Volume 6, Chapter 19

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Diary of a Traveling Preacher

 

Volume 6, Chapter 19

 

By Indradyumna Swami

 

September 27 - November 8, 2005

 

 

"Disappearance Day Offering to Srila Prabhupada"

 

 

Dearest Srila Prabhupada,

 

Please accept my most humble obeisances in the dust of your lotus feet. All

glories to you!

 

My glorious master, on this auspicious anniversary of your departure from

the world, I once again find myself in the holy land of Vrindavan. It was

here that you retired from family life and in your old age began your

mission of taking Lord Caitanya's message to the West.

 

I too have retired from family affairs, and now I am beginning to feel the

effects of aging. Each year, following in your footsteps, I come to take

shelter of this holy dhama, and in time I return to my preaching in the

West.

 

My youthful energy and bodily strength have long disappeared, and without

your example I might think of relaxing now, but you showed that the latter

part of life can be the best time for preaching.

 

As one grows older, the senses, weakened and humiliated in their attempt to

enjoy this world, become submissive to the desires of the Lord. The mind,

disciplined by decades of chanting the holy names, finds peace and joy in

those sacred sounds. And above all, the satisfaction of years of devotional

service at last overwhelm one's attraction to the beauty of this world, and

one abandons all that is not essential to devotional service to the Lord.

 

Srila Prabhupada, a recent illness has forced me to rethink my priorities

and has renewed my appreciation for the gifts you've given me: your merciful

shelter, the Mahamantra, service to the Vaisnavas, and the privilege of

being part of the sankirtan movement of Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu.

 

During my recuperation, I remembered how you had once given me a piece of

your own clothing. "A gift from a Vaisnava is a very special thing," you

said. As love is reciprocal, I want to return your kindness and give you

what I know pleases you the most: the spreading of Krsna consciousness

throughout the world.

 

My illness was a mixed blessing. Although it forced me away from the field

of preaching for over a month, it has made me see more clearly that life is

full of suffering, not just my own but that of others as well.

 

Now is not the time to become inactive. On the contrary, my health has been

rejuvenated, and I am duty bound to use whatever years remain for sharing my

good fortune with others. Though my pace may slacken, please bless me that

my words and realizations may deepen, enabling others to obtain your mercy

as well.

 

On this auspicious day I pray for the determination to preach your sublime

message until my final breath. In the end, if my heart is purified and you

feel it appropriate, please let me assist you in your eternal service in the

spiritual sky. By your grace alone is such mercy possible.

 

vettha tvam saumya tat sarvam

tattvatas tad-anugrahat

bruyuh snigdhasya sisyasya

guravo guhyam apy uta

 

"And because you are submissive, your spiritual masters have endowed you

with all the favors bestowed upon a gentle disciple. Therefore you can tell

us all that you have scientifically learned from them."

 

[ Srimad Bhagavatam 1.1.8 ]

 

In a few days, I will follow your example and leave Vrindavan. Though I come

to this transcendental abode each year, I have yet to fathom its wonders. It

is said that all the opulence of Vaikuntha cannot compare to even one

particle of dust from this holy realm. I am certainly not qualified to stay

here, but I know that by preaching the glories of Vrindavan in separation, I

may one day develop the qualification to serve here forever. Certainly this

will be your greatest gift upon me.

 

I thank you for everything.

 

Your eternal servant,

Indradyumna Swami

 

Indradyumna.swami (AT) pamho (DOT) net

 

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