Vedic Marriage by Amritananad

[Guest guest]

This article was written by Amritananad in 1996.I

found it in my mail box.You may find at internet.Read

it fully, It is good, true concept about marriage,Who

should get marry, why we are born etc.

 

 

I was frustrated for a long time, in trying to know

about the roots of our culture. They're steeped in

the Vedas, and the language is Sanskrit, it's not a

spoken language anymore. And I go and asked the

priest who performed my marriage, "What is the

meaning of the mantras that you recite in the

marriage?". And they say, "Well, we study the vedas,

but we don't study the meaning of the Vedas." That

was the standard reply I used to get. And I used to

get frustrated, because I wanted to know about my

culture, but I didn't know how to go about it.

Learning from firsthand was not possible; from

knowledgeable people, it was not forthcoming. And I

wondered why the information was being held back, what

is the reason. When I was a young kid I did study a

little bit of Sanskrit, from ages 5 to 11, I was

involved in Sanskrit studies, and later I gave it up

when I entered school. Well, today what I want to

talk about to you is the importance of our

understanding about what really a Hindu marriage

means. And what we should look for in it, and how we

should apply it to our lives. What's really involved,

why do we go through all that ceremony, and what is

the meaning of saying that we don't have the concept

of divorce in Hindu marriage and why is it so? I'd

like to delve into some of these questions here. But

let me start off on a philosophical note.

 

Many of you understand probably, that we are all one.

Many of you know already that the body is a temple

where God resides. God resides in me, in you, in you,

in you, in everyone. Not only in the human beings ,

but also in the animals, the trees, the birds that fly

in the air, in the air that we breathe, in the clouds

that give us rain, in the stars in space. There is

not a single place or a single time where God is not.

We do understand this in principle, but when it comes

to practice , we tend to differentiate a lot. We

accept God is there, but we do not accept God's

creation. We start saying, "If there's God, why is it

there is so much disparity, why is it there is so much

disharmony, why are these fights are going on all the

time, Why should hate be there, malevolent forces

ruling the world and not love? Two thousand years

after the Prince of Love, Christ, died, still we are

trying to find love among our hearts. So there's a

great wall that divides man from man, man from woman,

man from beast, man from everything. We should first

look into the causes of why and how these divides come

into existence. The great Indian philosopher Sankara

says, Advaita, non-duality, means there is only one

entity, and that is God. No matter where you look,

you can only see God and nothing else. But as I

said, we are not able to accept God in his manifested

state. We say that God doesn't know how to make the

world properly. If only I had the power, I would

eliminate all this strife, all this violence, and I

would show God how I can improve his creation. We

become so full of ahamkara, I can do better than God.

This is not a surrender. The first principle is that

God exists not only in his pure, enlarged state of

oneness, but also in the divided state where you see

differences. And I would want a balance, where these

differences are coming from and why and how. How do

we come to know about this world? Through our sense of

sight; either we see the world or we read about it, or

we touch it, or feel it, feel its warmth. So all

these sensory and motor perceptions are the channels

through which we communicate to the world, we know

about the world. But all these are deceptive. What

is near to us appears bigger than what is far away.

That is called inverse square law; that is how our

sense of sight works. You can hear me in this room,

but people outside cannot hear me. That is how our

sense of hearing works. So all these senses or motor

organs are acting as local magnifiers. So given this

mode of knowing this world, there's no way we can get

away from the attachment from the localizing

perceptions, It is very hard to get away from that.

In order to get away from that, and to be able to see

the oneness and to break down the barriers between man

and man, we have to somehow reach a state in which our

vision is universal, not localized, where the far

appears as close as the near appears to us; where with

your consciousness, your awareness, you are able to

penetrate the whole world and embrace the whole world

in its perception. That is the state in which you can

perceive God as being yourself.

 

Let's come down to a little lower level for

illustration. I say I am one, one being, but in me

there are billions of living cells which are born in

me, they're growing in me, they're dying in me. I

have not given them names, I have not married them, I

do not even know who they are, why they are there,

what they are doing; I am not even aware of them. But

I still have an experience of this continuous life of

all these living cells together which is what I call

my life. I see through my eyes, and I hear through my

ears; so I say this is my eye and this is my ear. I

do not say this is my ear and this is my eye. See,

the world I perceive through my eyes is totally

different from the world I perceive through my ears.

Both these pieces of awareness are unified in my

consciousness. It is I who am perceiving these

different fields of awareness, but the seer is the

same. So it makes sense to call this an eye and this

an ear, different names for sub parts of my awareness.

They are both parts of me; they are parts of me

because they are attached to me in some sense. My

hands are attached to my body, my legs are attached,

my heart is attached. So all these are attached to

me. So, can you find this attachment that we all have

together? I have life, you have life. We are both

attached to life. I can speak, you can speak, we are

both attached to speech. And there are so many

factors which are common to the seer and the seen.

This is what brings about the unity, the experience

of unity as compared to the state of diversity. We

see that the division that we look at is superficial,

but if we go deep, we see the unity. The ability to

see both the diversity and the unity at the same time

is given to us. And your birthright is to experience

that unity. And the concept of marriage as it exists

now in the Hindu culture tells you how to translate

this experience of unity in diversity. If you know

how to make two into one, then you know how to make

three into one; by induction process, and then you

know how to make four into one and so on. So you

experience the whole entire world collapsing into you.

So this is the foundation of the concept of marriage.

 

 

So let me go over some details about some of the

vedic mantras that we recite and why recite them. So

I will start with the idea that the God is in me. So

it makes sense for every one of us to say that I am

God. But, if I said God is really in me and not in

you, I am God and you're the Devil, then the problem

comes. I should able to say I am God and you are

also God. It is then that the oneness, the unity

comes about.

 

So in the marriage, who is the bridegroom? The father

of the bride worships the feet of the bridegroom in

the marriage saying the following stanza:

 

Namostu anantaya sahasramurtaye Sahasrapadakshi shira

uru bahave sahasranamne purushaya shashvate

sahasrakoti yuga dharine namah

 

The bridegroom is none other than MahaVishnu,

physically present as an individual here, I am washing

his feet. Namostu, I bow down to him. Anantaya, one

who has no ending. Sahasra murtaye, the one who has a

thousand forms. In Sanskrit, the word thousand is

used in a different sense than we normally

understand . The three zeros are the three illusions

of our wakefulness, of our dreaming and sleeping

state. The reality, the one is you; you are

experiencing all these three states. One thousand is

meant to represent infinity of experiences in these

three states of our being. Sahasramurtaye, having a

thousand forms. Sahasra shira purushaya, having a

thousand heads, because all of our heads belong to

him, all of our hands belong to him. Sahasrapadaksi

shiraurubahave. He has got a thousand rays coming

from him, and infinity of rays, an infinity of ways of

knowing the world. Purushaya. He is the seer.

Shashvate, he is existing forever, through all life.

Sahasrakoti yugadharine namah. For thousands of

crores of eras, he has been there, and that is the

Maha Vishnu who is the bridegroom.

 

So you see, you are not seeing the bridegroom as an

individual. You are considereing him as a

manifestation of Maha Vishnu directly. And it is to

him the Kanya, the bride is being offered. And what

does the bride represent? The wealth of the lord,

Maha Laksmi, aishvarya. All the wealth in the world,

all the enjoyment, all the riches, all the

experiences, they are the Maha Laksmi. Kanyam kanaka

sampannam sakala abharanih yutam. This bride is

offered as the wealth of the world unto thee, unto

the God who owns this wealth. Then you may say, what

is this giving of the bride to the bridegroom? Is it

not a sense of distortion? Should the bridegroom not

be given to the bride? Why this superiority of the

male? Does it not interfere with the relationship?

But it's not so. To see this, let us go on with the

concept of marriage.

 

The real muhurta, when the people get married, is

when they put their hands on each others' heads, it's

called sumuhurta. At that time, what happens? You

have a betel leaf, some jaggery, and some seeds, and

that is kept on the heads of the bride and bridegroom

mutually. Now who puts the hand on your head?

Putting a hand on your head is a blessing. And who

blesses you? The guru blesses you. So the meaning

of that sumuhurta, the real meaning of marriage is

implicit there. That you , the bride becomes the guru

of the bridegroom, and the bridegroom becomes the guru

of the bride. So you are mutual guru and sishya. But

you have to understand this. Where normally, we tend

to place the guru on a pedestal, high up above, and

think that we have obey or listen to whatever he or

she says. That is not the real meaning. The real

meaning of the guru and sishya relationship is that

like a transmitter and receiver. When I'm talking and

you're listening, I'm the guru and you are the chela

or sishya. But when you're talking and I'm listening,

you're the transmitter and I'm the receiver; so you're

the guru and I'm the sishya. See, in advaita, it

becomes very clear that you're not really talking to

somebody else when you're talking to somebody else.

You're talking to yourself when you're talking to

somebody else because the talker and listener are one.

You learn to see the oneness of yourself with the

other. Therefore, the talker and the listener become

one. In that sense the relationship between guru and

sishya is just a resonance with your self, being in

tune with yourself.

 

So here, people say, that girls are not entitled to

study the Veda. Many people of the ascetic order say

girls should not recite Vedas. That's not true. The

boy goes through a state called upanayana. Upanayana

means taking you near God. nayana means taking, upa

means near. You're being taken near the Goddess, the

mother Gayatri, by the thread ceremony. The thread

ceremony entitles you to recite Gayatri Mantra.

Gayatri is a Shakti who is ruling the whole world.

She is the creatrix, she is the sustainer, she is also

the destroyer. She combines all these powers into

her. And if you get the right to recite the Gayatri,

you become a Shakti upasaka, then you go through the

transition called upanayana. The dynamic nature you

have to understand, and implement, and expose yourself

to in your life.

 

Now, for Gayatri mantra upasana, the woman get the

right too during the marriage ceremony. How?

Because, from the husband, who becomes her guru, she's

entitled to learn this Gayatri mantra. So, what is

considered upanayana for the male is equal to the

Kalyana or marriage ceremony, for the bride. So from

that moment onward, she is entitled to learn all the

Vedas, all the Shastras he has learned. And what ever

she has learned, she can be a guru to him and she can

teach him. So this mutual guru sishya relationship is

what we call the marriage. You have to understand

this. If I say, I am always the guru and you're

always the disciple, there's a superiority /

inferiority relationship there. But that's not true.

The relationship is built on total equality. You're

sometimes the guru, sometimes I'm the guru. Sometimes

you're the sishya, sometimes I'm the sishya. So

where's the question of superiority there? If A

contains B and B contains A, then we say A is equal to

B, right? It is this relationship which is the

essence of our Hindu marriage.

 

If in this relationship of marriage, if we assume the

dominant male or the dominant female attitude, then

the concept of the marriage is totally lost. The

marriage is supposed to be like a cart that has two

wheels, and both wheels have to move forward at the

same speed so that the cart can go forward. If one

wheel stops and the other is moving, it goes round

and round, it doesn't move forward. But equality of

the two wheels which are the husband and the wife,

that is being established by this relationship, and

that is the essence of the marriage.

 

So I told you that the roots of marriage is

friendship, right? So, explore this friendship a

little further. If I am friend to you, and somebody

else is a friend to you, should it mean that somebody

must be enemy to me? Not so. Marriage is like an

equality. If A=B and B=C then it does not mean that A

is not equal to C, but it means that A is equal to C.

So to establish this relationship more completely, the

Vedic mantras that are used in the marriage have what

is called saptapadi, the seven steps that you walk

together around the fire. And in this saptapadi the

following statements are there: Sakha saptipadi

bhava- be my friend who walks these seven steps

together. Sakhyam te gameyam- may I aspire to your

friendship. Look at the words carefully - may I

ASPIRE to your friendship. It's not there now, we

have to reach that understanding. Sakhyam

temayoshah; sakhyam me ma yoshtyas. That means, the

bridegroom is telling the bride "You may have friends,

they may be girls or they may be boys, it does not

mean therefore that they're my enemies. So I aspire

to your friendship, and your friends are my friends,

they're not my enemies. And similarly, I may have

friends, girl friends or boy friends, and they're not

your enemies, even if we were to make love to them.

The fundamental cause for breaking up of marriages is

to become jealous when you're talking to somebody

else, when you're looking at somebody else, when you

want to make love to somebody other than your married

partner. It is denounced as adultery in our days, and

is the cause of divorce. It's this kind of jealousy

which breaks up the marriage. It root is cut off in a

vedic marriage. So total freedom to have any number

of friends is permitted in the Vedic marriage. And

then the great Rishis ask the question, for what

purpose is the marriage? Dharma praja sampatti artham

striyam udvahe. The spark of life was given to us by

our parents. And we have to repay that debt. And

how do repay that debt? By procreation. By creating

another spark of life, we repay that debt to our

parents. And that reason is one of the prime reasons

for marriage. So if you want to have children, you

must beget them through a married partner. That is

the dictum. Now we got what are called four

purushartas, which are called dharma, artha, kama,

moksha. In every samkalpa we say "Dharma, artha,,

kama, moksha, cathur vidha phala purusharta

siddharthyam. I want to do my duty, I want to earn

money, I want to fulfill my desires, and I want to be

liberated. These are the four basic desires that

everyone has. So dharma is defined as giving the

spark of life which have received from your father and

mother, and pass on that life to a new life. Because

in the Convocation address given to the disciple after

education is completed, it says, "Praja tantum ma

vyavachetsih". It says, life is so precious, please

do not cut it short by not having children. Life is

so precious, in this whole wide world, there is a very

little part where life really manifests in its full

state. So you have the bounden duty to continue this

spark of life unbroken. And let the life evolve into

higher an higher forms. So your defined purpose is to

generate children and that is one of the prime

reasons for marriage.

 

Artha, then Kama and moksha are there. Kama is

desire. We have desires. What are these desires? We

want to build a home, we want to raise good children,

we want to acquire wealth and peace of mind, we want

to have friends, all these things are desires. These

desires can take the forms of lusts; lust for money,

lust for life, lust for enjoyment, lust for anything.

If you have a desire in a relationship as intimate as

a marriage is, then it cannot be called love. Love is

that which arises when the desire is not there. Love

is what we like to do and we simply do it. Loving is

loving yourself, basically, because you do not see the

other person as different from you when you are in

love, or when you are making love. You are connected,

attached when making love; you know the other's

feelings through the connectedness. So when I love

somebody, then whatever I do to that person I'm doing

to myself. Because love is that which integrates,

which unites. It is not that which separates. Love

is a connection, a resonance. So you see, if you are

giving to somebody something, say somebody has come to

take alms from you, and you give some money; if then

you have a pride that you are giving that money, then

it is not an expression of love towards that person.

If there is no pride, then it becomes an expression of

love. So love is that where you discover the real

needs of the other person and you try to fulfill those

needs. Not because you're in a position where you can

help and that person needs the help, but because it's

your nature to help, and it hurts you not to help

those whom you're helping. So you see, love is a very

delicate thing which blurs the sense of distinction

between the giver and the given, or the receiver and

the received. So it is in total unity only that you

can love. If you feel separateness, then you cannot

experience this love. The purpose of marriage was to

achieve the state where you make two into one, make

three into one, make many into one, and to take you

into that state where you are connected to the whole

world, and become truly a divine person, a Goddess or

a God.

 

You think you are two separate bodies, you and your

wife, or you and your husband. But these two are

connected so totally, that I know your thoughts as if

they are my own thoughts. I'm able to see through

your eyes. I'm able to hear through your ears. I'm

able to feel what you're experiencing without your

having to communicate with me. It is that total union

of the spirit which enables you to circulate into the

other state of consciousness, that is the aim of the

marriage, to make two into one. To realize that in a

real life situation, that is the real purpose of

marriage.

 

The seven steps that you go around the fire are

supposed to be the seven chakras in your body, if you

are aware of the psychic chakras, they are supposed to

be seven centers where you're connected to the cosmos.

By keeping your awareness in these centers you're able

to connect to the cosmos. Those who are practicing

yoga become the cosmos. Marriage is considered as

yoga. Yoga is a part of samyoga, where two are

merging together in total love, and then they practice

yoga.

 

Then we come to the question of how this friendship is

produced. Can they have desires and how do they

express their desires? There is a freedom given and

there is a freedom not given. These are issues which

are resolved in the marriage. As I said, the marriage

is between God and the world; between Maha Vishnu and

this world. Where does Maha Vishnu reside? In

everyone, right? And where does Maha Laksmi reside?

In everyone. So, you see, how can there be a divorce

in such a situation? When the bridegroom is the God

and God exists in everyone. The wealth of God also

exists in everyone. And the unity of these two, how

can it be disturbed by separation? There is no

concept of divorce in the Hindu marriage. Whomever

marries whomever else, it still is the marriage of

Maha Vishnu and Maha Laksmi.

 

You know, there is the concept of worshiping the women

who come to our house. We give them gifts and say,

"Who is it that is giving gifts?" . We tell them ,

Devi, it is you who are giving gifts, who are also

receiving gifts. This is Devi puja. So, though the

names of the people are different, it is the same

Goddess who is giving and the Goddess who is

receiving. So this non-distinction is built from the

beginning of our life to the end of our life, and

throughout our life. This is the real basis of Hindu

marriage. In the olden days, the Vedic times, in the

Tantric times, they used to marry the girls eight

years after menstruation. Eight years after she

became a woman, she is married. What happens between

these eight years? There used to be called Gandharva

vivaha, which means you love somebody, so you are with

that somebody. In modern terms, it is called dating.

In olden times it was called Gandharva vivaha.

 

The bride and bridegroom are married. So who is the

bride married to? She's married to everyone, the

whole world. Who is the bridegroom married to? He's

married to the whole world. Explicitly, the vedic

mantras say, the bride is married to the purohit who

is performing the marriage. She's married to the

Gandharvas. Gandharvas are those with whom she had

contact earlier, before her marriage. She's married

to all of them. She's married to agni, the fire.

She's married to vayu, pritivi, apah, tejas, vayu,

akasha. All these things, she's married to. And the

priest had the first right of opening her up to the

maritial bliss if she remained a virgin.

 

The Vedic marriage concept is totally different. In

fact, we are using the same mantras, but we don't

understand what they really mean. So they give us the

discipline. They asked the question, for whom is this

marriage required? The world tried different

approaches to marriage. They tried, "I'll get

whomever I can," that type of marriage. The group

marriage they tried. And finally they have decided on

monogamy. Polyandry and polygamy were there, and

finally they decided on this monogamy as the standard

one for the lifestyles.

 

So what happens to the desires that are left in you?

Now, if you understand properly our Hindu culture, we

worship the Siva Linga. Siva Linga is the union of

the universal male and the universal female. The

Linga and the Yoni are united together. We are

worshiping that, which means we are worshiping the

universal male and universal female.

 

In the broadest context, let us understand Siva Linga

at four different levels. The lowest level at which

we understand the Siva Linga is at the level of

physical union. It is the male phallus which is

called Siva and the female yoni which is called

Parvati. It is their union that we are worshiping.

There, the union is for procreation. At the next

highest level, the fire in the navel center and the

love in the heart center, their union is called Siva

and Shakti. In the next higher level still, space is

considered the womb and time is the linga which is

moving. The universe of space and time is called the

Siva Linga. All the five elements, all the ways in

which we perceive, all these are considered to be

lingas.

 

After these three levels, we reach the fourth and

transcendent level where there is no distinction

between the seer and the seen. They have become one.

That is the highest form of the linga. It is called

alinga. There is no linga there. There is no

characteristic that differentiates one from the other.

You are joined so totally with the world. You have

absorbed the whole world into yourself and there is

nothing other than you. So, to reach that state is

called moksa. The purpose of marriage was to reach

that state, moksa. Not by denying yourself, not by

the ascetic character of your life; but you enjoy life

to the fullest, while at the same time there is union

with God. So the union between man and woman, the

union between God and his wealth, was being proposed

as a paradigm for our evolution. This is the

essential concept of marriage.

 

=====

"Love is friendship set to music."

"Love conquers all."

 

 

 

 

 

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