Guest guest Posted January 20, 2003 Report Share Posted January 20, 2003 Dear customer of the Supreme Being, God. The Lord would like to thank you for your belief and patronage. In order to better serve your needs, He asks that you take a few moments to answer the following questions. Please keep in mind that your responses will be kept completely confidential, and that you need not disclose your name or address unless you prefer a direct response to comments or suggestions. 1. How did you find out about God? ___ New Testament ___ Torah ___ Book of Mormon ___ Koran ___ Bhagavad Gita etc ___ A vision ___ Television ___ Some New Age garble ___ Word of mouth ___ Me mom told me ___ Tabloid ___ Burning Shrubbery ___ Who? ___ Other (specify): _____________ 2. Which model God did you acquire? ___ Jehovah ___ Allah ___ Just plain God ___ Krishna ___ Father, Son & Holy Ghost (Trinity Pack) ___ Zeus and entourage (Olympus Pack) ___ Odin and entourage (Valhalla Pack) ___ Gaia/Mother Earth/Mother Nature ___ None of the above; I was taken in by a false god 3. What factors were relevant in your decision to acquire a God? Please check all that apply. ___ Indoctrinated by parents ___ Needed a reason to live ___ Inquisitive ___ Seeking wealth ___ Through suffering ___ I read a lot of weird books ___ Brainwashed ___ Wanted to meet girls/boys ___ Fear of death ___ To p1ss off parents ___ Enjoy music and dance etc ___ Needed focus on whom to despise ___ Needed to feel morally superior ___ Liked the food 4. Are you currently using any other source of inspiration in addition to God? __ Yes __ No If Yes, please check all that apply. __ Self-help books __ Tarot, Astrology __ Hatha yoga __ Covey __ Biorhythms __ EST __ Television __ Chocolate __ Crystals __ Bloody human sacrifice __ Wandering around in desert __ Speculative and alternative philosophies witin various spin-off groups __ Other:_____________________ 5. Have you ever worshiped a false God before? __ Yes __ No If so, which false God were you fooled by? Please check all that apply. ___ Lottery and money ___ Baal ___ Beelzebub ___ The wife ___ The Conservative Party ___ Mick Jagger ___ Mushrooms ___ Other: ________________ 6. God also attempts to maintain a balanced level of disasters and miracles. Please rate on a scale of 1 to 5 God's handling of the following: (1 = unsatisfactory, 5 = excellent): Disasters: 1 2 3 4 5 Flood 1 2 3 4 5 Famine 1 2 3 4 5 Earthquake 1 2 3 4 5 War 1 2 3 4 5 Pestilence 1 2 3 4 5 Plague 1 2 3 4 5 AOL 1 2 3 4 5 My life Miracles: 1 2 3 4 5 Amazing rescues 1 2 3 4 5 Crying statues 1 2 3 4 5 Hindu statues that drink milk 1 2 3 4 5 Water changing to wine 1 2 3 4 5 Stars hovering over towns 1 2 3 4 5 VCRs that set their own clocks 7. Do you have any additional comments or suggestions for improving the quality of God's services? ______________ ______________ ______________ ______________ Thankyou for your time. You will now be on our database for the rest of your life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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