Guest guest Posted April 19, 2005 Report Share Posted April 19, 2005 My dear cyber family, Feeling compelled to speak with you again this morning. As usual, my head is bursting with thoughts. I so appreciate how you have spent time on an issue that is close to me, but not belovedly. One of my Mercury readings, right in the program, says that my Mercury causes me to be ³with the young ones². Suddenly lately, I¹ve made a bunch a few new friends, but they all have one thing in common, they are the ages of my kids. An 18 year old ³rapper² from next door comes over so that I can play music to back up his ³rapping². It¹s so not me, but he is very fun. I paint at a juice bar hangout, and meet them. They like my knowledge, I like their yourthful energy. I guess my Mercury dasha has begun. I shaved off all my facial hair recently too. And speaking of phlegm that clouds the mind...I realized that my 30 pounds too much that I was carrying around (weigh 230 now) is just that extra amount that prevents exercise, which is vitally needed. AND, I realized, that eating sugars which create yeast in the body, and too many stuffy meals full of carbs and sugars etc., were all too fattening and clogging. Soooo... In my recent attempts at ³waking up² I¹ve switched to more raw fruits and veges, and less milk products by about 1/5 of what I was... And no unnecessary non-food foods like ice cream, candy, etc. Forget those. Soooo... I¹m suddenly dropping in weight, color returns, vitality is returning. When you get trapped in depression, it¹s like a cloud of fear, loathing, pain, sorrow, what Ekhart Tolly calls the ³pain body² overtakes you, permanently. You ³live in² the pain body consciousness continually. Factually, you do need to shake it. Once my brother, who is quite a Lakota Shaman who lives it in the land of the Dakotas with the Sioux, told me, in his very very rough way, ³Just go out in the field and go crazy yer yer whoa ha hey oha yeeiii ooooooouououou and then shake and shake and shake and throw it off and tell it to go into some rock out there and leave it there goddammit you shit head² I find when I shake and shake or swing my swords a new energy comes into the head. It¹s like, you have to shake off the myst. Then there¹s the deeper mental fears. The above applies because I am opening and ready after years of contemplation. The deeper stuff comes first. The confusion. Who am I, what the hell am I doing here right now in my life, what¹s going on, why is everyone treating me the way they do...² To find my way, which I still am, has taken strange things like becoming an ancient Celt for awhile (something I still revel in quite a bit). By studying Irish history completely, I could REALLY understand the tide of genes, of DNA, that washed me up onto this shore. I could really understand my mother, my troubled Moon in my chart, and why she was the way she was. She was, the perfect Irish Catholic Black Haired pale skin nun in a mothers body, raising 11 kids alone for Jesus. Although you could find her crying at night alone, never hardly ever in front of us. Staunch, strict, forboding, protective, but only enough, not protecting us from ourselves, nor from the everyday. Only the bare essentials. We were raised tough, to be tough, to be strong, and to be Catholic. This was an unwavering requirement to get her love. So I left her. I became what she hated, a ³Hare Krishna² of all things. Gosh, in her mind it was probably DEVASTATING. Her idealic little boy, totally Irish looking little lad who wanted to be a priest ... HOW WONDERFUL those early times were for her in loving me. Then at 19... LSD, Rock and Roll, Hare Krishna... Oh my God, the priest thing fell to pieces and Krishna took over my life, and some Guru in his late 30¹s who she probably hated with vengeance. So.... Later in life, when you start to realize you are your parents, you are just like them, when your kids grow up, you feel more for them, and then the problems come. You pushed them to shadow, you pushed them out of your mind, and now the shadows are haunting you, speaking to you from the shadows- ³What have you abandoned us². ³What did we do wrong². Richard...ard...ard...ard... Like an echo from the past, your own genes, DNA, ancestry, calling you. What about the white way, the white past? Is the East the ONLY thing that is good? In my mind, India and Hinduism were ALL that mattered. I thought it, wrote it, lived it, loved it, taught it, ate it, etc. I was essentially a Hindu in a white body. I was as out of place in America as any Hindu newly arrived. Nowadays I am becoming familiar with America and it¹s people again, as I venture out more, and discover who is waiting but these kids, who like talking to me. Anyway... I have to be more in touch with myself. Like, that food thing... Why didn¹t I pay attention before? I was packing myself with crap foods and overstuffing, and getting fatter... And Lithium and the lazing around in the mood of ³whoa is me² just supported the worsening of those problems. Getting out and excercising, eating leaner, thinner, lighter and less food, being a little hungry, keeping the fire of digestion going, clears up that phlegm, or amma, the myst, the choking gunk, and frees you to a higher octave of energy and movement in your body. You also have to become righted with your ancestry if possible. At least, for me, that was necessary. I have realized that I have to carry the Irish burden somewhat. I cannot throw this off completely. Some tell me not to listen to the sad songs, of which there are many in our music. But I say, and mean, and realize, that actually they don¹t make me a ³bad kind of sad². They help me remember why I am here, who I am, and what happened, for real, in the history of my very own ancestors, the one¹s who genes make me. I get something out of saying ³I will not forget you². There is a song, where a young Irish girl says that She was once beautiful and young But the boat headed for america sank And now the waves are her home She never saw Ireland again And she never saw her new home So please don¹t forget me, please ne¹er forget me It¹s touching, to be sure, and very true. That¹s only one thing. There are so many pages of Irish history which are pure pain and suffering, oppression, right up there with Rwanda and Slavery, famine, and all in rather modern times. I¹m part Irish, part Hindu, part man, part spirit. I have to honor them all, and then I¹m more balanced. And the body in which they all live, I have to not clog it with fatty gooy foods, most of which live in the land of fats, milk products, butters, oils, and other things. Must stay lean and light, then the Aries rising part of me, the ³body self², is much happier. My last main food is fresh greens wrapped up in a piece of fake turkey, ³Tofurkey² they call it here. It¹s vegetarian but looks and tastes like turkey. So you wrap spinach or such in that, and pop it down like Sushi. It¹s tasty and hella easy to make, I mean, it¹s instant. Yet, not fattening, filling, good for you, live mostly, great! The myst is experienced first as doubting thought. You are moving through a fine day, moving your body, working, things are moving, then you stop and think.... A doubt. A thought of doubt. You stop. You ponder. It worsens. You start to increase the doubt, and see all sides of it¹s reasoning. Eventually, it takes you over. And what is that? You are filled with doubt. Everything is wrong and useless, broken, or unwanted, uninteresting, something is wrong with everything. You are then paralyzed, cannot commit to any action, because both work and pleasure are meaningless and useless. There is no real directed fire left in you, no ³zap² that is focused to take a decisive action, so you sit, or sleep, or drup yourself then sit and sleep, or you eat, and eat, especially foods which are ³comforting², which means, full of fat... Related to Moon, that amma, Momma, that soft cushy wet and wonderful white stuff called fat, cream, ice cream, cheese, puffy, yummy breast of momma-amma. Amma means ³phlegm² is ayurvedic medicine. It¹s the white crap on the back of your tounge, and has it¹s origins in bile, mucous, etc. Fat people are full of it, while lean people are not so much obviously. It is the final thing that kills many older people. They choke ultimately on their own phlegm. In the state of depression, you only wish to stop the pain. So you take more pills, eat more, sleep more, avoid more, and what happens? Your life gets worse, and worse, and so your real problems start to increase. Like, you become homeless, or dependent on others, or drugs. So, we can see that some myst, phlegm, depression, creates MORE. And, some light, freedom, clarity, creates MORE. So it¹s a constant choice. If you stay with one, it will get easier to do that one. Either more darkness, or more light. One realization after all this: In the Hare Krishna movement we were ALL made to be ³monks². We all acted like ³monks². And monks don¹t exercise, or do a lot of things that other people do. We didn¹t in the 80¹s anyway. But perhaps I need those things. Perhaps knowing astrology more then would have helped. Aries rising is an active sign. I wasn¹t trained to care about that. I was taught to care only for the mission. Ultimately I ended up nearly crashed like a hard drive. The inspiration has subsided. I shall go. I am happy to have this cyber family. Ree MacQuoid Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 19, 2005 Report Share Posted April 19, 2005 Dear Ree, Thank you for sharing your thoughts, It was kinda of enlightening and interesting and kinda of thought inducing. Take Care Warm Regards Sanjay P valist, Das Goravani <das@g...> wrote: > > > My dear cyber family, > > Feeling compelled to speak with you again this morning. > > As usual, my head is bursting with thoughts. > > I so appreciate how you have spent time on an issue that is close to me, but > not belovedly. > > One of my Mercury readings, right in the program, says that my Mercury > causes me to be �with the young ones�. Suddenly lately, I�ve made a bunch a > few new friends, but they all have one thing in common, they are the ages of > my kids. An 18 year old �rapper� from next door comes over so that I can > play music to back up his �rapping�. It�s so not me, but he is very fun. > > I paint at a juice bar hangout, and meet them. They like my knowledge, I > like their yourthful energy. I guess my Mercury dasha has begun. I shaved > off all my facial hair recently too. > > And speaking of phlegm that clouds the mind...I realized that my 30 pounds > too much that I was carrying around (weigh 230 now) is just that extra > amount that prevents exercise, which is vitally needed. AND, I realized, > that eating sugars which create yeast in the body, and too many stuffy meals > full of carbs and sugars etc., were all too fattening and clogging. > > Soooo... In my recent attempts at �waking up� I�ve switched to more raw > fruits and veges, and less milk products by about 1/5 of what I was... And > no unnecessary non-food foods like ice cream, candy, etc. Forget those. > > Soooo... I�m suddenly dropping in weight, color returns, vitality is > returning. > > When you get trapped in depression, it�s like a cloud of fear, loathing, > pain, sorrow, what Ekhart Tolly calls the �pain body� overtakes you, > permanently. > > You �live in� the pain body consciousness continually. > > Factually, you do need to shake it. > > Once my brother, who is quite a Lakota Shaman who lives it in the land of > the Dakotas with the Sioux, told me, in his very very rough way, �Just go > out in the field and go crazy yer yer whoa ha hey oha yeeiii ooooooouououou > and then shake and shake and shake and throw it off and tell it to go into > some rock out there and leave it there goddammit you shit head� > > I find when I shake and shake or swing my swords a new energy comes into the > head. It�s like, you have to shake off the myst. > > Then there�s the deeper mental fears. The above applies because I am > opening and ready after years of contemplation. > > The deeper stuff comes first. The confusion. Who am I, what the hell am I > doing here right now in my life, what�s going on, why is everyone treating > me the way they do...� > > To find my way, which I still am, has taken strange things like becoming an > ancient Celt for awhile (something I still revel in quite a bit). By > studying Irish history completely, I could REALLY understand the tide of > genes, of DNA, that washed me up onto this shore. I could really understand > my mother, my troubled Moon in my chart, and why she was the way she was. > She was, the perfect Irish Catholic Black Haired pale skin nun in a mothers > body, raising 11 kids alone for Jesus. Although you could find her crying at > night alone, never hardly ever in front of us. Staunch, strict, forboding, > protective, but only enough, not protecting us from ourselves, nor from the > everyday. Only the bare essentials. We were raised tough, to be tough, to > be strong, and to be Catholic. This was an unwavering requirement to get > her love. > > So I left her. > > I became what she hated, a �Hare Krishna� of all things. Gosh, in her mind > it was probably DEVASTATING. Her idealic little boy, totally Irish looking > little lad who wanted to be a priest ... HOW WONDERFUL those early times > were for her in loving me. Then at 19... LSD, Rock and Roll, Hare > Krishna... Oh my God, the priest thing fell to pieces and Krishna took over > my life, and some Guru in his late 30�s who she probably hated with > vengeance. > > So.... > > Later in life, when you start to realize you are your parents, you are just > like them, when your kids grow up, you feel more for them, and then the > problems come. You pushed them to shadow, you pushed them out of your mind, > and now the shadows are haunting you, speaking to you from the shadows- > �What have you abandoned us�. �What did we do wrong�. > > Richard...ard...ard...ard... > > Like an echo from the past, your own genes, DNA, ancestry, calling you. > > What about the white way, the white past? Is the East the ONLY thing that > is good? > > In my mind, India and Hinduism were ALL that mattered. I thought it, wrote > it, lived it, loved it, taught it, ate it, etc. I was essentially a Hindu > in a white body. I was as out of place in America as any Hindu newly > arrived. Nowadays I am becoming familiar with America and it�s people > again, as I venture out more, and discover who is waiting but these kids, > who like talking to me. > > Anyway... I have to be more in touch with myself. Like, that food thing... > Why didn�t I pay attention before? I was packing myself with crap foods and > overstuffing, and getting fatter... And Lithium and the lazing around in the > mood of �whoa is me� just supported the worsening of those problems. > > Getting out and excercising, eating leaner, thinner, lighter and less food, > being a little hungry, keeping the fire of digestion going, clears up that > phlegm, or amma, the myst, the choking gunk, and frees you to a higher > octave of energy and movement in your body. > > You also have to become righted with your ancestry if possible. At least, > for me, that was necessary. > > I have realized that I have to carry the Irish burden somewhat. I cannot > throw this off completely. Some tell me not to listen to the sad songs, of > which there are many in our music. But I say, and mean, and realize, that > actually they don�t make me a �bad kind of sad�. They help me remember why > I am here, who I am, and what happened, for real, in the history of my very > own ancestors, the one�s who genes make me. > > I get something out of saying �I will not forget you�. > > There is a song, where a young Irish girl says that > > She was once beautiful and young > But the boat headed for america sank > And now the waves are her home > She never saw Ireland again > And she never saw her new home > So please don�t forget me, please ne�er forget me > > It�s touching, to be sure, and very true. > > That�s only one thing. There are so many pages of Irish history which are > pure pain and suffering, oppression, right up there with Rwanda and Slavery, > famine, and all in rather modern times. > > I�m part Irish, part Hindu, part man, part spirit. I have to honor them > all, and then I�m more balanced. And the body in which they all live, I > have to not clog it with fatty gooy foods, most of which live in the land of > fats, milk products, butters, oils, and other things. Must stay lean and > light, then the Aries rising part of me, the �body self�, is much happier. > > My last main food is fresh greens wrapped up in a piece of fake turkey, > �Tofurkey� they call it here. It�s vegetarian but looks and tastes like > turkey. So you wrap spinach or such in that, and pop it down like Sushi. > It�s tasty and hella easy to make, I mean, it�s instant. Yet, not > fattening, filling, good for you, live mostly, great! > > The myst is experienced first as doubting thought. You are moving through a > fine day, moving your body, working, things are moving, then you stop and > think.... > > A doubt. > > A thought of doubt. You stop. You ponder. It worsens. You start to > increase the doubt, and see all sides of it�s reasoning. Eventually, it > takes you over. > > And what is that? You are filled with doubt. Everything is wrong and > useless, broken, or unwanted, uninteresting, something is wrong with > everything. > > You are then paralyzed, cannot commit to any action, because both work and > pleasure are meaningless and useless. There is no real directed fire left > in you, no �zap� that is focused to take a decisive action, so you sit, or > sleep, or drup yourself then sit and sleep, or you eat, and eat, especially > foods which are �comforting�, which means, full of fat... Related to Moon, > that amma, Momma, that soft cushy wet and wonderful white stuff called fat, > cream, ice cream, cheese, puffy, yummy breast of momma-amma. > > Amma means �phlegm� is ayurvedic medicine. It�s the white crap on the back > of your tounge, and has it�s origins in bile, mucous, etc. Fat people are > full of it, while lean people are not so much obviously. It is the final > thing that kills many older people. They choke ultimately on their own > phlegm. > > In the state of depression, you only wish to stop the pain. So you take more > pills, eat more, sleep more, avoid more, and what happens? Your life gets > worse, and worse, and so your real problems start to increase. Like, you > become homeless, or dependent on others, or drugs. > > So, we can see that some myst, phlegm, depression, creates MORE. > > And, some light, freedom, clarity, creates MORE. > > So it�s a constant choice. If you stay with one, it will get easier to do > that one. Either more darkness, or more light. > > One realization after all this: In the Hare Krishna movement we were ALL > made to be �monks�. We all acted like �monks�. And monks don�t exercise, > or do a lot of things that other people do. We didn�t in the 80�s anyway. > > But perhaps I need those things. Perhaps knowing astrology more then would > have helped. Aries rising is an active sign. I wasn�t trained to care > about that. I was taught to care only for the mission. Ultimately I ended > up nearly crashed like a hard drive. > > The inspiration has subsided. I shall go. I am happy to have this cyber > family. > > > > > > Ree MacQuoid > > > > > > > das@g... > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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