Marriage without children

[Guest guest]

I don't find any injunction in those scriptures which are meant for

advancement in bhakti that because one is a grhasta he should engage himself

in sex life. On voluntary basis, only for begetting Krsna conscious children

one is permitted to have sex with his married wife under strong

restrictions. The verse 'dharm€viruddho bh™teu k€mo ’smi' is relating to

this. Otherwise even for grhastas it is always condemned to have sexual

intercourses.

 

Those who are practising Krsna consciousness seriously don't need a son to

deliver them from this material world. Also who gives the guarantee that the

son will become or remain a devotee?

 

I never heard or read Srila Prabhupada saying that when a grhasta devotee

doesn't produce progeny his one way ticket Back to Godhead will be

cancelled.

 

SB 11.18.43 (Lord Sri Krsna to Uddhava)

A householder may approach his wife for sex only at the time prescribed for

begetting children. Otherwise, the householder should practice celibacy,

austerity, cleanliness of mind and body, satisfaction in his natural

position, and friendship toward all living entities. Worship of Me is to be

practiced by all human beings, regardless of social or occupational

divisions.

 

SB 7.12.12

All the rules and regulations apply equally to the householder and the

sanny€s…, the member of the renounced order of life. The ghastha, however,

is given permission by the spiritual master to indulge in sex during the

period favorable for procreation.

PURPORT

It is sometimes misunderstood that a ghastha, a householder, is permitted

to indulge in sex at any time. This is a wrong conception of ghastha life.

In spiritual life, whether one is a ghastha, v€naprastha, sanny€s… or

brahmac€r…, everyone is under the control of the spiritual master. For

brahmac€r…s and sanny€s…s there are strong restrictions on sexual

indulgence. Similarly, there are strong restrictions for ghasthas.

Ghasthas should indulge in sex life only in accordance with the order of

the guru. Therefore it is mentioned here that one must follow the orders of

the spiritual master (guru-vttir vikalpena). When the spiritual master

orders, the ghastha may accept sex life. This is confirmed in Bhagavad-g…t€

(7.11). Dharm€viruddho bh™teu k€mo ’smi: indulgence in sex life without

disobedience to the religious rules and regulations constitutes a religious

principle. The ghastha is allowed to indulge in sex life during the period

favorable for procreation and in accordance with the spiritual master’s

order. If the spiritual master’s orders allow a ghastha to engage in sex

life at a particular time, then the ghastha may do so; otherwise, if the

spiritual master orders against it, the ghastha should abstain. The

ghastha must obtain permission from the spiritual master to observe the

ritualistic ceremony of garbh€dh€na-saˆsk€ra. Then he may approach his wife

to beget children, otherwise not. A br€hmaŠa generally remains a brahmac€r…

throughout his entire life, but although some br€hmaŠas become ghasthas and

indulge in sex life, they do so under the complete control of the spiritual

master. The katriya is allowed to marry more than one wife, but this also

must be in accordance with the instructions of the spiritual master. It is

not that because one is a ghastha he may marry as many times as he likes

and indulge in sex life as he likes. This is not spiritual life. In

spiritual life, one must conduct one’s whole life under the guidance of the

guru. Only one who executes his spiritual life under the direction of the

spiritual master can achieve the mercy of KŠa. Yasya pras€d€d

bhagavat-pras€daƒ **. If one desires to advance in spiritual life but he

acts whimsically, not following the orders of the spiritual master, he has

no shelter. Yasy€pras€d€n na gatiƒ kuto ’pi. Without the spiritual master’s

order, even the ghastha should not indulge in sex life.

SB 7.12.12

 

Morning Walk, December 2, 1973, Los Angeles

 

Therefore in the Vedic system first brahmac€r…, become brahmac€r…. Learn how

to avoid sex, celibacy. That is first instruction. And if you are completely

unable, all right, get yourself married. Otherwise there is no need of sex

life. Why one should have sex life?

Svar™pa D€modara: Then how to continue the species?

Prabhup€da: Why you will continue? You finish it, this condemned world,

where you are simply suffering. Why should you continue it?

Svar™pa D€modara: Because that is the laws of nature.

Prabhup€da: No, no, laws of nature if you want. If you want to be condemned,

then laws of nature is there. Otherwise laws of nature is teaching you how

to become KŠa conscious. Just like police. Police business is to make you

lawful. If you become lawful, there is no question of police. There is no

question of police law. Daiv… hy e€ guŠamay… mama m€y€ duratyay€ [bg.

7.14]. M€y€ is kicking you one after another so that you may come to sense

that “This life is not good.” But we are so foolish that we say, “No, it is

good.” Yan maithun€di. “There is sex life. Oh, it is very good.” This is the

position.

Devotee: You give the analogy in the Bhagavad-g…t€ that it’s like pouring

gas onto a fire you’re trying to put out.

Hday€nanda: He said like putting gas on the fire.

Prabhup€da: Ah. So increase the fire. Yes. But because we have got this

body, we have to utilize it to make the best use of a bad bargain. Therefore

marriage is allowed, ghastha life is allowed, not for increasing sex life,

but to finish it as soon as possible.

Svar™pa D€modara: But, ®r…la Prabhup€da, even in the very lower forms of

life, there are some species, they reproduce without any sex? It’s called

asexual reproduction.

Prabhup€da: Yes, yes. Oh yes. These bugs, bedbugs, they produce by this

blood. You kill...

Svar™pa D€modara: We cannot check reproduction.

Prabhup€da: No, how can you check? There are so many living entities. They

have come to this material world to enjoy. So the reproduction must go on.

Just like you cannot stop the jail. You come out, but another is ready to

enter it. That is not possible.

Svar™pa D€modara: So it is within this material platform that we develop the

consciousness by which...

Prabhup€da: That was answered by Caitanya Mah€prabhu. One of His devotee,

V€sudeva Datta, he said, “Sir, You have come. You take all the living

entities of this universe and release them from this life. And if You think

that they are so sinful, they cannot be, then give their all sins to me. But

You take them.” So Caitanya Mah€prabhu said, “Suppose if I take this

universe, the all living entities, do you think the business will be

finished? This universe is just like a mustard seed in the bag of mustard

seeds.” (laughs) So from the bag of mustard seeds, if you take one mustard

seed, what is the loss there? So this cannot be stopped. So anant€ya

kalpate. There are so many, unlimited number of living entities. So this

will go on.

 

BG 16.1-3 purport

Then as far as dama (self-control) is concerned, it is not only meant for

other orders of religious society, but is especially meant for the

householder. Although he has a wife, a householder should not use his senses

for sex life unnecessarily. There are restrictions for the householders even

in sex life, which should only be engaged in for the propagation of

children. If he does not require children, he should not enjoy sex life with

his wife. Modern society enjoys sex life with contraceptive methods or more

abominable methods to avoid the responsibility of children. This is not in

the transcendental quality, but is demoniac. If anyone, even if he is a

householder, wants to make progress in spiritual life, he must control his

sex life and should not beget a child without the purpose of serving KŠa.

If he is able to beget children who will be in KŠa consciousness, one can

produce hundreds of children, but without this capacity one should not

indulge only for sense pleasure.

 

SB 3.22.19 purport

 

Great householders pray to God to send His representative so that there may

be an auspicious movement in human society. This is one reason to beget a

child. Another reason is that a highly enlightened parent can train a child

in KŠa consciousness so that the child will not have to come back again to

this miserable world. Parents should see to it that the child born of them

does not enter the womb of a mother again. Unless one can train a child for

liberation in that life, there is no need to marry or produce children. If

human society produces children like cats and dogs for the disturbance of

social order, then the world becomes hellish, as it has in this age of Kali.

In this age, neither parents nor their children are trained; both are

animalistic and simply eat, sleep, mate, defend, and gratify their senses.

This disorder in social life cannot bring peace to human society. Kardama

Muni explains beforehand that he would not associate with the girl Devah™ti

for the whole duration of his life. He would simply associate with her until

she had a child. In other words, sex life should be utilized only to produce

a nice child, not for any other purpose. Human life is especially meant for

complete devotion to the service of the Lord. That is the philosophy of Lord

Caitanya.

 

SB 5.9.16 purport

The conditioned soul has a natural tendency toward sex and meat-eating;

consequently the €stras grant them some concessions. Actually the €stras

aim at putting an end to these abominable activities, but they impart some

regulative principles so that gradually meat-eaters and sex hunters will be

rectified.

 

SB 5.14.22 purport

It is therefore said in the €stras, yan maithun€di-ghamedhi-sukhaˆ hi

tuccham: [sB 7.9.45] materialism is based on sex, whether licit or illicit.

Sex is full of dangers even for those who are addicted to household life.

Whether one has a license for sex or not, there is great trouble.

 

SB 6.1.22 purport

 

Therefore we first advise all the disciples in our KŠa consciousness

movement to avoid illicit sex, which is the beginning of all abominable life

and which is followed by meat-eating, gambling and intoxication, one after

another. Of course, restraint is very difficult, but it is quite possible if

one fully surrenders to KŠa, since all these abominable habits gradually

become distasteful for a KŠa conscious person.

 

Lecture Bhagavad-g…t€ 2.6, London, August 6, 1973

 

“There is no more better type of worship than it was conceived by the vraja

gop…s. Vraja-vadhu. The most abominable. For a young girl to leave the care

of husband, father, and go to another young boy, according to Vedic culture,

it is the most abominable. So still, because, it was, the center was KŠa,

it is accepted as the highest type of worship. That is KŠa consciousness.

We have to learn how to act only for KŠa, how to love only KŠa. Then our

life is successful.

 

Letter to: Batu Gopala, Vrindaban, 7 September, 1974

 

I am glad to see that you are living an ideal grhastha life. That is very

good. The more you will become Krishna conscious the more you will forget

sex life. Sex life is the original root cause of material bondage. When one

takes to Krishna consciousness gradually sex at last becomes abominable,

then he is fit to enter back to home back to Godhead.

 

SB 3.21.15 purport

If one has a nice wife, he is to be considered a most fortunate man. In

astrology, a man is considered fortunate who has great wealth, very good

sons or a very good wife. Of these three, one who has a very good wife is

considered the most fortunate.

 

Your servant,

Premanjana das