Subtle Pain in a Chart

May 16, 2001

Hello

The more I live human life, the more I realize about it. Today I am struck

with the subtle effects of Moon afflictions.

All my life I have felt an agitation. I thought it was normal. I thought life

was uncomfortable to everyone, and that I was just "bad" because I didn't

seem to be able to handle this discomfort as well as others. When others were

able to play, I just contemplated release. I thought I was weak.

Now that I'm aware that I have a certain chart, and others have other charts,

and I'm lately experimenting with foods/supplements known to affect the mood

neurotransmitter Dopamine and pain regulating Prostoglandins, and am

experiencing the subtle effets of these on myself, I am newly aware of mood

as a chemically affected factor inside ourselves, and newly aware of the

white noise and subtle agitation I've been living my life under.

I've come to realize that there is this constant pushing discomfort feeling,

which is not supposed to be there really, or doesn't HAVE TO be there, and it

is accompanied by many RESULTant factors, which stem from it, which are

themselves the directly felt problems, much as AIDS is a setup, which leads

to diseases you actually feel, but AIDS itself is not as much "felt" as the

diseases it leads to.

In my chart, there is a Moon affliction situation, in that it is:

Moon is 4th lord, as Aries rises

Moon is in 11th, Aquarius, in Satabish, 2nd pada

Moon is loosely conjoined by Ketu, which is at very late Aquarius

Moon is aspected only by Saturn, in both Rasi and Navamsa

Moon is in Saturn's signs in both Rasi and Navamsa

Moon's dispositor is in the 9th

Meanings:

Moon is 4th lord, as Aries rises

-----------

Moon is always connected to one's mind and emotions, but for Aries rising, it

is assuming it's natural lordship over the 4th house, which rules feelings of

comfort and well being. This lord is 8th from this house, meaning, it has

gone to the angle of self destruction from the 4th, as any lord going 8th

from it's sign is very not good for that sign.

Moon is in 11th, Aquarius, in Satabish, 2nd pada

-----------

Moon, Mind, is in the house of desire and drive, what is pushing this?

Satabish is very knarly- a "hard core" store in terms of life...lonely,

intense, scientific, grouchy, a bit head in the clouds-ish.

Moon is loosely conjoined by Ketu, which is at very late Aquarius

-----------

Ketu is a killer. Ketu causes intense feelings of leaving, or loss, or giving

up, death, or you could say "Mosha", but that's for a few. Mostly it's taking

you in that direction, which is to say, you experience very heavy things in

life in the direction of removal of things in your life and mind, replacing

them with spirit.

Moon is aspected only by Saturn, in both Rasi and Navamsa

-----------

Moon is under "heavy" waves, impulses of blockade, obstacle, seriousness.

Saturn's aspect on the Moon is "darkening" on all levels. Slows things down,

makes them doubtful rather than optimistic. Shows possibilities for

depression and other mood related problems, as well as simple obstacles in

life, plain and simple.

Moon is in Saturn's signs in both Rasi and Navamsa

-----------

Moon being in Shani's signs and under it's aspect in both is very

significant. In one it's in 11th, and in Navamsa it in the 9th, Aquarius, as

Gemini rises.

Moon's dispositor is in the 9th

-----------

Moon's dispositor in 9th Rasi, 6th Navamsa Scorpio, shows the relationship to

obstacles in life is partly based on dharma and service. Whether the person

be rich or poor, the 9th/6th house combo is a certain combo, and with Moon in

Shani Rasis in 9/6, aspected only by Shani, is a certain intense combo that

speaks. 9th is dharma, sixth is Seva, or service. 9th is humility before God,

and 6th is debts, diseases, curing or having.

Moon in Aq/Cap/9/6/rasi/nav is an intense moon in terms of religion, service,

contact with seriousness, sobriety on an emotional level, related to seeing

the problems of life, and trying to fix/serve them through the religious

chanel, contact with God in a way which is full of difficulty, and so on.

It's a Mother Theresa kind of thing- service, God, humility, knowing the

bottom of the pit, and so on.

Once an astrologer, Drew Lawrence, looked at my chart, and said, "one thing

is for sure, I think you have Mother issues". Well, duh!

I mean, 4th lord is basically slammed. Kaput. And it's the Moon.

What's up with that?

Seeing your Mom give her life to child rearing, like 11 of them, like alone I

saw it for a solid seven years, but it went on alot before that with a sick

husband, then after that, after I left and never looked back, it went on for

more as she finished up the raising of my younger sisters. I couldn't watch

any longer. I rejected my family at 19 and didn't look back much at all. I've

only visited them a few times, like once a year or so, and briefly, not being

to admit to myself that this family was mine. I didn't want to deal with it

at all. The reasons, mostly religious, on both sides, for them, the normal

"Irish Catholic American Life" was normal, and for me, they were despicably

ignorant and way too "normal" for me, having no interest in philosophy,

Eastern stuff, etc.

So the loss of emotional happiness, loss of mother, loss of roots, are all

related to Moon or Mind seeking fulfilment (11th) in the fixed air sign

(unchanging knowledge) guided by the 9th/Sag with lord Jup present, which

means, guided by really strong religios influences. Furthermore, the Ketu

agitation will add EXTREME emotional difficulty to all of this, as the

element of total fear will always be near by. This person is really sweating

out their Moon karma, it's not light, as Ketu's presence indicates it all

takes place near the head chopping block. It's a real serious engagement here.

Then see, Saturn is EXACTLY a perfect 9th from Natal Venus. Thus there are

Navamsa conjunct as well, of course, since Navamsa conjunction placements are

reflections of trinal distances from each other in the Rasi. So this means

that the Venus is blocked by the biggest strongest blocker, Saturn, because

the 9th angle is the angle of blessings and fortunes. Saturn sitting right

there means he is deliberately blocking the channel through which my Venus

gets it's food from God, or it's fortune. So all Venus things must go

by/through Saturn to eat their blessings (their astral Wheaties).

So my Venus is not getting much 9th joy, or if She is, it's got a light blue

tint like toilet bowl water in a non-earth loving womans home.

So this is all tied together. Religion, religious blocks on "enjoying", and

many material little difficulties, feelings of having no mother (forget

father), so no parents, and many things, all tie together to make the life

the way it is, religiously agitated, for better and worse, feelings of

abandonment and lonliness, feelings of fear (Ketu near Moon is not easy to

bear).

Instead of belaboring my lifes little attributes, my real intent is to convey

that I am struck with the EXACT perfection of my chart in terms of my real

life experiences. This alone is so Proving of Jyotish to me. I want to simply

convey that. I have lived the drama of my chart so clearly to me, I can't

believe it. It's always right "there" with the facts, corresponding directly

to the life I live.

I have to say also, I'm a little bit interested in watching transits just

after minor life events on a day to day basis. Rather than doing any Muhurtha

whatsoever, I instead do the opposite. I live by the cuff (do what I want

when I want) and then I check the transits and dashas to see if there are any

hits or lineups of my astrological knowledge with what just happened.

Yes.

Any questions?

Yes, there are lienups.

Like I will write a letter to someone, then look, and see that when I sent

it, the nearly exact point of that persons house in my chart is rising. For

example, spouse, 7th from lagna exactly, first child, 5 from lagna exactly,

and so on. It's often amazing. Like when I "entered my home" for the first

time, my Moon was rising, and since it's 4th lord, this is the lord of real

estate. It was rising in tkey sky (12 deg aqua. was rising) when I entered

that home. Consequently, that was a dark experience, in that house, mostly

everything was slow, negative, depressing, and my months in that home were

not good for me overall, looking back. I had a significant period of "feeling

my afflicted fourth lord" the whole time we lived there.

I find it amazing how much rising angles reflect my life on a moment to

moment basis.

I had high hopes as he was driving to visit me for the first time. I had high

hopes. I saw fun, doing stuff together, I saw a new friend, a comrade really,

someone I could be close to, and really do alot with. I had high hopes. Do

you hear 11/5, or Leo/Aqu in my case? You should. Not the signs, the houses.

Hopes, wishes, fun, doing stuff, etc. All 5/11.

Leo was rising at the time he was supposed to arrive. This would have been

good.

But what rises after your 5th? Your 6th. Uh oh. No fun. No joy. All hard

stuff, including "enemies".

Why was he late? Hmmm. Must have his reasons. Busy, engaged, whatever. But

cosmically, as those moment ticked by, 4 minutes per degree for the lagna

generally, the reality for me shifted from friend to potentially enemy. I

accept, know and walk in half time awareness of the one. I understood, and

did not oppose. His will be done, is in my blood.

He arrived. I could instantly see the arrogance, filtered through a very kind

layer, which was real, but this was a strong person, on a mission, not to be

stopped really, different from me, not a fading flower type, not the

emotional type as much. A real Leo rising with Sun in Cap in the 6th.

So we were not to mingle extensively. Friends, but with some reservations

about each other. The space case genious distracted scientists meets the

money man manager boss. I can't be controlled, he's not spaced out enough,

we're not to be great buddies. The sky is no lie. Always. I just watch and

see it, or wait and see it later. It's always true and always in control, or

one with the flow of control which it reflects as do all things, in light,

but darkened eyes do not see the light of truth though it dances inside the

ball of their eyes. Their brain doesn't see the pattern. Doesn't yet

recognize that which has it has no entrance grace, no connection, to. You

must know to see. You cannot see what you don't believe in. When you believe

in it, you'll see it, all inclusive.

Therefore, like the sixth sense. It's not "easy" being around people who see

more than normal, like those who see ghosts etc. What if you see too much,

including the future? Then you can be a bit weird to be around.

The Moon in the eleventh: "I'm focusing on what I hope for, and friends, gain"

Ketu there: "Where are the things I want, and why do I have so much of what I

don't want? I am afraid, there is fear, uh oh, something is wrong or about to

happen, that is negative. Agitation, fear, loathing."

Why so few friends he wonders. Because son, you feel too much religion, too

much fear, have too strange of perceptions, are too not normal. In short son,

you are really weird. But you are beautiful, but remember those awful words

of Bepin Behari that you "fear" so much: "The Aquarian usually has to tread

their path alone." NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Where is your fear? Where is your Ketu. Mine is in the house of friends,

achievements, gains, older siblings. Mine is related to religious blockades,

just combine 9th and Saturn and Sagittarius and you get the phrase "religious

blocakes high ideals". Yes. Because of idealism around Hinduism, I cut off my

older siblings, my mother, friends, and thus pretty much dashed my hopes for

happiness (moon/4th lord together- general well being).

I often see directly in life that "the reason" for something in someones life

is directly related to the dispositor of a planet in a house. Like "the

reason" for most of my Moon related problems, will be it's lord, where it's

gone and what that says about "why". Like my Shani is in 9 in Sag with Jup,

so this is a very idealistic religious setup. So the reason is that-

idealistic religion.

Yes!

My entire perception of why my childhood was the way it was is simple: Jesus.

I am so hung up on how much this man and his admirer St Paul have so much

controlled and ruined my life so to speak, on one level. If I were to look to

any motivating factor, it would be all the Catholicism in my life. My mother

was a wholly unhappy person. She held it together with "Jesus" glue, it's

meaning being "It's all an offering to Jesus". "Offer it up". She said that

constantly. She was a Saint of pain. I honor her for that. A martyr. But is

life meant to be like that? She's the one who got pregnant 13 times, and had

11 babies. She was OK with that. There was birth control in her day. It's not

that it was all forced on her. She chose to be a martyr. There's reasons. I

know some things about her life. But this is what she did.

Then I chose idealism, ala Hare Krishna style. I continued the trend, and

that experience reinforced and way more than that, made me a worker big time

on behalf of "strict idealistic religious tenets". It affected everything. I

married blind "Hindu style" and suffered alot thereby. I gave up everything,

and suffered alot thereby. I limited my friends to only Hare Krishnas, as the

intense one's do usually. Like that. It just went on and on. Religion

religion, and all that means.

Raghu Goravani

2852 Willamette St # 353

Eugene OR USA 97405

or

Fax: 541-343-0344

"Goravani Jyotish"

Vedic/Hindu Astrology Software

May 16, 2001

Dear Das,

Your insights into your chart are a WONDERFULL expose of the all

encompassing laws of creative intelligence. It's a perfect example of the

wealth of information to be found in Rashi. One of the greatest tragedies

(as I've said repeatedly) of looking to divisionals, is that we can miss the

richness of Rashi. Your understanding of your karma as it's laid out in your

chart is one of the best "jyotish" lessons put forward in a long time.

Students should study their own charts in this way and with this much

understanding. Also Das, your previous posts related to altered states of

awareness, are perfectly understandable with 1/8 lord Mars in 12th house.

People (rightly) think of the 12th as a house of misfortune, of loss...but

"Loss" of boundaries is what gives this house it's "Moksha" attributes.

People who are drawn to meditation, and people who are drawn to intoxicants,

are both fulfilling the need to go beyond the boundaries of consciousness

and experience their true (unbounded) awareness. The planets associated with

this house will show in what way we tend to experience these altered states

of consciousness.

Regards

Wendy

DAS WROTE:

=========

Hello

The more I live human life, the more I realize about it. Today I am struck

with the subtle effects of Moon afflictions.

All my life I have felt an agitation. I thought it was normal. I thought

life

was uncomfortable to everyone, and that I was just "bad" because I didn't

seem to be able to handle this discomfort as well as others. When others

were

able to play, I just contemplated release. I thought I was weak.

Now that I'm aware that I have a certain chart, and others have other

charts,

and I'm lately experimenting with foods/supplements known to affect the mood

neurotransmitter Dopamine and pain regulating Prostoglandins, and am

experiencing the subtle effets of these on myself, I am newly aware of mood

as a chemically affected factor inside ourselves, and newly aware of the

white noise and subtle agitation I've been living my life under.

I've come to realize that there is this constant pushing discomfort feeling,

which is not supposed to be there really, or doesn't HAVE TO be there, and

it

is accompanied by many RESULTant factors, which stem from it, which are

themselves the directly felt problems, much as AIDS is a setup, which leads

to diseases you actually feel, but AIDS itself is not as much "felt" as the

diseases it leads to.

In my chart, there is a Moon affliction situation, in that it is:

Moon is 4th lord, as Aries rises

Moon is in 11th, Aquarius, in Satabish, 2nd pada

Moon is loosely conjoined by Ketu, which is at very late Aquarius

Moon is aspected only by Saturn, in both Rasi and Navamsa

Moon is in Saturn's signs in both Rasi and Navamsa

Moon's dispositor is in the 9th

Meanings:

Moon is 4th lord, as Aries rises

-----------

Moon is always connected to one's mind and emotions, but for Aries rising,

it

is assuming it's natural lordship over the 4th house, which rules feelings

of

comfort and well being. This lord is 8th from this house, meaning, it has

gone to the angle of self destruction from the 4th, as any lord going 8th

from it's sign is very not good for that sign.

Moon is in 11th, Aquarius, in Satabish, 2nd pada

-----------

Moon, Mind, is in the house of desire and drive, what is pushing this?

Satabish is very knarly- a "hard core" store in terms of life...lonely,

intense, scientific, grouchy, a bit head in the clouds-ish.

Moon is loosely conjoined by Ketu, which is at very late Aquarius

-----------

Ketu is a killer. Ketu causes intense feelings of leaving, or loss, or

giving

up, death, or you could say "Mosha", but that's for a few. Mostly it's

taking

you in that direction, which is to say, you experience very heavy things in

life in the direction of removal of things in your life and mind, replacing

them with spirit.

Moon is aspected only by Saturn, in both Rasi and Navamsa

-----------

Moon is under "heavy" waves, impulses of blockade, obstacle, seriousness.

Saturn's aspect on the Moon is "darkening" on all levels. Slows things down,

makes them doubtful rather than optimistic. Shows possibilities for

depression and other mood related problems, as well as simple obstacles in

life, plain and simple.

Moon is in Saturn's signs in both Rasi and Navamsa

-----------

Moon being in Shani's signs and under it's aspect in both is very

significant. In one it's in 11th, and in Navamsa it in the 9th, Aquarius, as

Gemini rises.

Moon's dispositor is in the 9th

-----------

Moon's dispositor in 9th Rasi, 6th Navamsa Scorpio, shows the relationship

to

obstacles in life is partly based on dharma and service. Whether the person

be rich or poor, the 9th/6th house combo is a certain combo, and with Moon

in

Shani Rasis in 9/6, aspected only by Shani, is a certain intense combo that

speaks. 9th is dharma, sixth is Seva, or service. 9th is humility before

God,

and 6th is debts, diseases, curing or having.

Moon in Aq/Cap/9/6/rasi/nav is an intense moon in terms of religion,

service,

contact with seriousness, sobriety on an emotional level, related to seeing

the problems of life, and trying to fix/serve them through the religious

chanel, contact with God in a way which is full of difficulty, and so on.

It's a Mother Theresa kind of thing- service, God, humility, knowing the

bottom of the pit, and so on.

Once an astrologer, Drew Lawrence, looked at my chart, and said, "one thing

is for sure, I think you have Mother issues". Well, duh!

I mean, 4th lord is basically slammed. Kaput. And it's the Moon.

What's up with that?

Seeing your Mom give her life to child rearing, like 11 of them, like alone

I

saw it for a solid seven years, but it went on alot before that with a sick

husband, then after that, after I left and never looked back, it went on for

more as she finished up the raising of my younger sisters. I couldn't watch

any longer. I rejected my family at 19 and didn't look back much at all.

I've

only visited them a few times, like once a year or so, and briefly, not

being

to admit to myself that this family was mine. I didn't want to deal with it

at all. The reasons, mostly religious, on both sides, for them, the normal

"Irish Catholic American Life" was normal, and for me, they were despicably

ignorant and way too "normal" for me, having no interest in philosophy,

Eastern stuff, etc.

So the loss of emotional happiness, loss of mother, loss of roots, are all

related to Moon or Mind seeking fulfilment (11th) in the fixed air sign

(unchanging knowledge) guided by the 9th/Sag with lord Jup present, which

means, guided by really strong religios influences. Furthermore, the Ketu

agitation will add EXTREME emotional difficulty to all of this, as the

element of total fear will always be near by. This person is really sweating

out their Moon karma, it's not light, as Ketu's presence indicates it all

takes place near the head chopping block. It's a real serious engagement

here.

Then see, Saturn is EXACTLY a perfect 9th from Natal Venus. Thus there are

Navamsa conjunct as well, of course, since Navamsa conjunction placements

are