To Das the Celt from Mary the Roman

[Guest guest]

Dearest Das,

 

For once in what feels like forever, I have the time to write in response to

your letters. As one of "the mice (who) will play", I'm endulging in a good

scratch - to mix my metaphors.

 

First, a warning label:

 

Know to whom you are speaking. I understand from the few left in my life that I

aught to come with a warning label. I am one of those quintessential Romans

(lusty, greedy, lazy) of whom you speak. I am the embodiment of probably all the

seven deadly sins and worst of all, I usually don't see what's wrong with that.

I am in no way spiritual, and although I admire and respect spirituality in

others, I find no answering desire to be so in me. You identify yourself as the

painted warrior on the hill who fights TV and the straight paved road. I fight

for nothing. I don't say so proudly, I just state the fact. Apparently I harm

all I touch, am cold and uncaring, do not know the meaning of love, am incapable

of love, and am unable to see my own true nature (this last I know to be true).

Know this and beware. I am not shirking my own responsibility for harming you

(presuming that this or future contact with you harms you), but to continue my

mouthful of cliches, forwarned is forearmed and I

love good forearms in a man so (lol) I want you to be forearmed!

 

First, I'd like to address the issue of sex. [First because you bring it up

first, second because it is always first in my mind (literally always) and last

because no one else seems to have addressed it and I find it oddly satisfying to

be the voice speaking into an embarassed silence.]

 

 

In a word: Your demands are too high, you are asking in the wrong place, you are

considering changing the things you shouldn't change about yourself, and you are

offering nothing.

 

You say you are seeking sex but you imply from your messages that you seek sex

that will solve your problems, stop your intense desire to cry, meet your widely

varied intellectual needs and be with a partner who falls within your criteria

for age and weight. Yes, yes, I know you REALLY aren't asking for all that - but

it is the implication that a woman (this one anyway) gets in reading your

messages. That's a tall order to fill and is very frightening. Sex alone, in and

of itself, can be frightening as it is the offering of self, and acceptance of

another, in a realm where our society is constantly indoctrinating us into

thinking we are somehow inately deficient (too fat, too old, too ugly, or

conversely, not thin enough, not young enough, not pretty enough).

 

Make your list of what you are really looking for. Are you just looking for sex?

I don't mean "just" as a put-down, I mean it as an accurate description. You

have to know what you are looking for in order to find it and be happy with it.

If you are just looking for sex it should be easy to find. Add other things onto

your list later. Or, add everything onto your list of desires all at once and

know why it is you cannot find it all in one person. So what do you really want?

Here's a frightening thought: Are you looking to enjoy a good cry from not

having? No, I doubt it. But misery has an insidious appeal and is oddly

addicting. I've seen very intelligent, creative people sucked into it's clutches

so that they don't know that they are deliberately cutting themselves off from

what they most seek and drinking in the misery it gives them. None would believe

they are in misery's clutches. So I don't see why you should - and maybe you

aren't. But the only why out that I know, is to be

simple and basic in your desires and only add to them when you've achieved each

small step. Sooner or later you are out of the darkness. So, looking for "just

sex" may be the first step.

 

So where are you looking?

 

If you are thinking to find it on this list, you take optimism to new levels.

Not that there aren't plenty of people who would have sex with you (I would be

one, if my life were literally my own - I'm also ruled out if 38 is "way older"

and you weight 75 pounds or less - lol). But this list seems to comprise of

people who are literally all over the world and that can get in the way of a few

practical considerations such as being a far more satisfying activity if both

participants are in the same room. If you are unable to look about you in

person, and insist on finding a partner (or partners) online, then you must look

in a local venue and preferably on a list where the participants are primarily

looking for sex. Ups your chances you know. I shudder to actually hawk the

matchmaking sites, but I know plenty of females who seek sex online here in

Southern California and (according to them) get it regularly. So, if that's what

you really seek, Das, go out and seek it where you are

likely to get it fast. Add to your list later.

 

Regarding your belief that you must change your choice of clothes and your

choice of hairstyle - that's crap. In every sense. You are who you are. Your

clothes and hair are an outward manifestation of it. If you temporarily change

them, you are just lying about who you are and it will just surface later. Be

who you are with no apologies (which you already are). There are plenty of women

who find your style (whatever it is - I haven't seen your picture) appealing.

You'll be plenty busy if you just look in the right places. The only thing I

would recommend you consider changing is your attitude. Words like "stupid

planet" and "stupid white people", although momentarily satisfying, can only

hurt you. Let them go. Also (note how the words "the only thing" are always

followed by more than one thing?), consider changing your prayers. This leads

into my thoughts that you are offering nothing:

 

"Rosemerta or Durga, pray and get wife". My belief is that prayer (well,

effective prayer) is not asking for something, but offering something. Prayer is

giving everything you have, including giving thanks, and accepting back whatever

the universe is willing to give. If you want wife, give husband. What are you

offering? Sure, you can make a list of what you want - but try and also make of

list of what you can give. And by this I mean on a personal level. Plenty of

people on this list correctly point out all you have to offer on a humanity

level, and you talk about wanting to give on a humanity level. But sex and

wife/husband is on a personal level. One on one compassion, understanding,

acceptance, a shoulder, an ear, an unjudgmental heart, kindness, holding without

demands and to give comfort, a touch when needed, space when needed, laughter.

Tell the universe, in your prayers, that you have these things to offer. That

you want to give this away to woman who appreciates it and

thank you for whatever you send my way. Be joyful and look forward. Ask only to

give and you will be surprised.

 

You may think that you are already doing this, but I don't hear it in your

writing. You say you "move on to new friends for fresh crying fields." That

isn't giving - it's seeking. You say you have a friend who drove you past a good

whorehouse. Why don't they introduce you to their female friends? It sounds to

me like this friend (and I could be horribly wrong) doesn't feel you have

anything to offer a woman but a fee. Are you giving your friends the wrong

signals?

 

 

 

 

Second topic: "No one else called me.You know my various requests to this

list, they never do a THING."

 

In a word: Lack of time and the evils of specialization.

 

First. Lack of time. You write very long e-mails (YES! LOOK WHO'S TALKING!!). I

know that I frequently save your messages to read later and never have the time

to go back. As I mentioned earlier, my life right now is not my own. I have

about 10 minutes every morning (normally - right now I have a 2 week vacation)

to check 5 e-mails. I just don't have the time to read long e-mails. I'm willing

to bet most people don't. Second, I don't understand half of what you say. I'm

just too linear in my thinking. Everything has to be spelled out to me plainly.

If it is spiritual or esoteric, it goes miles over my head. Sad, but true.

Regarding the Celts and the Druids. I know nothing about them. The closest I've

ever gotten to reading about them is in the Spanish language version of the

french comic book "Asterix". I can't even remember now the name of the white

haired and white robed druid who provided Asterix with the superhuman-strength

giving potion. See. I'm a cultural dolt. I'm likely not

to be the only one on this list. Some, like John (the rest of his name escapes

me) or Lydia Boone (I hope I remember that one correctly) know what they are

talking about, so they answer you. But I have several times noted that the

members on this list are very selective on what they respond to. I even remember

one gentleman who recommended that another member leave the list because "the

members on this list are not interesting in any subject other than jyotish".

Naturally, they won't tell YOU that, so you are met with a deafening silence.

Know that you are cared for on this list. Know that your e-mails are enjoyed by

the silent majority. But know also that this weird specialization we live in

today makes many people incapable of responding to anything other than their

area of expertise.

 

I remember many years ago when I was in law school, I went to a social function

with my boyfriend of that moment. I met a woman who was told that I was

attending law school. She tried to look interested and asked me whether I was

enjoying the experience. She appeared to feel that I should complain loudly

about how difficult it was. She was very disappointed when I said I was enjoying

it immensely. She then looked at me blankly as if to wonder what else she could

possibly converse with me about and abruptly left. Apparently law students have

no opinions about movies, life or world affairs. Law students are to be spoke to

about law school. Period, now go away.

 

That seems to be the case here on the internet. Look at me. I recommend you go

to matchmaking sites if you are looking for sex. I'm now recommending you go to

Celtic sites if you are interested in Celtic conversations. I'm propagating the

same specialization I abhor. I don't know what site to recommend if you are

looking for friendship with people who are interested in multiple and varied

subjects. Or if you are looking for people like yourself. I'm telling you you

are appreciated but apparently not enough. Perhaps not enough for the list to

rise above themselves. [And I apologize to anyone who takes this as a personal

and inaccurate criticism. I don't mean it as such. I mean what I say, but

perhaps not as it sounds.] I too, have previously never responded to you.

Sometimes because I don't know what to say. Mostly, because I'm a kept woman (in

a way) and I don't have the luxury of spending the time.

 

Well, I should call it a night. I hope you take this in the best spirit it was

offered in. And remember my warning label.

 

And if it's any consolation (which I know it's not) I'll have sex with you in my

dreams - those are still mine.

 

-Mary