DR: Bearing the onslaught of lieing chemicals

[Guest guest]

For the last few days I have the distinct displeasure of what would be called

a "relapse", but which I'd rather refer to as an "unwanted onslaught of the

wrong chemicals for some as yet unknown reason".

 

For the last 3 days, I have experienced sinking down again in mood to lows

that are very scary. I can barely type this. The shaking is back, the tight

stomach, I feel like I'm going to puke. That feeling one would get if one was

in a war, and all one's friends were just bombed to pieces, that puking and

all is lost feeling, that's what I'm baring right this moment, intensely so.

 

Many people have it worse than me in life, so it's not about external

factors. Mood imbalances like this are purely chemical, or you could call

them neurological disorders, mood disorders, depression, whatever. They are

caused immediately by changes in chemical balances in the brain. They are

normally reserved for intensely terrible situations, and give one the

necessary feelings to deal with those intense situations.

 

One should not wake up in a really nice neighborhood, to the nice sun and

birds I see and hear outside, to a room full of excellent creative and

business opportunities, and feel total fear, total pain, total regret, total

lonliness, total and absolute traumatic feelings. No, this is not right.

Something is wrong.

 

I'm doing all I know how to do to reverse this situation. I can go over the

triggers of the last few days. I can try to talk myself out of it. It's very

hard. Thinking thoughts causes these chemicals to fire off. You can

supposedly think yourself out of this, supposedly. I have yet to be able to

do that.

 

I am typing this from a personality I know exists, but which I cannot

currently feel. I am just forcing myself intellectually to do this typing, in

a dry tone of voice, as if I'm separate from this pain, when actually, I'm

not separate from it at all.

 

Perhaps today it will break and I can get back to something more livable.

 

In the last month I've worked hard on probing the depths of my life and

psyche to try to find out the root of this problem. I've learned alot about

my father, my family, my own childhood. All kinds of things came out that

were blocked. I talked to siblings about it all, and that was revealing.

 

Basically I've come to realize that I had essentially no father or mother,

that I was raised by my siblings, mainly my brothers, who were in a row 3 of

them all older than me, and that I had to work for the family from very

early, perhaps 12 or so. I got jobs consistantly throughout my teens working

all the time, like my siblings, and we supported the family somewhat. My

escape was drugs, from about 13 onwards.

 

I had a powerful brain. My intellect has separated me from friends

consistantly. That on top of growing up in a sort of reject massive family

poverty situation, I learned I could get attention from pleasing others with

intellectual feats or anything "fantastic", which I could often pull off.

 

Basically, running lifelong on an engine made of feelings of abandonment and

neglect, I learned that I could get attention from accomplishments, and thus

replace normal familial/parental need holes left from childhood with the

replacement "gee you're great" type of love that I could get from anywhere

anytime.

 

This worked in High School, College, the Hare Krishna movement, and in the

business world. But the familial then marital situations were never deep

enough to fill in the real emptiness with the real connection that was

lacking. Just bad karma in that regard.

 

What I've grown up with seems like too much "qualifying" for love. I grew up

in a rich area actually, the Oakland Hills, as opposed to the flat areas. In

the Hills, many wealthy families are there. I grew up amongst kids way more

privelaged than we were. We were a "tolerated" family in our neighborhood.

There was 11 of us kids, all dressed in hand-me-downs. We were like a country

poor family in the middle of a big city bedroom community of lawyers and

doctors. Their children threw us their leftovers- of all types- toys, tools,

bikes, clothes, they even took us on vacations to give us charity. The Church

chipped in, everybody helped us. We could give nothing except labor. We were

a good labor family- 4 strong teenage boys all in age row, just one to two

years apart each. And 7 girls spanning all ages to pick from for babysitting

etc. We needed money. We were ever ready to work, to do anything.

 

The work ethic was so intense. I was born with Saturn on the Midheaven

exactly. It's always been there. Before High School, in my early teens, I was

working in a Floral warehouse in San Francisco in the wee morning hours to

make money. Then going to school, then doing another job. This was typical

for all of us boys. We worked very hard from early teens on, and it never

stopped. We knew we were workers from early on. The hours we converted to

pay, and saved, were the only way we could get anywhere in life. Period.

There was no father, no training, no inheretance, nothing to take over, just

"go out, find work, make money, figure out a working mans life for yourself".

 

The feeling of being at the bottom of society just starting out was very

apparent. Tales of my grandfathers large business in Oakland "Motor News",

were just faded histories. Tales of my g.g.g. grandfather owning Berkeley,

the whole city, with friend Vince Peralta nearby owning Oakland, all just

faded histories. I may have come from a family that once was somebody, but it

wasn't apparent any longer when I grew up.

 

It's because of my Dad. My Mom came from this prominent background, all pure

Irish, all located in the SF Bay Area since it's settlement centuries

earlier, and in a grand way the family went on with some achievement and

status, even she was raised in a family that had a boat, a ranch, and so

forth. But my Dad, no way. He was a poor nearly illiterate farmboy from Ohio.

Why they fell in love is not known to me, but they did.

 

But after his mental destruction in WWII, and years of having kids, the real

relationship where she was simply mentally and culturally superior was

apparent and the order of the day. She wore the pants. Plain and simple. That

was necessary too, not a fault. He was definitely going nowhere

emotionally/mentally as I remember him. Nobody was home really. I've

confirmed this with my elder siblings lately. My Mom is more a martyr than at

fault in any way. She gave her life to a pretty sad scenario.

 

I lived in a messed up family life primarily due to three factors:

 

1. Pearl Harbor and WWII's effects on my Dads mind and emotions

2. The Catholic Church's effect on my parents- no birth control

3. My Mom's over-love for my fathers pathetic condition which allowed and

made the way for 11 kids one after another though he was not mentally capable

of really being there for her.

 

However, if they had not followed this path in life, I would not exist in

this body, as I was there "first mistake", number 7 when they wanted only 6.

Of course, I was followed by 4 more girls.

 

In our family, the first 4 kids are the most stable. Though they too have

suffered some depression, in general, they have more stable lives overall

than those of us who follow. In the middle, those of us who experienced the

falling apart of our dad at tender youthful aware ages, are the most messed

up. The girls following me were more raised without dad at all. I think I

was the one right in the hotseat of basically having no Mom because when I

was the baby she was out of action fully due to right then dealing with

daddys downfall and all that meant, which to her life, meant everything.

 

What's the chance of a 51 year old woman with 11 kids and no money ever

getting the attention of a man again? Not good. Putting daddy away meant

really being alone with alot of work and duties forever. Dig it? Social death

sentence. She went ahead anyway, thinking it better for us to not have him

around acting completely goofy all the time.

 

The holes, the missing empty parts of me, due to having no physical, or

emotional, or time to myself at all with either parent ever, on top of the

intense religious involvements we had as kids with the Church, especially

myself, the fixes of "achievement recognition" I learned since 3rd grade with

mathematics and so on, finding a fix in psychedelic drugs, finding a fix in

the arms of girlfriends, all of this, is what's on my mind now. If I could

fill in the holes somehow, and get back to happiness somehow, that would be

good.

 

I hear my parents telling me now: Go on, be reborn happy, we're happier now,

we're at peace more now, forget 6008 (the house where it all went down), move

on, be whole, be at peace. I cry. I hear it. I can't do it very well yet.

 

My dad needed to go home. He had already done his time. He was about to be

released. 4 years in the military is enough. Then they bombed the harbor, and

he was sentenced by the Navy to 4 more years at see with no shore leave time

at all, due to being needed in the Pacific. This is like a jail sentence to

be served at see and at war. I don't think anybody is ready for that normally.

 

If some celebrity was kidnapped and kept at see by terrorists for 4 years,

then returned, the media would focus on his emotional state. My Mom was the

main or only person who focused on my Dads mental state, by marrying him, and

making love to him a ton of times, and having all these kids, then raising

them without him while he had dillusions in a mental hospital for years. At

least the military put him up for free. At least they did that.

 

I am in one sense walking damaged due to sacrifices made by my father and

mother to deal with the war basically. I am walking world war two schrapnel

fodder. My emotions go up and down like the ocean my father tolerated year

after year at battle. One thought of the man sends me to tears. My sister

found letters my mother wrote to the wind about her life. So very much

sacrifice. So trapped in religious duty and martyrdom.

 

I conferred with my siblings. We are the products of rather devout Irish

Catholicism mixed with Pearl Harbor. In essence, these two factors shaped us

most. Further, for myself, being very desireful of love and recognition by

nature, the way I found best to get any attention was outside the family

situation, first at school, by being excellent, then in life, by being

successful, etc. So for me you add that and you kinda have the package view.

 

It's funny to think, but very true, that 60 years after the bombing of Pearl

Harbor, there's a guy walking around Eugene, who has emotional problems due

to the bombing, and who's achievements and accomplishments are quite a bit

due to trying to make up for a lack in himself, caused by the lack of father,

caused by that bombing essentially. But then, the kid wouldn't be here if

it's wasn't for the bombing.... In essence, the kid is the ongoing karma of

the previous generation...

 

Notice in my chart the 4th lord goes to the 11th. Remember I said I was

"raised by" my "older brothers". There's three of them. Three planets

directly are in or aspect my 11th. My oldest brother was also my father per

se. One of those planets is in the 9th. That brother, also took care of my

father later, after the hospital. The 9th lord is with this 11th lord in the

9th. The only time I had a meaningful discussion with my father (2 sentences

long), was sitting with him and this older brother in their house which they

shared when I was a young Hare Krishna guy. These things are all

prophetically in my chart.

 

just sharing. thanks for listening. thanks for being there. i'll handle this

myself. sharing for intellectual reasons, and to know that I'm heard by one

or two, that's all. nothing further required.

 

joke: just for fun I was thinking of going down to the corners in town where

the homeless folks beg with their cardboard signs at the street corners, and

finding my own corner, sit there with my sign which I'll write to say:

 

"Wealthy, famous, don't need anything, thanks anyway!"

 

That would probably be cause for lots of smiles, laughs, and some birdies

from the activists for the homeless. Should be interesting and fun. Should I

do that?

 

raghu

[Guest guest]

Dear Das,

 

Keeping to purely physical (non-jyotish) remedies, it may certainly help the

mood swings by clearing the body of access "Ama" that has likely built up

after long years of processed foods etc...a body heavy with Ama will not

produce anything but heaviness and depression, no matter how favourable our

outer circumstances may be.

 

A very simple and effective method of reducing Ama is to cut a small piece

of fresh ginger and put it in a thermos of hot water. Sip this slowly

throughout the day. Ayurveda tells us that the end product of food is either

Ama or Ojas...Ama is sticky and heavy (mucus like), whilst Ojas is light and

blissful in nature. Unfortunately most of the foods we eat today produce

Ama...even the fresh fruit and vegetables we get from the supermarket are no

longer fresh and wholesome as they've been kept for long periods in cold

rooms and treated to enhance shelf life...so almost anything we eat today

can and does produce Ama.

 

Drinking ginger tea (very hot, as described above) throughout the day is the

most effective way to eliminate excess Ama from the body.

 

I also advise you strongly to employ astrological remedies to rescue Moon

(mind)...this current SA dasa/RA bhukti period is not an easy one for

you...both bringing affliction to mind (Saturn aspecting MO {who is

afflicted by KE} and Rahu in 5th house of mind). Further to this of course,

you're in pratyantar dasa of 6th lord Mercury who is in retrograde motion

and conjunct Rahu. As if this weren't hard enough for you, you're also

running Ketu sookshmantar dasa...KE (as stated) is afflicting Moon.

 

You can struggle through this unaided Das, or you can seek out the remedies

(yagyas, etc) that will help ease this difficult time for you...the choice

is yours to make.

 

Love, Wendy

 

====================================

 

For the last few days I have the distinct displeasure of what would be

called

a "relapse", but which I'd rather refer to as an "unwanted onslaught of the

wrong chemicals for some as yet unknown reason".

 

For the last 3 days, I have experienced sinking down again in mood to lows

that are very scary. I can barely type this. The shaking is back, the tight

stomach, I feel like I'm going to puke. That feeling one would get if one

was

in a war, and all one's friends were just bombed to pieces, that puking and

all is lost feeling, that's what I'm baring right this moment, intensely so.

 

Many people have it worse than me in life, so it's not about external

factors. Mood imbalances like this are purely chemical, or you could call

them neurological disorders, mood disorders, depression, whatever. They are

caused immediately by changes in chemical balances in the brain. They are

normally reserved for intensely terrible situations, and give one the

necessary feelings to deal with those intense situations.

 

One should not wake up in a really nice neighborhood, to the nice sun and

birds I see and hear outside, to a room full of excellent creative and

business opportunities, and feel total fear, total pain, total regret, total

lonliness, total and absolute traumatic feelings. No, this is not right.

Something is wrong.

 

I'm doing all I know how to do to reverse this situation. I can go over the

triggers of the last few days. I can try to talk myself out of it. It's very

hard. Thinking thoughts causes these chemicals to fire off. You can

supposedly think yourself out of this, supposedly. I have yet to be able to

do that.

 

=====================================

[Guest guest]

PS: Retrograde Mercury conjunct Rahu is referring to current transit of

course...conjunction being that they occupy same house.......

 

Wendy

[Guest guest]

Das,

 

Try taking some St John's Wort (recommended dose: 3 gel capsules of 300mg

per day). It's very good for depression and mood swings. It's supposed to

be the natural answer to Prozac. Do a search on the Internet and I'm sure

you'll find lots of information.

 

Namaste

Dany

 

 

-

<goravani

<gjlist>

Friday, June 08, 2001 3:32 PM

[gjlist] DR: Bearing the onslaught of lieing chemicals

 

 

>

> For the last few days I have the distinct displeasure of what would be

called

> a "relapse", but which I'd rather refer to as an "unwanted onslaught of

the

> wrong chemicals for some as yet unknown reason".

>

> For the last 3 days, I have experienced sinking down again in mood to lows

> that are very scary. I can barely type this. The shaking is back, the

tight

> stomach, I feel like I'm going to puke. That feeling one would get if one

was

> in a war, and all one's friends were just bombed to pieces, that puking

and

> all is lost feeling, that's what I'm baring right this moment, intensely

so.

>

> Many people have it worse than me in life, so it's not about external

> factors. Mood imbalances like this are purely chemical, or you could call

> them neurological disorders, mood disorders, depression, whatever. They

are

> caused immediately by changes in chemical balances in the brain. They are

> normally reserved for intensely terrible situations, and give one the

> necessary feelings to deal with those intense situations.

>

> One should not wake up in a really nice neighborhood, to the nice sun and

> birds I see and hear outside, to a room full of excellent creative and

> business opportunities, and feel total fear, total pain, total regret,

total

> lonliness, total and absolute traumatic feelings. No, this is not right.

> Something is wrong.

>

> I'm doing all I know how to do to reverse this situation. I can go over

the

> triggers of the last few days. I can try to talk myself out of it. It's

very

> hard. Thinking thoughts causes these chemicals to fire off. You can

> supposedly think yourself out of this, supposedly. I have yet to be able

to

> do that.

>

> I am typing this from a personality I know exists, but which I cannot

> currently feel. I am just forcing myself intellectually to do this typing,

in

> a dry tone of voice, as if I'm separate from this pain, when actually, I'm

> not separate from it at all.

>

> Perhaps today it will break and I can get back to something more livable.

>

> In the last month I've worked hard on probing the depths of my life and

> psyche to try to find out the root of this problem. I've learned alot

about

> my father, my family, my own childhood. All kinds of things came out that

> were blocked. I talked to siblings about it all, and that was revealing.

>

> Basically I've come to realize that I had essentially no father or mother,

> that I was raised by my siblings, mainly my brothers, who were in a row 3

of

> them all older than me, and that I had to work for the family from very

> early, perhaps 12 or so. I got jobs consistantly throughout my teens

working

> all the time, like my siblings, and we supported the family somewhat. My

> escape was drugs, from about 13 onwards.

>

> I had a powerful brain. My intellect has separated me from friends

> consistantly. That on top of growing up in a sort of reject massive family

> poverty situation, I learned I could get attention from pleasing others

with

> intellectual feats or anything "fantastic", which I could often pull off.

>

> Basically, running lifelong on an engine made of feelings of abandonment

and

> neglect, I learned that I could get attention from accomplishments, and

thus

> replace normal familial/parental need holes left from childhood with the

> replacement "gee you're great" type of love that I could get from anywhere

> anytime.

>

> This worked in High School, College, the Hare Krishna movement, and in the

> business world. But the familial then marital situations were never deep

> enough to fill in the real emptiness with the real connection that was

> lacking. Just bad karma in that regard.

>

> What I've grown up with seems like too much "qualifying" for love. I grew

up

> in a rich area actually, the Oakland Hills, as opposed to the flat areas.

In

> the Hills, many wealthy families are there. I grew up amongst kids way

more

> privelaged than we were. We were a "tolerated" family in our neighborhood.

> There was 11 of us kids, all dressed in hand-me-downs. We were like a

country

> poor family in the middle of a big city bedroom community of lawyers and

> doctors. Their children threw us their leftovers- of all types- toys,

tools,

> bikes, clothes, they even took us on vacations to give us charity. The

Church

> chipped in, everybody helped us. We could give nothing except labor. We

were

> a good labor family- 4 strong teenage boys all in age row, just one to two

> years apart each. And 7 girls spanning all ages to pick from for

babysitting

> etc. We needed money. We were ever ready to work, to do anything.

>

> The work ethic was so intense. I was born with Saturn on the Midheaven

> exactly. It's always been there. Before High School, in my early teens, I

was

> working in a Floral warehouse in San Francisco in the wee morning hours to

> make money. Then going to school, then doing another job. This was typical

> for all of us boys. We worked very hard from early teens on, and it never

> stopped. We knew we were workers from early on. The hours we converted to

> pay, and saved, were the only way we could get anywhere in life. Period.

> There was no father, no training, no inheretance, nothing to take over,

just

> "go out, find work, make money, figure out a working mans life for

yourself".

>

> The feeling of being at the bottom of society just starting out was very

> apparent. Tales of my grandfathers large business in Oakland "Motor News",

> were just faded histories. Tales of my g.g.g. grandfather owning Berkeley,

> the whole city, with friend Vince Peralta nearby owning Oakland, all just

> faded histories. I may have come from a family that once was somebody, but

it

> wasn't apparent any longer when I grew up.

>

> It's because of my Dad. My Mom came from this prominent background, all

pure

> Irish, all located in the SF Bay Area since it's settlement centuries

> earlier, and in a grand way the family went on with some achievement and

> status, even she was raised in a family that had a boat, a ranch, and so

> forth. But my Dad, no way. He was a poor nearly illiterate farmboy from

Ohio.

> Why they fell in love is not known to me, but they did.

>

> But after his mental destruction in WWII, and years of having kids, the

real

> relationship where she was simply mentally and culturally superior was

> apparent and the order of the day. She wore the pants. Plain and simple.

That

> was necessary too, not a fault. He was definitely going nowhere

> emotionally/mentally as I remember him. Nobody was home really. I've

> confirmed this with my elder siblings lately. My Mom is more a martyr than

at

> fault in any way. She gave her life to a pretty sad scenario.

>

> I lived in a messed up family life primarily due to three factors:

>

> 1. Pearl Harbor and WWII's effects on my Dads mind and emotions

> 2. The Catholic Church's effect on my parents- no birth control

> 3. My Mom's over-love for my fathers pathetic condition which allowed and

> made the way for 11 kids one after another though he was not mentally

capable

> of really being there for her.

>

> However, if they had not followed this path in life, I would not exist in

> this body, as I was there "first mistake", number 7 when they wanted only

6.

> Of course, I was followed by 4 more girls.

>

> In our family, the first 4 kids are the most stable. Though they too have

> suffered some depression, in general, they have more stable lives overall

> than those of us who follow. In the middle, those of us who experienced

the

> falling apart of our dad at tender youthful aware ages, are the most

messed

> up. The girls following me were more raised without dad at all. I think I

> was the one right in the hotseat of basically having no Mom because when I

> was the baby she was out of action fully due to right then dealing with

> daddys downfall and all that meant, which to her life, meant everything.

>

> What's the chance of a 51 year old woman with 11 kids and no money ever

> getting the attention of a man again? Not good. Putting daddy away meant

> really being alone with alot of work and duties forever. Dig it? Social

death

> sentence. She went ahead anyway, thinking it better for us to not have him

> around acting completely goofy all the time.

>

> The holes, the missing empty parts of me, due to having no physical, or

> emotional, or time to myself at all with either parent ever, on top of the

> intense religious involvements we had as kids with the Church, especially

> myself, the fixes of "achievement recognition" I learned since 3rd grade

with

> mathematics and so on, finding a fix in psychedelic drugs, finding a fix

in

> the arms of girlfriends, all of this, is what's on my mind now. If I could

> fill in the holes somehow, and get back to happiness somehow, that would

be

> good.

>

> I hear my parents telling me now: Go on, be reborn happy, we're happier

now,

> we're at peace more now, forget 6008 (the house where it all went down),

move

> on, be whole, be at peace. I cry. I hear it. I can't do it very well yet.

>

> My dad needed to go home. He had already done his time. He was about to be

> released. 4 years in the military is enough. Then they bombed the harbor,

and

> he was sentenced by the Navy to 4 more years at see with no shore leave

time

> at all, due to being needed in the Pacific. This is like a jail sentence

to

> be served at see and at war. I don't think anybody is ready for that

normally.

>

> If some celebrity was kidnapped and kept at see by terrorists for 4 years,

> then returned, the media would focus on his emotional state. My Mom was

the

> main or only person who focused on my Dads mental state, by marrying him,

and

> making love to him a ton of times, and having all these kids, then raising

> them without him while he had dillusions in a mental hospital for years.

At

> least the military put him up for free. At least they did that.

>

> I am in one sense walking damaged due to sacrifices made by my father and

> mother to deal with the war basically. I am walking world war two

schrapnel

> fodder. My emotions go up and down like the ocean my father tolerated year

> after year at battle. One thought of the man sends me to tears. My sister

> found letters my mother wrote to the wind about her life. So very much

> sacrifice. So trapped in religious duty and martyrdom.

>

> I conferred with my siblings. We are the products of rather devout Irish

> Catholicism mixed with Pearl Harbor. In essence, these two factors shaped

us

> most. Further, for myself, being very desireful of love and recognition by

> nature, the way I found best to get any attention was outside the family

> situation, first at school, by being excellent, then in life, by being

> successful, etc. So for me you add that and you kinda have the package

view.

>

> It's funny to think, but very true, that 60 years after the bombing of

Pearl

> Harbor, there's a guy walking around Eugene, who has emotional problems

due

> to the bombing, and who's achievements and accomplishments are quite a bit

> due to trying to make up for a lack in himself, caused by the lack of

father,

> caused by that bombing essentially. But then, the kid wouldn't be here if

> it's wasn't for the bombing.... In essence, the kid is the ongoing karma

of

> the previous generation...

>

> Notice in my chart the 4th lord goes to the 11th. Remember I said I was

> "raised by" my "older brothers". There's three of them. Three planets

> directly are in or aspect my 11th. My oldest brother was also my father

per

> se. One of those planets is in the 9th. That brother, also took care of my

> father later, after the hospital. The 9th lord is with this 11th lord in

the

> 9th. The only time I had a meaningful discussion with my father (2

sentences

> long), was sitting with him and this older brother in their house which

they

> shared when I was a young Hare Krishna guy. These things are all

> prophetically in my chart.

>

> just sharing. thanks for listening. thanks for being there. i'll handle

this

> myself. sharing for intellectual reasons, and to know that I'm heard by

one

> or two, that's all. nothing further required.

>

> joke: just for fun I was thinking of going down to the corners in town

where

> the homeless folks beg with their cardboard signs at the street corners,

and

> finding my own corner, sit there with my sign which I'll write to say:

>

> "Wealthy, famous, don't need anything, thanks anyway!"

>

> That would probably be cause for lots of smiles, laughs, and some birdies

> from the activists for the homeless. Should be interesting and fun. Should

I

> do that?

>

> raghu

>

>

>

> gjlist-

>

>

>

> Your use of is subject to

>

>