

Relish, relish!' You have not tasted. How can I?" Understand? Then your

preaching is not effective. It is blank fire, all blank fire.

Devotee: It is not just blank fire, it's troublesome.

Gurudeva: Very troublesome, very, very troublesome. Very, very

troublesome.

Devotee: People wait to see that you are happy first.

Gurudeva: Yes. You are happy, you are relishing. "Oh, yes, he's relishing

so

he's giving me. He said, 'yes, I have taken this. I am relishing now. All

right, you take.' Oh yes. Then they'll put faith in your words. Otherwise

how can he put faith in your words? Understand me?

Devotee: You are such a moon that is dissipating the darkness.

Gurudeva: I'm not moon baba!

Devotee: You are! you are! But still you've had to suffer so much pain.

Gurudeva: What to do? My lot is to suffer. I am cursed. I have this bad

luck, ill luck. I have to suffer. And you are there to come to relieve my

suffering. Understand ? I need your help. Please relieve me of my

suffering. Yes, you are all . . . I have produced you to relieve my

suffering. Yes. Understand what I said?

Darshan after class on 7 November 1993, Bhubaneswar. Tape No.234.93

May 12, 2006

In July 1994, in New York City, Srila Gour Govinda Swami Maharaja spoke to the devotees about his mission:

"There are three things that are very important to me. One is that I want to preach to the preachers. It causes me so much pain to see the devotees falling down and going away. The second thing is that I want to show how everything is in Prabhupada’s books. Those persons who are saying that Srila Prabhupada only gave ABC, it causes me so much pain in my heart. I want to make them silent. And the third thing is that I want to show how everything is in ISKCON and that devotees do not have to go elsewhere for higher teachings."