Change it from within

[Guest guest]

A response to Raghunatha Stocker

 

By Anuttama dasa

Dear Raghunatha,

 

Please accept my humble obeisances. All glories to Srila Prabhupada.

 

I prefer to not write open letters, especially in response to a statement as

deep, profound, and heartfelt as your recent letter on CHAKRA. But, since

you have written your letter as an open book, it is appropriate that I try

to respond as you have requested, publicly. Forgive me if this response is

not sufficient, or is too autobiographical. I will try to write from my

heart, as you have done.

 

My name is Anuttama dasa. I have been a disciple of Srila Prabhupada’s since

1975. Most of my devotional service was performed in Denver (USA) where I

was a sankirtan devotee and later temple president. I moved to Washington DC

in 1993 to serve as the North American communications director. I am married

to Rukmini dasi, and I have one (step)son, Gauravani, who you may know. He

was in Vrindavana gurukula part of the time you were there.

 

One of my greatest doubts in spiritual life concerns the pain that Krishna’s

parts and parcels are forced to undergo in this material world. Often, we

explain it with simplistic references to karma and lessons to be learned,

but it is not so simple.

 

How is it that so many innocent children, born into a spiritual society full

of idealistic and self sacrificing young social reformers can suffer as they

have in ISKCON? How is it that a loving Supreme Friend can allow

perpetrators of the most insidious crimes to enter the ashramas (“spiritual

shelters”) of idealistic communities and defile and torture them? How is it

that Srila Prabhupada, a pure devotee of God, could have established

something that could be exploited by some for evil purposes? Why didn’t

Krishna stop it? Why didn’t Srila Prabhupada stop it? Why didn’t I stop it?

 

Vaishnavas are tested by the qualities they have. To not feel pain for those

in the world who suffered from the terrible recent floods, famines,

earthquakes, and civil wars is to be far, far away from God consciousness

despite our dress, or outward behavior. If we are devotees, we must feel

pain for those who suffer. If we are sincere, we must try to stop it.

 

I don’t know why there is so much suffering. I know that the experience of

that suffering is what led me to be a devotee. I didn’t want to be part of

the problem. I didn’t want to give pain to others, I wanted to help relieve

the pain. I wanted to be part of the spiritual solution.

 

But, here I am. Twenty-five years later, and I am confronted with the

reality that under my eyes, yet without my knowledge, while I was

sacrificing my life to “preach and share transcendental knowledge” to help

others, many of the most needy within our own Krishna society were suffering

terribly.

 

I didn’t really comprehend that until 1996 in Alachua. There, for three

hours, 10 Gurukuli youth brought a room full of North American ISKCON

leaders to tears with their stories of neglect and past abuse. Some told how

teachers forced them to wear soiled underwear as punishment. Others almost

abandoned by their parents. Others exploited sexually, repeatedly.

 

I don’t know why you and other children suffered. If I think about it too

much I still cry. But just crying won’t do any good.

 

I could leave. I never really thought about that much before. But the

difficulties that face us now make me think about it now. I didn’t come to

ISKCON for this. I didn’t abuse children. I never hit anyone. I never hurt

anyone like this. Why did this happen? Is it all useless? Doesn’t Krishna

care? Doesn’t Srila Prabhupada care? Didn’t the leaders care?

 

In Alachua, a lot of people were crying. Some were hugging the kids. Others

practically fell down out of psychological and emotional exhaustion while

attempting to offer obeisances to the young devotees.

 

Its hard to be an idealist and be confronted with the reality of terrible,

terrible suffering. We left the material world to be rid of these terrible

things. Now, they had followed us into Eden. All is not right with the

garden.

 

I can’t blame you for your anger. I’m surprised you were strong and

soft-hearted enough to try again to live in the ashrama. I’m sorry that you

suffered as a child. I’m sorry that we disappointed you as an adult. I

apologize for whatever I may have done to contribute to your pain.

 

But that really doesn’t do it. Being sorry is not enough. So, in Alachua I

stood up and pledged to try to solve the problem. I pledged $10,000 on the

spot (I had only moved out of the ashrama without financial support just

three years before, so it was a stretch for my wife and I.) Then others

followed, and despite unfair rumors to the contrary, a large amount of money

was raised. And, with the help of several other devotees we started an

organization on the spot to help the youth. It became Children of Krishna

and a lot of young people have been helped since then. So far, over $100,000

has been granted for ISKCON youth for education, counseling and other needs.

 

Soon after, the Office of Child Protection was formed. Some of the most

dedicated people I know in the world work there. They are fair. They are

firm. They are professional.

 

And, they are going after, they are investigating, allegations of abuse and

they are training judges and they are seeking the truth and they are making

determinations against perpetrators that exceed what governments can do.

(OCP works with local authorities where there are new allegations of abuse,

but where allegations are of past abuse, or in areas of the world where the

legal system is not sufficient to take action, OCP establishes its own

judicial system and determines how to keep abusive people away from our

temples and our communities.)

 

You know something? Now we have to worry about whether or not we can

broadcast the results of OCP decisions! Why? Because we might be sued. For

determining that some people may have abused our children and for preventing

them from visiting the temples. What do you think of that?

 

Some want to sue because “nothing is being done.” Others may sue because we

are going too far by going after the perpetrators. Some accused of sexual

crimes even accuse that the ISKCON OCP paid people to testify against them!

 

I’m sorry that you have given up on ISKCON. I can’t blame you. You may have

suffered too much. Again I am sorry. To you and all of your friends and

contemporaries I can only pray as a member of your parent generation for

your forgiveness.

 

I don’t know why you suffered so. I know their was no intention for you to

suffer. I do know that although I can’t change the past, I can make a major

dent in the present and the future. That’s how Children of Krishna works.

Its just 4 gurukulis and 3 older generation devotees working with the

donations small and large of our friends (many of whom are ISKCON leaders)

to provide for care for our youth and to fix things past and present.

 

Should more resources be allocated there? Should our children be our number

one concern? Certainly. Should Krishna stop the suffering? Shouldn’t Srila

Prabhupada have set things up differently?

 

I don’t know. But, I can help. I pray that’s what more of the Vaishnava

community determines to do. It takes sacrifice and a willingness to do

something simply because it ought to be done.

 

That’s why my wife and I have given about $45.000 to Children of Krishna and

the OCP. That’s why next year we pledged $50,000. We’re not rich. But we’re

giving way more than the 50% that Srila Prahbupada asked. Because it ought

to be done.

 

Regarding the particulars of your letter. People accused of crimes and abuse

are being investigated. The process works. Leaders are learing to speak

straightforwardly, whatever the cost. CKI has established a toll free number

to be there for our youth. Jahnavi, a gurukuli herself who serves as our

executive director spends countless hours on the phone helping, refering to

others who can help, and arranging for grants for those in need. CKI was

unable to help the two young devotees that recently took their own lives.

But, we were there to provide counseling for the families and intimate

friends. We can do more and we will.

 

We can be instruments of Srila Prahupada’s pure vision if we are humble and

first and foremost do the right thing. Without ourselves being the source of

hate, envy, anger, lust, or the other qualities that are the root of all

pain.

 

I don’t know why Krishna allows so much suffering. I know that He has given

me the ability to minimize it and to help reduce spiritual and material

pain. I believe that Krishna wants us to work together to cure the ills in

our society and to help cure the ills of the world. None of us can do it

alone. Neither can my generation do it alone. Neither can yours. Mine was

foolish enough to think we could.

 

Now we just need to do all that we can. I serve as the Chair of Children of

Krishna. I also am a member of the GBC as of February, 1999. I’m sorry if

you hate me for that. I hope that I’m only there to promote the repair of

our society. Who knows how long I’ll last.

 

I’m sorry you say you can’t take it anymore. I have felt like that too often

lately. I pray that you pray for me that I will have the strenght to keep

taking it, because we have to improve things somehow.

 

Nothing mundane can solve the problems of this world. It will take something

God conscious to minimize the material and spiritual distress that exists in

the world. But, no spiritual society that does not address the physical,

emotional, and intellectual needs of its members will survive or bring about

good.

 

There are many sincere devotees within Srila Prabhupada’s ISKCON society.

And there are ways to be a part of the solution without doing “battle” from

the “outside.” At a recent academic conference I attended scholars were

discussing that historically the only way organizations can change is from

within. I invite you to reconsider helping us change it from within. Without

each other, there will be no one left to make the change, in ourselves, our

society, or the world.

 

Your servant,

 

Anuttama dasa

 

© CHAKRA 1st-Oct-1999