naughty sermon

[Guest guest]

A young new priest before his first mass so nervous he could hardly get off

his chair to speak to the congregation. To encourage him, a more experienced

priest whispered to him, "When I am worried about getting in the pulpit, I

put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I

take a sip..."

 

So the young priest took his advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got

nervous and took a drink. Upon his return to his office after mass, he found

the following note on the door:

 

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Congratulations on your first sermon. But for next time, please take the

following into consideration:

 

1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.

2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J. C.

7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior

and the Spook.

8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh*t out of him.

9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he

was stoned off his ass.

10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."

11. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry,"

12. Jesus was "lying in a manger", not "lying with a stranger".

13. Adam KNEW his wife Eve, and they begot sons. There was no need to go

into any more detail.

13. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a

Peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

 

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