see *some* women as mother?

[Guest guest]

WWW: Janesvara (Dasa) ACBSP (Syracuse - USA) wrote:

 

> [Text 2092297 from COM]

>

> On 12 Feb 1999, Srila Dasa wrote:

>

> > I was rereading these old texts on this "Mataji" issue and trying to

> > understand why I had retorted so strongly ("emoted") to Mother Hare Krsna

> dasi

> > on this point.

>

> > I now understand that because of my insecure status where I am unmarried,

I

> > see every woman as a potential mate, thus I am unable to put the standard

> > Vedic aphorism of "seeing every woman *except one's wife* as mother" into

> > practice. Therefore, I minimize or decry it's importance, because seeing

> every

> > woman as "mother" is simply not relevant for my present psychological

needs.

>

> Aside from the usual scholarly vocabulary, a nice honest response. I had a

> similar feeling about the subject when it came out previously but thought I

> would withhold my response, until my big mouth has to open again. Like now.

>

> There are definitely women that I show motherly respect to, but most of the

> rest I first look at as a potential sexual partner with the hope that a more

> meaningful and fulfilling relationship might develop. If I couldn't have

> enjoyable sex with a woman I wouldn't want her as a wife - I'm low, I know,

> but I'm not stupid. It (SEX)doesn't mean only gross sex but naturally

includes

> the more emotional and "romantic" aspects of love between two people. Like

> sharing personal beliefs and goals. I like the Vedic cultural approach of

> determining sexual compatibility as well the approach to living successfully

> with a woman. After all, the Vedic culture invented real sex and made a

> scripture for it. Though, I've found it incredibly difficult to live with one

> woman successfully - I can't imagine trying to be in a relationship with

> several women as wives!!! Lots of bangles!

 

Hare Krsna dasi responds:

 

Here are a couple more perspectives. The fact of society is that whether we

speak

of an Eastern culture or a Western culture, there seems to be a natural

tendency

to regard women as inferior to men. For one thing, most women are not as

strong

as most men. But this tendency to regard women as inferior leads to a lack of

respect for women which in turn sets the scene for 1) Oppression of women, 2)

Exploitation of women in terms of labor, etc., 3) Sexual exploitation.

 

Let's forget about what this does to the women for a moment. What does it do

to

the men? It gives them a feeling of superiority which reinforces their

identification with the body. It reinforces a mentality of controller-ship

rather

than a mentality of service. It reinforces the natural tendency towards lust.

Well, reinforced bodily identification, seeing oneself as the controller, and

cultivating lusty desires are all handicaps in our efforts for spiritual

advancement.

 

And what this women-inferior mentality do to the women? It can lead to anger

or

more often feelings of self-disgust and self-hatred. This is not to be

mistaken

for humility. Rather, it is a different way of reinforcing identity with the

body. It can lead to society being organized in such a way that there is no

provision made for women to take time for activities which promote spiritual

advancement (in a society like ours -- chanting japa, attending kirtans and

Bhagavatam classes), and it reinforces ones identification as an object of sex.

None of these things is favorable to spiritual advancement.

 

So, to create a situation which is more favorable for spiritual advancement for

both men and women, many religions encourage some method of respecting women.

 

In certain Christian circles for example, the woman is regarded as "sister."

Interestingly, during the Black Power movement in this country, participants

noted

the same problems with regarding women as inferior as outlined above. It was

not

good for the men or the women. Thus, they also adopted the practice of

regarding

women as "sister" which was already used in certain Christian sects.

 

To some extent, this lead to a healthier attitude than before, but in many

cases

sexual exploitation continued. Actually, the objection that Srila Prabhupada

voiced about the term "sister" was in many cases born out in the Black Power

movement and other 60's movements, in which the women were frequently exploited

sexually by men who had no long-term plans to maintain and protect them or

their

resulting children.

 

So, practically speaking, in most cases just to call women "sister" is not

enough

to raise them to an equal platform. Practical history shows, they will still

be

regarded as inferior. But how can men advance in spiritual life when they

automatically regard at least 50% of human beings as inferior to them. This is

not a platform for humility or for sama darsana.

 

The practical fact is, women are really only able to be regarded as spiritually

equal by raising them to a platform which is slightly above that of men:

mother.

Only when women are widely viewed and respected as "mother" is this artificial

feeling of superiority -- which is such stumbling block for spiritual progress

--

begin to be diminished.

 

So what happens in society when women are actually respected as mothers? For

one

thing, they will be confident in their own self-worth and thus able to convey

that

feeling to their sons and daughters. That feeling of self-worth and personal

responsibility has to be the preliminary step toward any healthy feeling of

humility which is needed for spiritual advancement. Humility results not from

thinking I am disgusting, but from realizing that another person is so great in

their devotional service that I really can't compare to them. In that way,

humility is an aspect of love of other devotees. Real humility is not simply a

subtle form of being centered on one's own false ego.

 

So to think of women as "mother" opens the door to a respectful appreciation of

them. And for a women to be addressed as "mother" should open the door to

feelings of need to provide some type of caring service to a "son." Sons are

always in need of caring service of one kind or another.

 

*********************

 

Which brings me to my second point. It certainly touches the hearts of those

reading these posting to hear two men-devotees relate that because of their own

needs for a mate, their instincts are that to think of other women as "mother"

will not be practical.

 

Very gently, let me say that you may be mistaken about this. Actually, in the

question of finding a mate, one of the best assets a man could have is one or

several women whom he respects as "mother." Women know other women, and they

are

also soft-hearted enough to want to somehow provide for those who take the

position of their sons. I can understand now how it may seem artificial for

you

to "see every woman as mother," but nevertheless I think that you may have

much

more to gain than you realize if you could at least see *some* women as mother.

Just for example, you may be friends with an older devotee whose wife you could

regard as "mother" when you have occasion to visit with them or associate with

them. In this way, you may eventually find that such a "mother" can help you

meet

the person who will help you in your service to guru and Krsna.

 

Please disregard all this if you find that I am being too much of a busy-body

(as

usual). But I don't want you to miss out on the unique help that a mother

could

provide in your situation. Again, it was good to hear such a frank

presentation

from both of you. It helps us look at our own motivations, too.

 

your servant,

 

Hare Krsna dasi