To Haresh, Manoj, Sunita and All List

[Guest guest]

Just to clarify a few points: I have been to India 4 times, back in the late

seventies and early 80's. I was a Hare Krishna devotee. I had a semi-blind

Hare Krishna marriage, 2 kids, and now a grandchild. I have read the

Bhagavatam, Gita, Mahabharat and Ramayana and some other Upanishads. All of

these I've read extensively, or repeatedly. I lived the strict Vaisnava

lifestyle of the Gaudiya Math/Hare Krishna temples for many years and served in

them.

I have been doing Jyotish for 13 years, and during that time, I have discoursed

extensively with hundreds or thousands of souls, many of whom are Indian. Very

often the discussion covered married life, marriage, sex, children, all those

kinds of things. So when I say that Indians have to deal with meddling from

relatives, I know what I'm talking about. I've heard it over and over and

over. I didn't make that up.

Also, Haresh, when you "remind me" that "Krishna is God", well, thank you.

Please realize, I bowed to Krishna every day for many years. I have installed

and worshipped his Vigraha/Murti many times and in many places. I have

extensive experience as a devotee of Krishna, and the whole Krishna/Vaisnava

religion with all it's pieces and parts. Nobody needs to tell me who is Ram,

who is Krishna, the Pandavas, etc.

But what I ask you is: Where is the archaeological evidence for any of that?

Where are the golden helmets and chariot wheels on the field of Kurukshetra?

You know, in Europe they find burial mounds that are 3 to 4 thousand years old,

containing gold slippers, gold helmets, and all such things belonging to the

early kings of the various cultures there. Are these things found in India

also and thus confirm the scriptural statements. I am familiar with Mujundaro,

but that tells us little- the text there does not match Sanskrit, which throws a

wrench in the works does it not. I am open to being enlightened here.

Such fantastic statements are made in Mahabharat and Bhagavatam, but there is no

proof. I am well aware of the Vaisnava philosophy surrounding Krishna and Radha

etc etc., but I do not any longer go in for it personally, just as I do not

believe the fantastical claims of the ancient Irish books either, which are

similar. In one Roman history book, it tells of Unicorns living in Germany,

but this turned out to be a myth.

Note: We have an easy time writing off Western Ancient Religion as Myth.

However, in India, there are many many many people, and I was one of them, who

fully totally literally believed in the fantastical Hindu "scriptures" as

totally true history. I really believed this until a few years ago. Now I am

being open and honest about it.

My depression was caused by the collapse of my Vaisnava faith, happening at the

same time as losing all my previous friends (because they were ALL vaisnavas).

The mother of my children won't even talk to me because of this. Her and her

friends, her husband, all Vaisnavas, consider me to be dirt because I "lost

faith".

Mind you, I don't believe any longer in ANY GOD or ANY RELIGION. It's not just

Hinduism. I have become just a scientist, and a believer in the great divine,

which we don't know. Krishna is a very fully developed metaphor in my mind. A

very extensively and fully and craftily developed metaphor, which we would

expect from a India, a large, ancient, nearly unmeddled with ancient culture

on it's own huge land. I honor and respect that as a metaphor for the divine.

In this way, I've become more one with Indias impersonalists, who do not

believe in Krishna as a real person, but as a metaphor. That's my way of

seeing things now.

Before this change, I was a gung-ho all guns blaring go for it Hare Krishna

Vaisnava kind of guy, and the writings I made at those times can still be found

all over the web, making me sound like a really devoted Vaisnava. But those are

all old now.

I feel I have matured, grown up. Others may see me as a heretic or blasphemer,

but this is all opinion based solely on faith.

When you say "Krishna is God", you are expressing "Faith" only, because you have

not met him, have not seen him, cannot introduce me and him to each other, etc.

You are just believing the stories in old books, and there is no archaeological

evidence to back up your beliefs.

On the other hand, there is ample evidence that man evolved from a hunter gather

ape like creature into a more advanced creature. There is ample evidence of

little hunter-gatherer villages from India to Canada. There are also

dynosaurs. There are evidences of ancient small cultures, that became new

cultures. Many great cities have underneath them the ruins of older cities,

and archaeologists are finding more and more all the time.

I believe those things, because they are obvious true. An arrowhead in the

hand, is worth more than faith. It's proof.

Funny, in all my study of archaeology, I have never heard much about India. Why

is that? I am really asking. Are there any finds that prove any of theclaims

of Mahabharat? I expect grand cities, grand amounts of gold, weapons,

something...and if you say "Krishna took it all with him", I find that a little

too convenient to believe.

So I am open to being enlightened here.

As for woman, I have had around 50 intimite relationships, most very short, some

longer, one marriage, one ten year relationship with a married woman who I was

waiting and waiting and waiting for. Now, many of you are shocked. This is

normal for many people in the bigger cities of America. I am not special. I

have never had a venerial disease. I have never had an unwanted child, nor

been party to an abortion. Just my good luck in all these cases.

But love, real love, is hard to find. Where both partners love each other

similarly, is for me, hard to find, perhaps because I expect all of good looks,

brains, ambition, experience, worldliness, etc. Many have said I'm too picky.

But for all I've done, and how famous I am, I thought it would have come by now,

but it hasn't. Some say I should find happiness within. It sounds nice, but my

brain keeps feeling what it feels. I try many things to change and improve

myself, but I still wish I had a wife.

I do not mean to say bad things about India or it's culture, but I have been a

devotee of it, and I have lived in the heart of it I feel...in that I stayed in

a strict Temple/Math/Ashram in Navadwip West Bengal for quite some time, and

served in His (Sridhar Maharaja's) temples in San Jose and London, and was a

key person in both. Both were strictly following him. Then there was many

years in ISKCON temples, including being a president of one, for years again.

My wife and I followed strict Hindu dharma for our marriage for a number of

years before our white natures came back- but for some years we were the ideal

little white Indian couple following all the rules, running temples, giving the

classes, running the deities, paying for the temple completely, making new

devotees or bhaktas for Krishna, etc.

So I do know what I'm talking about, when it comes to Hinduism, and woman, and

relationships, and sex, and children, and business, and Jyotish.

I am frustrated because I am. That's all. I am frustrated because I do not

want to be single. That's all. I want a wife. I am lonely.

I could try to bury these feelings and not mention them, but it's my nature and

nearly an occupation, nearly a profession, of mine, to make myself public

property. I've been doing it on this list for years and I don't see a reason

to stop. I have already decided that if my path brings me ridicule or even

death, then I have to welcome it, because it has brought me to great heights

that few enjoy in their human lives. I have much to be thankful for.

So I voice my feelings, rightly or wrongly, and many thank me for that.

I find in doing so, that many share their lives back with me in private, and I

have found that I am actually just like everybody else in that we all have

pain, we all have sorrows, and many have the same pains and sorrows, like

wanting a spouse, is a VERY common sorrow or desire.

Many Indians have expressed their utter frustration with their parents meddling

in their marital plans, and many have told me how unhappy they are with their

arranged marriages, and remember, I kindof had one of my own, so I understand.

I have much more respect for Hinduism than Christianity, by the way. Just to

set the record straight on that one, as per my feelings, for what they are

worth to anybody.

My personal beliefs are that there is definitely something Divine, but that we

don't know what it is. There are many things we know about life, from

inference mostly, and that scriptures are reflections of what we think might be

the truth or explanation, as well as being places where great thinkers record

their realizations, which really are valueable to us all, especially at certain

times when we are hungry and needy for that kind of knowledge.

Right now my personal path is not at that point, or that's what I think. I'm at

a point of working on my own strengths. I am overcoming addictions, personal

problems, facing personal issues. It's not a time when I want to read about

great persons flying in flower airplanes to Indraloka or something like

that.... Do you get my meaning? If I'm angry, I don't want to do japa, I

want to figure out what is making me angry. So, there are different paths and

needs at different times in life perhaps. This is my supposition and I'm

following it.

I'm not sure I always want to be "fixed" either. Just as a yogi might WANT to

undergo austerities for some purpose all his own, similarly, I may WANT to

remain in an uncomfortable state for some reason of my own. I may be having a

battle with part of myself. I want to do my life my way at this time.

I wrote my letter because Haresh's letter to me seemed very strange- basically

recommending marriage as a fix for my problems.

I was like YEAH DUH I mean, that IS what I want. The problem is NO

WOMAN. NOT that I'm against marriage.

Then Manoj said "Hope his letter helped". I'm like WHAT?

It all seemed nearly comicle. I don't know if this makes sense to you both.

Maybe we're too far apart and too different to discuss these things.

Hoping this letter clarifies things.

Rick

Das

Sincerely,

Das Goravani (Richard Vuerst-MachAeoidh)

das (AT) goravani (DOT) com

(Please use email to communicate with me)

For online ordering and all information see our website:

http://www.Goravani.com

Astrology Software, Training Videos, Chart Printouts

and paintings by Das Goravani

 

 

Eugene OR 97405