Guest guest Posted August 3, 2003 Report Share Posted August 3, 2003 I am oh so sad. I do not know what to do. I am losing all slowly, very slowly. Now my daughter and her new husband want their space. So it's either move back into Bernadettes and her husbands house or be alone. I feel these are my only choices. Humiliation or lonliness. I think of death, making it happen- Asking permission from the kids to do it finally. I don't know how adults live alone. I am in Piedmont, near Oakland. I grew up here. I went to my old school, it's still the same, where I was, when I was 5. Where is some woman my age to hold me. What's wrong with me. Can't she come and get me now, and hold me, so I don't have a heart attack in sadness. How do others do this. What do they do in all the quiet evening hours. I am with Gujaratis right now. Ver nice family. But I am not Indian, and there is nobody for me to hold. Everything in life is now very very quiet. Nothing interests. I only see people I want to hug, and cannot, due to "social etiquette". I am doomed, very sad, very crying, very alone, and I know, it's not right. I know I should be strong. I know others have it worse. I am just way too sensitive. Why, in the city in which I grew, is there no woman who wants me. Not here, not anywhere close, I know of none, unless I go for older. Where is my age. Where is someone. Why must I suffer. What did I do. Why does it continue forever, leaving me lifeless. I do not know what I'm going to do. Now there is no kids to live with, for they have moved on, into their own apartment, I will go home to lonliness again, for the first time in many months. How do others do it. I don't know. I must be especially sensitive and needy. Thank you for being there. Without this list, I would have to cry to the few I've already worn out, the kids, and a few friends. I looked at Lord Byron's chart...how he suffered was similar and tremendous. I saw the Mars and Node in Gemini rising...probably schizophrenia, which is like bi polar in a way, whatever, he cried and cried in pain. I understand. How long will I have to suffer like this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 4, 2003 Report Share Posted August 4, 2003 Dearest Das, I know you are sad. I know you are lonely. I know you hurt and I know you deserve better. Know that I care about you. Know that everyone on this list cares about you. But know that YOU must care about you. No one can give you the help you need. IT MUST BE YOU. We will help you. We will be there, too. But listen carefully: YOU MUST SNAP OUT OF IT. Period. You are strong enough. You can do it. You must focus! Yes. It is easy to say. Yes. It is harder to do. But not impossible. You must snap out of it. It is a matter of focus. Mantra your way out of this, Das. We see what we focus on. We shut out everything other than what we focus on. If you focus on loneliness and pain and the lack of human touch - it is all that you will be able to experience. Stop it. Go take a shower. Change your clothes. Sit down with a piece of paper and make a very short list of what you plan to accomplish tomorrow. FOCUS. Give a prayer of thanks for what you have. Give a prayer of thanks for tomorrow being a new day. Tell yourself you will get up tomorrow refreshed and go out into the world to accomplish your short list. You will give to anyone who needs giving and tomorrow is a new day. Then go to bed. Do not dwell on what you don't have. Create the strength through sleep and good thoughts, that you need to make tomorrow successful and a very small step forward. You can change your life. I believe in you. I know you can. Just stop stoping yourself. Focus. Believe. It WILL come to you. -Mary Das Goravani <> wrote: I am oh so sad. I do not know what to do. I am losing all slowly, very slowly. Now my daughter and her new husband want their space. So it's either move back into Bernadettes and her husbands house or be alone. I feel these are my only choices. Humiliation or lonliness. I think of death, making it happen- Asking permission from the kids to do it finally. I don't know how adults live alone. I am in Piedmont, near Oakland. I grew up here. I went to my old school, it's still the same, where I was, when I was 5. Where is some woman my age to hold me. What's wrong with me. Can't she come and get me now, and hold me, so I don't have a heart attack in sadness. How do others do this. What do they do in all the quiet evening hours. I am with Gujaratis right now. Ver nice family. But I am not Indian, and there is nobody for me to hold. Everything in life is now very very quiet. Nothing interests. I only see people I want to hug, and cannot, due to "social etiquette". I am doomed, very sad, very crying, very alone, and I know, it's not right. I know I should be strong. I know others have it worse. I am just way too sensitive. Why, in the city in which I grew, is there no woman who wants me. Not here, not anywhere close, I know of none, unless I go for older. Where is my age. Where is someone. Why must I suffer. What did I do. Why does it continue forever, leaving me lifeless. I do not know what I'm going to do. Now there is no kids to live with, for they have moved on, into their own apartment, I will go home to lonliness again, for the first time in many months. How do others do it. I don't know. I must be especially sensitive and needy. Thank you for being there. Without this list, I would have to cry to the few I've already worn out, the kids, and a few friends. I looked at Lord Byron's chart...how he suffered was similar and tremendous. I saw the Mars and Node in Gemini rising...probably schizophrenia, which is like bi polar in a way, whatever, he cried and cried in pain. I understand. How long will I have to suffer like this. Om Namo Bhagavate Vasudevaya; Hare Krishna; Om Tat Sat : gjlist- Your use of is subject to Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 4, 2003 Report Share Posted August 4, 2003 Dear Das Goravai: I was just told of your group by a friend Chandra. I was drawn to your email and some of the responses to it. I was very moved, truely with your thoughts. To me this is the real essence of Jyotish, to teach us how to grow. It's one thing to find the reasons for our sufferings... in our charts but it's quite a different matter to find the resolutions .... to those challenges. I remember when I went into my Saturn Mahadasa period in April of 1991. I had saved up 6,500$ and remember telling myself I'd never get married again until I had 6 grand saved! And so, I got married again... actually during the tail end of my wonderful Jupter period! But, then things changed... Saturn started dominating and everything started to slip away. In the next few years, my wife got very sick, we got pregnant but then lost a 4 month old (baby in the womb). We separated, went bankrupt and finally divorced... and then my dad died.... I thought I was going to die... Saturn in the 12th.... can be the pits! but, I knew enough jyotish by that time .... that I knew where the suffering was coming from... So, I spoke to Saturn? What is going on? I thought I understood you? I thought I was in-tune with your? I'll never forget what happened next.... I heard this unbelievable, hearty, cosmic, heavenly, laughter... that seemed to go on for mins and mins. When it started to subside... I said...'well, I thought I was in-tune, so what do I do, now..? "And I heard the most wonderful voice, most loving, sweet careing sound... "more silence....more and more.....silence" And that, my friend was the beginning of my real education with Saturn.... Saturn teaches us many things... but the most important one is....rest... to learn to act, to live life...with more and more inner-Silence... this is Saturn's goal for us! And when we do this.... all manners of Saturn...grief go away.... When you find the deep, pool of cosmic,...silence deep within, where all answers are found... and true bliss resides... than nothing in the world... grabs us so much.... I think of Christ, sometimes as the ultimate, Saturn, lesson... he was humiliated, persecuted, dragged through the streets, his friends abandoned him... and they drew him up on the cross...and killed him! even then,....he said...'father, they don't know what they do!'... and that amazing...Saturn lesson... has been stirring hearts for thousands of years... Eastern Philosophy, too has countless examples of many saints, and seers...who has 'arisen' beyond death... and escaped the negative clutches of Saturn... One great Indian Yogi...said recently... "We should stop calling Saturn the planet of grief but rather, one of rest".... I've thought a lot about that over the years... and as I've surrendered...more and more... meditated... and fathomed...deeper and deeper levels of being... then....Saturn ceases to be ...negative... and leads us... directly....to Life... to rest...joy and immortality! So.... I wish for you a complete letting go...and an understanding and embrace as to what Saturn is trying to tell you... It's not about suffering or punishment.... it's about the need to be inner awakened! and find... the Silence...of eternal Being....within! Jai Saturn! Sincerely, Mark Kincaid I've been meditating for over 30 years and studying Jyotish for over 16. I have a daily Transits newsletter that I'd love to share with you, and you can reach me at m.kincaid. to . It's free.... Remember..... Jyotish... is not the end.... by just predicting ...our sufferings... It's truely, mostly, about how to change ourSelves... and our stars... to grow....! and find fulfillment! Mark In gjlist, Das Goravani <das@g...> wrote: > > > I am oh so sad. I do not know what to do. I am losing all slowly, very > slowly. Now my daughter and her new husband want their space. So it's either > move back into Bernadettes and her husbands house or be alone. I feel these > are my only choices. Humiliation or lonliness. I think of death, making it > happen- Asking permission from the kids to do it finally. > > I don't know how adults live alone. > > I am in Piedmont, near Oakland. I grew up here. I went to my old school, > it's still the same, where I was, when I was 5. > > Where is some woman my age to hold me. What's wrong with me. Can't she come > and get me now, and hold me, so I don't have a heart attack in sadness. > > How do others do this. What do they do in all the quiet evening hours. > > I am with Gujaratis right now. Ver nice family. But I am not Indian, and > there is nobody for me to hold. > > Everything in life is now very very quiet. Nothing interests. I only see > people I want to hug, and cannot, due to "social etiquette". > > I am doomed, very sad, very crying, very alone, and I know, it's not right. > I know I should be strong. I know others have it worse. > > I am just way too sensitive. Why, in the city in which I grew, is there no > woman who wants me. Not here, not anywhere close, I know of none, unless I > go for older. Where is my age. Where is someone. Why must I suffer. What did > I do. Why does it continue forever, leaving me lifeless. > > I do not know what I'm going to do. Now there is no kids to live with, for > they have moved on, into their own apartment, I will go home to lonliness > again, for the first time in many months. > > How do others do it. I don't know. I must be especially sensitive and needy. > > Thank you for being there. Without this list, I would have to cry to the few > I've already worn out, the kids, and a few friends. > > I looked at Lord Byron's chart...how he suffered was similar and tremendous. > I saw the Mars and Node in Gemini rising...probably schizophrenia, which is > like bi polar in a way, whatever, he cried and cried in pain. I understand. > > How long will I have to suffer like this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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