Guest guest Posted April 24, 2002 Report Share Posted April 24, 2002 Hello everyone, I've worked my ass off for years, thinking I was doing the world a favor. Many told me "thanks" through email and over the phone and in person. I've received alot of love for my work. But nobody is present in my life for real, in the flesh. I'm always alone. I've asked over and over for love, real love, present love, and received none actually. I've asked the world, my family, Bernadette, the Hare Krishna devotees, anyone I could, anyone and everyone I know. Nothing has ever come of any of that. I'm still always alone. Recently, I get invited to Scandinavia. I go, but the organizor deals a funny way, and instead of the trip being paid and I make something, I pay for the trip and make nothing. Now more people love me, but I'm still alone, and more broke than before. Now, tonight, both of my kids are moving out, right at this moment, because they can't handle my sadness and anger. So now the last two reasons for which I've been living and staying in this god awful dark town, now they're leaving too. My ex is no help, my girlfriend was a disaster for the last 7 years while I "waited for her" to commit, and all this work I did, it got me alot of love, through email and over the phone, but that's it. I have no posessions of significant value, I rent, bad cars, no savings. So the result of my giving, has been total loss. I really have no reason to go on. Don't call or write, it's never helped. I need somebody who is real, who cares like I do about the mission, to LIVE with me. Short of that, forget it. I am lousy at only one thing, that is, being alone. I was not made to be alone, and alone I've been for years. All my reaching out has been ineffectual. Please do not write to me "hang in there". Please. I just wanted you to know, that I'm still in the deepest pain, and I've been tolerating it for years. It's very bad. It's getting hard to see reasons to continue. If email and hand shakes is all I get in this life, no thanks. I know I'm not the only one suffering. Believe me, I help suffering people constantly. I know I'm not the only one alone, just one of the millions in america. I know this. It doesn't help. I have tried to serve and do what is right fanatically with a lot of energy, but it gets me nothing at all personally. After so many years, I hardly want to stay. Why. I am not going to become a meat eater to fit in. I'm not going to swerve to get a second class woman. I'm good the way I am. Excellent in fact. Why should I change for that? Isn't there one who I could like who is available and who wants me? My advice to young people, is think twice about being smart and devoted. Realize it will make you lonely. Teach this. Where is my mentor. Where are my guardians. Where is the friends that life should have. Dont pep talk me please. If I must live, I'd rather live with zero bullshit, so don't send me any. -- Das Goravani , President 2852 Willamette St, #353 Eugene, Oregon, 97405 USA Voice: or <> Home of "Goravani Jyotish" Vedic Astrology Software , and more... ps, dear AJ, if you think it unjust what I said, consider, when did I say all those softwares were free, that was your act alone, and I was simply informed after everyone else, and the trip, yes, i'm living on credit, i just have a big heart i think youre innocent, i do, but it happened this way anyway, it's true, it's true, but your innocent, both are true, you just have strange ways of dealing, but i didn't send you this, so if someone else did, it wasn't me, and it's there fault, i had no intention of rousting your anger at all, honest, because I appreciate the trip for non financial reasons, and you made it happen, so i strongly appreciate that, but it doesn't change I'm $2000 out, not $2000 plus, as I thought I would be, that's a $4K difference, and i'll be paying interest, so it gets worse Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 26, 2002 Report Share Posted April 26, 2002 The result of giving is a rebound which is receiving. I need the latest GJ3 but I am waiting, waiting, waiting, asking, asking, hoping, not receiving it, have the means to afford a new version in my life, want only the best, but like a lover who has no woman to love, I am not able to have the latest version which I KNOW is out there somewhere, as if its creator thinks we do not need it, nor want it, as if the creator of this vastly improved version which we have been so tempted about, does not need the money he'd gain if he'd only please let us have what we are asking for! With love, Carol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 27, 2002 Report Share Posted April 27, 2002 Thursday, April 25, 2002 6:04 AM [GJ] The Result of Giving <<Recently, I get invited to Scandinavia. I go, but the organizor deals a funny way, and instead of the trip being paid and I make something, I pay for the trip and make nothing. Now more people love me, but I'm still alone, and more broke than before. >> me You are kidding yourself, your intention was selflesh, you did go there expecting nothing in return, and you know well that rewards will come later. You did inspire many while in there, and later on many will buy your GJ. you << Now, tonight, both of my kids are moving out, right at this moment, because they can't handle my sadness and anger. >> me It may be difficult to control sadness and anger, but we should not expect others to carry the burden of our own folish. I do not blame those kids, those poor souls had enough. With your tantrums, you are screaming out "Let me alone, i want to swim alone in my own bitterness". Your kids are too young to handle that. They both love their father and mother but they cannot be nurses to a mad man. Change your ways and the environment will change automatically. Otherwise you will be left alone. you <<So now the last two reasons for which I've been living and staying in this god awful dark town, now they're leaving too.>> me Perhaps it is a benediction in disguise, an opportunity to move forwards. Long ago in 1985 when my wife and family left, my spiritual master send me a nice letter which said: "Take advatage of the present situation, to further advance in the service of the Lord". It was very revealing, and although i had to pay for some due karmas, i did have the opportunities to serve the Lord. you << My ex is no help, my girlfriend was a disaster for the last 7 years>> me When we expect something from others, we are likely to suffer from some frustratrion. Remember that everyone has an individual karma and destiny. They all have to walk towards their own destination. We are not the controllers, everyone has to follow their prescribed path. Good or bad to our eyes, nevertheless it is their path, and we do not own anybody. Everybody is free to live in the best way that they think. you << while I "waited for her" to commit, and all this work I did, it got me alot of love, through email and over the phone, but that's it.>> me Perhaps you should think that she came to you as a friend, she helped you in many ways but she had to commit herself to her own destiny. It is likely that her destiny was not with you. You may think that, but remember, you are not the controller. you << I have no posessions of significant value, I rent, bad cars, no savings.>> me According to our merits done in a previous life (purva punya, as seen from the 5th house), we are able to adquire a Rolo Royce, or a humble Volkswagen, and still there are others like me that do not even have a bike to travel around, and relly in public transport. Do you think that you are more lucky in that regard? Still, i think that i am more lucky than those that rely on a wheel chair. you << So the result of my giving, has been total loss. I really have no reason to go on.>> me Do you want music from a violin, to make a nice musical background to that lamentation? you <<Don't call or write, it's never helped. I need somebody who is real, who cares like I do about the mission>> me Who is real according to your standards? Are you sure that you know what is the mission or you are just guessing? you << to LIVE with me. Short of that, forget it.>> me In other words, you are saying "There are 2 paths, either to work with us or to work against us." I was watching the news with my friend Peter (not his real name), when Mr president said that not long ago. And Peter said "That it is, he is making things easy for us...........and i am not going to tell him what i chose" you << I am lousy at only one thing, that is, being alone. I was not made to be alone, and alone I've been for years. All my reaching out has been ineffectual.>> me Very few people can live alone, but you have to changes your ways if you really want someone to live with you. you << I am not going to become a meat eater to fit in. I'm not going to swerve to get a second class woman. >> me You do not have to eat meat to fit in society, but perhaps that is what you deserve, a second class woman. You may be surprised, that a second class woman is in reality a first class woman. With your present eyes, you cannot see things very clear. Just surrender, higher authorities know better than you do. you <<I'm good the way I am. Excellent in fact. Why should I change for that? Isn't there one who I could like who is available and who wants me?>> me Even the devil says that. Bob Marley sings "Think that you are in heaven but you are in Hell". you << My advice to young people, is think twice about being smart and devoted. Realize it will make you lonely.>> me Cat Stevens sings "Find the girl,....... i am old but i am happy" you <<Teach this. Where is my mentor. Where are my guardians. Where is the friends that life should have.>> me You have said already "Leave me alone". Is that what you want? you << Dont pep talk me please.> me Even if Krishna tryies to talk to you, probably you would take it as pep talk. Best wishes Natabara Das Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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