Cars and computers

[Guest guest]

>

>

>

> > JEWISH AIR CONDITIONING !!

> >

> > It was a sweltering August day when the Cohen brothers entered the posh

> > Dearborn, Michigan, offices of Henry Ford, the car maker, "Mr. Ford,"

> > announced Norman Cohen, the eldest of the three. "We have a remarkable

> > invention that will revolutionize the automobile industry,"

> > Ford looked skeptical, but their threat to offer it to the

> > competition kept his interest piqued. "We would like to demonstrate it to

> > you in person."

> > After a little cajoling, they brought Mr. Ford outside and asked him to

> > enter a black automobile parked in front of the building.

> > Hyman Cohen, the middle brother, opened the door of the car.

> > "Please step inside, Mr. Ford."

> > "What!" shouted the tycoon, Are you crazy? It must be two hundred degrees

> > in that car!"

> > "It is," smiled the youngest brother, Max, "but sit down Mr. Ford, and

> push

> > the white button,"

> > Intrigued, Ford pushed the button. All of a sudden a whoosh of freezing

> air

> > started blowing from vents all around the car, and within seconds the

> > automobile was not only comfortable, it was quite cool.

> > "This is amazing!" exclaimed Ford. "How much do you want for the patent?"

> > Norman spoke up, "The price is one million dollars,"

> > Then he paused. And there is something else. The name 'Cohen Brothers

> > Air-conditioning' must be stamped right next to the Ford logo!Money is

> > no problem,"

> > retorted Ford, "but no way will I have a Jewish name next to my logo on

my

> > cars!'

> > They haggled back and forth for a while and finally they settled.

> > Five million dollars, but the Cohens' name would be left off.

> > However, the first names of the Cohen brothers would be forever

emblazoned

> > upon the console of every Ford air conditioning system.

> > And that is why even today, whenever you enter a Ford vehicle, you will

> see

> > those three names clearly printed on the air conditioning control panel:

> >

> > NORM, HI and MAX

> > ______

> >

> > If GM were Microsoft

> > _____

> >

> >

> > For those of you who have had experience with computers and their

glitches

> > and idiosyncrasies and downright illogical workings, you'll appreciate

> > the following.

> >

> > At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared

> > the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept

> > up with the technology like the computer industry has, we would all be

> > driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."

> >

> > In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release

> > stating: "If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all

> > be driving cars with the following characteristics:-

> >

> > For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

> >

> > Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy

> > a new car.

> >

> > Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason.

> > >You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the

car

> > >windows, shut it off, restart it, and reopen the windows before you

> could

> > >continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

> >

> > Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause

> your

> > car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have

> > to reinstall the engine.

> >

> > Only one person at a time could use the car unless you bought "CarNT,"

> > but then you would have to buy more seats.

> >

> > Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable,

five

> > times as fast and twice as easy to drive -- but would only run on

> > five percent of the roads.

> >

> > The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all

> > be replaced by a single "General Protection Fault" warning light.

> >

> > New seats would force everyone to have the same sized butt.

> >

> > The airbag system would ask "are you SURE?" before deploying.

> >

> > Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out

> > and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the

> > door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

> >

> > GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand

> > McNally Road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need

> > nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause

> > the car's performance to diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would

> > become a target for investigation by the Justice Dept.

> >

> > Every time GM introduced a new car, car buyers would have to learn to

> drive

> > all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same

> > manner as the old car.

> >

> > You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.