Call Off The Dogs!

[Guest guest]

On 16 Apr 1999, Prsnigarbha das wrote:

 

> My ex-wife and I have separated. I guess the lives of these two

> spirit souls don't follow the same path anymore. She had to leave

> for her own future, which is different from mine.

>

> ys Prisni dasi

 

 

Wow. That's cold.

 

 

One thing this "gender" change has done for Prsni is given him an active

tongue. I've never seen so many posts from him. Does that come with being a

woman? Sorry, I couldn't resist.

 

 

Personally, while I am sure you have been going through a lot of heavy

emotional and mental disturbances over this thing, I would recommend a little

more humility and discretion.

 

It is sure to create a feeling of defensiveness in you, especially with

ISKCON-type devotees who don't have much sympathy, but one has to admit one's

weaknesses Srila Prabhupada said. You are stating so often that you do not

understand why devotees are having a hard time understanding your choices in

life. You seem to point a finger at them/us implying that we are saying we are

self-realized and, if so, we should understand this thing easily. What seems

to be also implied is that you are saying such things facetiously and this

somehow means that actually we are fallen and ignorant and therefore we

shouldn't point any fingers at you for your choices which may have been born

from similar fallen nature?

 

We are not self-realized, at least I'm not, and I'm not pointing any fingers

at you. I have plenty of faults of my own. But that is the point, I HAVE

FAULTS. I do not want to say that all of my choices were done for my spiritual

advancement. Most of my choices are made to fulfill sense gratification of

some sort or another. I won't kid myself. I love the choices I have made in

regards to my Krsna conscious goals and personal righteous activities, but

they still remain a minority of my daily mental habits, speculations, wants,

bodily "pushings", etc. My better activities are gradually increasing, but I

know damn well that the fire of material desire that I am trying to extinguish

with the rain of mercy of Krsna consciousness only stays stronger as I keep

throwing ghee on the fire in the form of material desires. But I can get on

myself about it regularly and tell myself that these are not good things and I

have to give them up. If I simply deny my problems I'll never deal with them.

It keeps me from remembering Krsna which is what I love more than anything

WHEN I do it.

 

 

My mind gets agitated by sense objects very easily. I fulfill my desires in as

a discreet and regulated way as possible for me in my present consciousness.

The demands have diminished with age and devotional and varnasrama practice.

But never will I expect anyone to call my weakness of heart anything but that.

I hope they will forgive me and remain supportive of me like brothers and

sisters, or lovers and beloved, or friends with friends. But my bad choices

are mine and they will keep me out of the spiritual world for sure.

 

 

You have made choices in your life. These choices have not always come from

atma, but have come from the mind and senses. This is OK but one must admit

this fact in order to be honest with one's self. And with honesty we will

gradually rectify our situation and purify the mind which will improve in its

choices, coming closer to the choices of the soul.

 

You may be a woman in your mind or at least desire to be a woman, but you

will, for the rest of your life, have the body of a man as was awarded to you

by Krsna as the result of your past pious activities. No amount of surgery or

hormones will make your body generate an ovary nor will you have a monthly

menstrual cycle. The later you should be grateful for.

 

You obviously have unfulfilled desires which you think can be fulfilled with a

womans body. For you to take hormones to enlarge your breasts is testimony to

this fact. There are certainly happy women in the world with little or no

breasts to speak of. Breast size does not a happy woman make.

 

I have no problem with you making your choice. You can still chant the Holy

Names of the Lord, read Srila Prabhupada's Books and be a bhakta. This is

undeniable. But I do not think it is wise for one's own self realization to

deny the fact that we make some choices for sense gratification even though

otherwise we are trying to develop our God consciousness.

 

 

I say the foregoing with love and care for a fellow member of our virtual

varnasrama-dharma community. They are my opinions.

 

 

Bhakta Janesvara dasa