Inquiries Into the Absolute: Digest 111, Marriage

[Guest guest]

Digest 111, January 27th, 2005. Answers by His Holiness Romapada Swami Maharaja

**You are welcome to send in your questions to HH Romapada Swami at

iskcon_dc with the word "Question" in the subject.

 

Taking up marriage as a service

*******************************

 

Q 1: I am getting married and I would like to know how to control my sexual

feelings as a vaishnava. Will Krishna be angry with me if I chant and my wife

does not want to chant?

 

Answer: For a vaishnava, married life is an opportunity for cultivation of

spiritual values. Take up the responsibility of marriage in a mood of service

to another soul, a devotee of Krishna, a vaishnava. This quality, when

cultivated over some time, will lift you above rajo-guna, and the mood of being

the enjoyer.

 

There are allowances for regulating sense-enjoyment within married life, but as

Krishna advises in Bhagavad-gita, one should not "rely upon the control of such

allowances." Rather, the rules and regulations have to be followed carefully,

but without undue attachment to them and in a spirit of service as mentioned

above. (Cf. Bg 3.34 http://vedabase.net/bg/3/34/en)

 

Krishna will not be angry with you or with her if she is disinclined to chant.

But by your good example and by exhibiting higher qualities, such as patience,

kindness and inner happiness -- your wife will be naturally attracted to take

up that which sustains those qualities in your person.

 

 

Marriage partner predestined? How to decide?

********************************************

 

Q 2: Is the choice of our spouse predestined by karma (are marriages made in

"heaven")? Is it predestined by God? Does my free-will have a role in such a

choice?

 

If I like one person and am neutral towards another, how do I make a decision

that is best? Should I simply surrender to God and let God decide - is such

surrender cowardice or escapism? If God will make a decision, how does God

decide in such situations - will God take my preferences into account?

 

Answer: At every step, freewill has a bearing upon one's destiny. The range of

choices in various situations of life, including marriage, is defined by Karma

- both past and present (i.e. actions and choices made in past and present

life), and yet there is scope for redefining those choices by our present

actions.

 

Krishna does not directly involve Himself in arranging the details of karmic

events in everyone's life. As stated in the Gita (BG 9.9

http://vedabase.net/bg/9/9/en, BG 13.23 http://vedabase.net/bg/13/23/en) --

including those who want material enjoyment -- He is seated in their heart as

though neutral, witnessing and permitting the soul's material enjoyment as well

as sufferings that result from their own choices. Under His sanction, material

nature awards the due results of their desires and actions, as they deserve.

 

But for those who want to become His surrendered devotee, Krishna personally

orchestrates their life and guides their decisions in such a way that will

bring them closer to Him. (Bg 10.10 http://vedabase.net/bg/10/10/en) Thus, He

may bless His devotee with a marriage situation which will be conducive to

spiritual progress.

 

In short, the Lord's reciprocation in guiding our life depends on our

predisposition or inner purpose, and not necessarily the particular preferences

and choices.

 

Regarding making the decision on who to marry, certainly it is nice to be

surrendered to the Lord's direction, but surrender does not dictate absolute

passivity. While sincerely praying for the Lord's guidance and inspiration, you

can at the same time actively make considerations based on your personal

nature, compatibility and needs. In the same spirit, you should also seek

counsel from experienced grihasthas who know your nature well, and who can take

your attention beyond superficial attractions and aversions to help make a wise

decision.

 

This digest is accessible on the web at:

http://iskcondc.org/cgi-bin/renderphilo.pl?digestname=digest111

All the previous digests have been collected in one file at:

http://iskcondc.org/cgi-bin/renderphilo.pl?digestname=digest00

To , or change/add your email address please send email to

iskcon_dcr Please reply to this email at iskcon_dcr if you

do not wish to receive these digests. If you have received the "Inquiries Into

the Absolute" digests despite requesting removal in the past, please let us

know immediately by emailing us at iskcon_dc These functions are

currently not available at the ISKCON DC website or by emailing

admin (AT) iskcondc (DOT) org.

 

-

------------------

** A brief biography of His Holiness Romapada Swami is available at:

http://www.prastha.com/cgi-bin/uncgi/renderphilo.pl?ndx=2

** This and all previous digests are available on the web**

They can be accessed at: http://www.iskcondc.org -> Philosophy -> Inquiries

into the Absolute

http://www.iskcondc.org/cgi-bin/renderphilo.pl?ndx=132

You can also directly link to our Philosophy website by adding the following

URL to your website:

http://www.prastha.com/cgi-bin/uncgi/renderphilo.pl

-

------------------

 

This email has been sent to you by the ISKCON temple of Washington D.C.

Our contacts are:

Email: iskcon_dcr

Web Address: http://www.iskcondc.org

Postal: 10310 Oaklyn Drive, Potomac, MD 20854