GBC EXECUTIVE COMMITTEE STATEMENT

[Guest guest]

LETTER FROM SATSVARUPA MAHARAJA

 

May 1, 2004

 

Dear Maharajas and Prabhus,

 

Please accept my humble obeisances. All glories to Srila Prabhupada.

 

There has been gathering exposure that I, Satsvarupa Maharaja and

a female devotee had a short-lived romantic involvement about one and a

half years ago. As many of you may know, I have tried many therapies over

the years to try and cure what is a severe case of "anxiety disorder

anticipatory migraine." In one such effort a godsister was helping me as a

counselor, and regrettably I held sessions alone with her. And so the

relationship developed.

 

I certainly committed a mistake, and I felt relieved when I wrote

a letter of confession to the ISKCON sannyasa minister. He asked me if she

and I had sexual intercourse, and I honestly said "no." Krsna saved us

from that.

 

I feel like I want to explain what steps I've taken to protect

myself from further problems. The saying "once burnt, twice shy"

certainly applies to me. In addition to any consequences endorsed by the

GBC, I feel great personal shame. On the other hand, this has increased

my intimacy with Krsna in prayer. I know, for example, that a sannyasi

should never be alone with a woman. I am suffering third-degree burns by

disobeying this simple first instruction for sannyasis. I'm determined to

never make that same mistake again. I am praying constantly to Prabhupada

and associating with my Godbrothers in a humble mood.

 

My health is not good, but I don't wish to dwell on it here. I'm

under the care of an expert psychiatrist MD and an authorized counsellor

who is helping me with my anxiety issues. I consider my status to be

semi-retired. I will not be initiating any new devotees. I am serving the

devotee community by writing books and also answering letters. I served in

an active capacity for almost 40 years and I can't keep it up. I am not

avoiding the society of devotees. I simply can't travel in cars or planes

to go to temples or festivals, to sing or dance or give lectures. Maybe

each of you will reach that stage sooner or later.

 

I am profoundly sorry that I slipped and fell on the road this

way, a 64-year-old sannyasi who had no other brush with a woman. I thought

for sure I'd get through to the end with a perfect record. Krsna must have

seen I was proud. I pray He allows me to remain in ISKCON and follow the

rules and regulations to my dying day. I heard that Sridhara Swami told a

Godbrother just before he passed away, "Be who you are and make a

contribution." I think I have written this same sentence in my books. I

fall at the feet of all devotees and ask their forgiveness.

 

Yours in the service of Prabhupada,

Satsvarupa das Goswami