Being Stuck and Seeking Final

[Guest guest]

Hi Everyone,

 

Yes, I'm a bit stuck, in my spiritual path. It's true. My past has

rendered me jaded somewhat.

 

Recently Amma came to California. I could have gone. But what happens is

I see myself driving down there, burning gas, spending time, effort, to

get the darshan. I ponder what it would be like if I got "excited" or

"enthused" or "enlivened spiritually" by this contact. Then I think "it

took the gas, the driving, the time, the endevour" and then I know, for

sure, that the enthusiasm is dependent on all that, and her, and seeing

her, and that it could also wear off.

 

I then sit back and think: I have to find and be in a permanent state by

myself, then only will I be happy. It's a matter of inner acceptance, I think.

 

I think I "know enough". Experiencing is more what she and some others

are about, I realize. But I just feel it's time for me to find it in

myself.

 

I know also, practically speaking, that I would meet people, make

friends, see a bunch of new ager spiritual woman there too, all these

things distractions. Sitting in my house all alone and lonely forces me

to a higher level of devotion and meditation. I prefer the latter these

days. It's a type of "stuck" that I'm growing to accept as my path right

now. I've noticed that many spiritual well-knowns had a period of

isolation in their lives during which they sortof "became" the person

who became well known. So I take it that isolation can be helpful in

finding one's inner peace. I'm starting to see mine that way.

 

I have no grudge, but just little interest. The process of hoopla and

excitement around popular Gurus is highly annoying, and the social life

around same highly distracting, to me.

 

Plus, my real desire, my real honest personal desire at this time, is to

be extremely personally steady, austere, focused, on writing awesome

astrology software. I love programming, but it's hard to do all day. But

making myself become better at staying in the programming seat, whatever

it takes, that's what I'm actually personally interested in.

 

I have a room which is like a sanctuary to me. It's got all that I need

in it. I live in a peaceful house in a peaceful neighborhood with my two

rather peaceful teenagers who really respect me and help me. Our house

ticks like a clock day in and day out. Peace peace peace. I desire to

accept this as the Lords arrangement for me to do this service which I

love anyway. So I am happy on one level, to just stay in my room and do

this service. So going out to see a Guru and get Darshan is a type of

distraction for me at this time.

 

I'm happy that those of us discussing this are doing so with love and

respect. Kasi Visvanathan is certainly not reacting to me negatively. I

appreciate that. One of my best friends is going right now to India to

be with Amma. She is an ardent devotee. I hear daily of Amma. Amma is

everything to her. I have no problem with that. I have Hare Krishna

friends who are so into particular Vaisnava Gurus at this time. I have

seen and heard those. Nothing happens. I am just made to do my service.

 

My Lord has surrounded me on all sides. I can't escape. I am overwhelmed

by the mighty arms which surround me, my creator, my support, my

environment, it's all in my Lord. I am a toy or subject of this great

thing which I am a part of. So overwhelming is this awareness to me that

I cannot escape it for a moment. That is not how I started in this life,

so it is still something I'm adjusting to. The ignorance of "normal"

life I can still remember, but cannot go back to. It was brief, only

about 16 years long. After that, it was all taken by this one great

awareness, or this entity, who owns me. Now at 40 I'm trying to fully

accept and perfect my acceptance and dance with this creator. Now I feel

myself gradually on the downhill, uphill, phase of bodily returning to

His/Her elements, and I'm fully conscious, so it's a dance of loving

acceptance.

 

I'm glad we can discuss these things here. This is actually the inner

essential message of Jyotish. That we are in, controlled by, handled by,

being raised by, some greater forces. Researching the nature of the

personality of those forces is what spiritual life is made of.

 

I congratulate us all for being/reading here.

 

I love you all for being with me in this.

 

Peace today, may you be aware, and may I,

 

Raghu Goravani

 

 

 

 

 

 

2852 Willamette St # 353

Eugene OR USA 97405

 

or

Fax: 541-343-0344

 

"Goravani Jyotish"

Vedic/Hindu Astrology Software

[Guest guest]

Dear Raghu,

 

As you know, I support your views.

"The lord is my shepherd, I shall not want ....."

 

If you can afford the time and gas, it is worth going to see Ammachi. It won´t

specifically improve your spirituality, but it will be a great holiday. Amma´s

smile - whether you sit for hours to get the hug or not - is, somehow, very

encouraging! I love these meetings, not necessarily the last "bhava show", with

Amma wearing a rather cheap-looking crown etc. but I always wait for her actual

departure, usually at about 3 am! She is tired, but FULLY THERE! She touches

your cheek, says a word of love ...... and you feel great. It fills your tank.

 

There is a certain regimentation at these meetings, but it is minimal and

generally sensible. There is great freedom too- and an enormous atmosphere of

love.... One doesn´t have to fall into raptures over the meeting, but it helps!

One reason for my going there was that a Dutch opera singer would sing Ave Maria

and Miserere so movingly that I always wept!... It is a good break!

 

regards

Mani

[Guest guest]

gjlist , Das Goravani <das@g...> wrote:

>>Recently Amma came to California. I could have gone. But what

>>happens is I see myself driving down there,...

>>

>>I then sit back and think: I have to find and be in a permanent

>>state by myself, then only will I be happy. It's a matter of inner

>>acceptance, I think.

>>

>>I think I "know enough". Experiencing is more what she and some

>>others are about, I realize. But I just feel it's time for me to

>>find it in myself.

 

Hi once again..,

 

Funny, same thing to me last September, when Amma was in Helsinki. "I

had to go" and i thought i have to be there, but something really

stopped - had always stopped, and i didn´t. I went there next

morning, but still i found myself just hanging around and thinking;

why? Here in Helsinki is Amma-center, Transcendental Meditation-

center and the whole stuff of all kind of Guru-centers..., but i

don´t have anykind of need to visit those places.

 

I have always been close to spirituality, learning a lot of religions

and history. When i was younger i thought to go to monastery or

something - and also as an adult i have thought so - or becoming

priest or something - it could be like an my own mission. But still i

think; why? For what, status? No, My journey is without status. I´m

not depending on gurus, TM-movement or meditation or whatever.., my

journey goes on and the most important is what i feel and think; i´m

aware of tings around me, but i don´t wanna be stuck them - in fact i

create my own "isolation" in my own mind - everything is in me, not

around me, or in fact what´s the difference anyway...I like my own

sanctuary, it´s enough.

 

Anyway, of course i´ve been part of out-world, and got hard lessons;

for example my fathers death and my separation fro my relatives -

livin quite alone here in Helsinki. My divorce and kind of separation

also from my seven y.o daughter - i´m not totally separated from her,

i love my daughter and she is very special, like an angel from

heavens.., but still i feel i´m separated from her and everything. In

those days i got unemployed and personality like me is very hard to

find my own place in society - because maybe the whole society is not

for me. That information maybe is quite easy to see also from my

birthchart or what you think...

 

Okay, have to close now, bye!

 

Mark