Response

[Guest guest]

Dear Devotees,

 

Please accept my humble obeisances. All glories to Srila Prabhupada.

 

I have been called a fool and chastised by those who are my authorities and

well-wishers. For those of you who know me, this is no great revelation; nor

does it require even a morsel of humility to admit (which is just as well as

I possess very little in the way of recognizable humility). I can only

apologize for my conditioning, which overrides my intelligence and results

in sometimes regrettable responses. I am neither shamed nor proud of such

conditioning - it simply is what it is: a fact.

 

I am responsible for my own behavior, and only write to prevent the

reflected "blame" that others may suffer due to their association with me.

One devotee pointed out to me that I am no doubt a result of my "Aussie"

upbringing; yet I know gentle and soft-hearted Australians whose natures

resemble nothing of mine. It would be unfair of anyone to blame my country

of birth. It would also be unfair to blame my upbringing, being as it was in

the capable hands of a religious, pious, soft-hearted and gentle woman,

whose values gave me the foundation for devotional life: my mother. She is

not to blame for my conditioning, or my rebellious nature (which is more a

product of my father: a long line of clan Scots, whose attachment to battles

and justice lives on . Nor should my vartmapradakshana gurus - my brothers

Ramanuja and Bhima - be faulted for failing to instil the proper principles

in me. They would no doubt chuckle, but tell me to bite my tongue. Nor is it

a reflection of the lack of influence my siksa gurus have on me. Nor is it

the responsibility of my exceptionally tolerant, fine, and very supportive

husband, HG Jahnudvipa prabhu, who will one day be canonized for his years

of marriage to me.

 

I am only sorry that my responses might reflect badly on these people, and

mostly upon my guru maharaja, HH Tamal Krishna Goswami. It is not due to a

lack of training, love, support, or care that I am the way I am: he has in

the past shaken his head at me and tolerated my conditioning, all the while

praying for a change, no doubt. I am secure in the knowledge that I have

done worse than this, yet found his shelter and forgiveness. Such is the

mercy of the true Vaisnava. To him, and to these people mentioned above, I

offer my heartfelt obeisances and apologies that they might suffer as a

result of their association with me.

 

I also apologize to those who are my authorities and whom I serve in

Mayapur, Vrindavan, and worldwide through my service. I regret that your

faith in me might be shaken by my inability to control my conditioning.

 

To Nagaraja prabhu, I say one thing only: I am silenced by the collective

clatter of 432 hooves (on last count), and ask your extended mercy.

 

To those of you who remain unsatisfied by this, I can only say, kindly take

whatever is left of my "good name," and tear it to pieces amongst you until

you are satisfied. I ask only that you leave me the suffix of 'dasi,' which

is my only wealth.

 

To those who seek substance and truth, I ask that you endeavor to understand

the emotional reaction of one who is intolerant of promotion and support of

atheistic and apsiddhantic philosophies in ISKCON, and to question also the

motivations of one who would edit, manipulate, and post private emails to

public forums to further their own agenda.

 

To the assembled Vaisnavas, I ask your blessings that I may continue to

serve the devotees, my guru, and the Supreme Lord.

 

Hare Krishna

Your servant

Braja Sevaki dasi