FW: [VY] English Essay

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Letter PAMHO:5337464 (154 lines) [W1]

Internet: "MVM" <bhaktam (AT) hotmail (DOT) com>

18-Mar-02 13:48

Radhe Govinda (das) ISM (Laksmi Nrsimha Tour - PL) [1050]

FW: [VY] English Essay

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Haribol all.

 

Something I came across that had me in histerics!

 

ESSAY - WHY THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE IS SUCH A JOY TO LEARN!

 

 

1) The bandage as wound around the wound.

 

 

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

 

 

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

 

 

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

 

 

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

 

 

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

 

 

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to

present the present.

 

 

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

 

 

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

 

 

10) I did not object to the object.

 

 

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

 

 

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

 

 

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

 

 

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

 

 

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

 

 

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

 

 

17) The wind was too strong to wind up the sail.

 

 

18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.

 

 

19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

 

 

20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

 

 

21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

 

 

Let's face it - English is a crazy language.

 

 

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor

pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French

fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't

sweet, are meat.

 

 

We take English for granted. But if we explore it's paradoxes, we

find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are squares and a guinea

pig is neither from Guinea, nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers

write but fingers don't fing? Grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

 

 

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One

goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it

seem crazy that you can make amends but not one mend, that you comb through

annals of history but not a single annal? If you have a bunch of odds and

ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? If retired

teachers taught, did retired preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats

vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

 

 

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an

asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play

and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses

that run and feet that smell?

 

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man

and a wise guy are opposites? How can overlook and oversee be opposites,

while quite a lot and quite a few are alike? How can the weather be hot as

hell one day and cold as hell another?

 

Have you noticed that we describe certain things only when they are

absent? A horseless carriage, a strapless gown. Have you ever seen a

horseful carriage or a strapful gown? Met a sung hero or experienced

requited love?

 

Have you ever run into someone who was combobulated, gruntled, ruly

or peccable? And where are all those people who ARE spring chickens or who

would ACTUALLY hurt a fly? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a

language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill

in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

 

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the

creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all). That

is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are

out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch does it start,

but when I wind up this essay, it ends?

 

Enjoy, dearest people.

 

Love and Huge Congratulations to Adam and Easter for the Joyous birth of

their baby daughter :-)

 

Love to all

 

Subhadra xoxoxoxox :-)

 

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