ISKCON Social Model

[Guest guest]

> We note that because Gandhari's future husband was blind, she fearing that

> because she could see would thus become proud and think herself superior

> to her husband.

 

Yes. Very nice example. Whatever the respective qualifications of husband

and wife -- and I think it is often possible that the wife is superior in

some respects, even spiritually (for example, Gandhari often seemed more

intelligent than her blind husband) -- still there has to be a 'boss' in the

relationship, and that should be the husband, at least according to sastra.

That seems to be Braja Sevaki prabhu's point also.

 

Srila Prabhupada talks about the wife following the husband's mood, as with

the following statements:

 

"This is an indication of the relationship between husband and wife. A great

personality like Cyavana Muni has the temperament of always wanting to be in

a superior position. Such a person cannot submit to anyone. Therefore,

Cyavana Muni had an irritable temperament. His wife, Sukanya, could

understand his attitude, and under the circumstances she treated him

accordingly. If any wife wants to be happy with her husband, she must try to

understand her husband's temperament and please him. This is victory for a

woman." SB 9.3.10

 

"It is very important for peaceful householder life that a woman follow the

vow of her husband. Any disagreement with the husband's vow will disrupt

family life." SB 7.11.25

 

Of course it helps if the husband actually does have a vow :-) And, as

Braja Sevaki points out, takes seriously his spiritual responsibility toward

his dependants. But these days most husbands I see, including myself, are

having enough difficulty delivering themselves, never mind anyone else. A

drowning man can hardly save another floundering person. So what to do? In

my experience things work well if husband and wife are mutually supportive,

helping each other toward achieving the ultimate goal of Krishna

consciousness. I think it is a big mistake for husbands to think that they

only need to take care of their own spiritual life and their wives will

"automatically" make advancement. They have to work together, hear and

chant together and facilitate each other's advancement. Prabhupada writes:

"The best process for making the home pleasant is Krsna consciousness. If

one is in full Krsna consciousness, he can make his home very happy, because

this process of Krsna consciousness is very easy. One need only chant Hare

Krsna, Hare Krsna, Krsna Krsna, Hare Hare/ Hare Rama, Hare Rama, Rama Rama,

Hare Hare, accept the remnants of foodstuffs offered to Krsna, have some

discussion on books like Bhagavad-gita and Srimad-Bhagavatam, and engage

oneself in Deity worship. These four things will make one happy. One should

train the members of his family in this way. The family members can sit down

morning and evening and chant together." Bg13.8-12

 

I feel that this process is saving me and my wife and indeed our marriage.

Hearing and chanting together is our number one priority and we try to mould

our whole lives around that priority. In my view, that is the basis from

which everything else can happen. Many of us come from duskrtina

backgrounds and until we have begun some serious purification it is very

difficult to meet the high standards of varnashrama dharma.

 

ys

Kdd