Swami's 2003 State of the Universe Address

[Guest guest]

Swami's 2003 State of the Universe Address

 

                                      by Swami Beyondananda

 

Hello everybody -- it is great to be here ... and you know

what? We really have no choice. Because no matter where we

are, we are always here. And it is always now. In fact,

there's even a book called The Power of Now. I haven't had

time to read it yet, but I hope to get to it in a later now.

 

Meanwhile, back in this now, the issue facing the United

States, and indeed the world is, will George Bush give in to

his Big Iraq Attack and order up a war? Latest reports say

that a war to force a regime change in Iraq will cost $200

billion. It is puzzling to me why some of those fiscal

fitness fanatics in the Republican Party haven't tried to

find a cheaper way to do it. Maybe if they offered the

Iraqis half -- $100 billion -- they could do it themselves.

Then we'd still have $100 billion left to spend on regime

change in this country.

 

Because -- and I have to be blunt here -- the folks we have

in charge are fossils fueled by fossil fuels. And in the

reptilian brain, problems aren't solved, they're attacked.

Like the War on Poverty. Remember that? I'm happy to report

that it's finally over. The poor people have all

surrendered. And take the War on Drugs -- please! How many

billions have they spent? My solution is cheaper and more

effective ... improve reality!

 

Now we have the War on Terrorism. We're going to terrorize

those terrorists into giving up terrorism if it's the last

thing we do! And it just might be. The good news is -- and I

have it on the Highest Authority -- there will indeed be

peace on Earth. Whether we humans are around to enjoy it,

that is up to us.

 

No wonder there is so much fear, uncertainty and confusion

on the planet. I'll tell you how bad it's gotten. You've

heard of Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle? Well, they're

not even sure about THAT anymore. And so, more and more

people are turning to the mystics for answers.

 

I have often said there are two kinds of mystics, the

optimystics and the pessimystics. Now pessimystics seem to

be more in touch with "reality," but optimystics are happier

and live longer for some reason. The pessimystics have been

crying, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!" The

optimystics say, "No. It just looks that way because we are

ascending."

 

Now, for those people who read the news -- not to mention

those unfortunate enough to BE in the news -- last year was

not an easy year to keep an optimystic attitude with so much

pessimystic evidence. Call me a hopeless "hopium" addict,

but I choose to accentuate the positive. For example, you

can say we human beings have moved further down the path of

self-destruction. Or you could say the Earth is ridding

itself of a virulent parasite.

 

You can despair over continuing war, disease and starvation,

or you can go, "Hey, population control the good, old

fashioned way -- without birth control or abortion." Who

says "compassionate conservative" is an oxymoron?

 

You can worry about the government taking liberties with our

liberties or you can say, "Life has become simpler! They've

boiled the Bill of Rights down to just one: You have the

right to remain silent."

 

So I am not going to dwell on the negative. As my guru Harry

Cohen Baba used to say, "Life is like photography ... we use

the negative to develop." So let us look at the bright side.

 

Like technological advances, for example. Forty years ago

President John F. Kennedy promised to have a man on the moon

by the end of the 1960s. Well, we have far exceeded that.

Thanks to the so-called Patriot Act, George Bush can have a

man on Uranus by the end of the week!

 

George Bush was responsible for a great spiritual advance

last year, as well. He upgraded the Golden Rule for the new

millennium. It's now the Gold Rule: "Doodoo unto others

before they can doodoo unto you."

 

And -- say what you will -- President Bush has made great

strides on behalf of minority representation. Never before

have we had a President who was looking out for a smaller

minority.

 

Now this is the State of the Universe Address, and seen from

that higher perspective, things look great! I am happy to

report that the Universe continued to expand in 2002, and in

fact, they actually had to let the Photon Belt out a another

notch. An expanding Universe means more jobs too, so we can

expect a steady influx of aliens looking for work. Yep, the

Universe just keeps purring in perfection, ever-changing as

usual. The planets continue to harmoniously spin in their

orbits, and except for the occasional case of asteroids,

they just calmly go about their business.

 

Meanwhile, back here on earth, things are a bit more

problematical. We still haven't fully recovered from that

vicious dogma attack of 911. But as an optimystic, I believe

you can indeed teach an old dogma new tricks, simply by

changing the emPHAsis to another sylLABle. Instead of

focusing only on emergency measures, why not take emerge 'n

SEE measures?

 

When we emerge from our fearful hiding places and see from

the cosmic comic perspective, we realize that beneath all

the stress and distress and sadness in life there is a deep

well of joy. Each time we let laughter bubble up from the

well, we experience deep wellness. Levity helps us overcome

gravity, especially when we shine the light of laughter on

those poorly-lit corridors of power.

 

Do you know what the leading cause of terrorism is? It's

seriousness. I'm serious. Think about it. Those people have

no sense of humor. Otherwise how could they believe they

will get to heaven by putting other people through hell?

Here is my vision: A suicide bomber arrives at the Gates of

Heaven, and God clops him over the head and says, "SCHMUCK!

What'd you do that for? 72 virgins? YOU get one 72-year-old

virgin, and his name starts with Ayatollah!"

 

But if Americans are willing to revive the Iraqi Horror

Picture Show just to feed our out-of-control oil habit, how

are we that different? How many innocents will be put

through hell, just to preserve our little corner of relative

heaven? There is no real peace without harmony and balance,

only the vicious cycle of injustice. Peons get tired of

getting peed on, right? You get pissed on, and pretty soon

you're gonna get pissed off. This causes the hot spots to

flare, and pretty soon you have an uprising, which usually

results in a downfall. All these uprisings and downfalls can

be wearing on the body politic.

 

Fortunately, we do have a choice. One of my favorite stories

recently is about a Native American grandfather talking to

his young grandson. He tells the boy he has two wolves

inside of him struggling with each other. The first is the

wolf of peace, love and kindness. The other wolf is fear,

greed and hatred. "Which wolf will win, grandfather?" asks

the young boy. "Whichever one I feed," is the reply.

 

Every day -- every moment -- we have the choice to feed the

wolf of love or the wolf of fear. It is interesting that we

are called humanKIND. What better time than now to find out,

can mankind treat man kindly?

 

I have a dream ... I call it tell-a-vision. I say, if you're

dissatisfied with the current programming, you can turn off

your TV and tell a vision instead. Here is my vision:

Remember the Manhattan Project during World War II? It took

less than four years for a group of scientists to develop

the first weapon of mass destruction. My vision is, we can

do even better for an even worthier goal. We could call it

the Manhelpin Project, and its purpose would be to develop

the first weapon of mass construction instead.

 

Think about it. What if we used that $200 billion set to

detonate in Iraq, and put it toward becoming the worldwide

leader in renewable, clean, sustainable energy sources? Now

there's some real power. Create something so plentiful you

don't have to pay an army to protect your share. A healthy

income, a healthy outcome ... what could possibly make more

sense? Boy, talk about feeding two birds with one scone!

 

The choice is up to us. If we want an alternative, we must

feed the "alter native" economy ... anything that alters us

natives for the better. The world we live in is a byproduct

of the products we buy, is it not? What if we only choose to

buy products with healthy byproducts? Think about this:

There are at least 45 million Americans who consciously want

to feed the wolf of peace. If each of us switched just $100

into the alter native economy, that would be $4.5 billion!

 

Last year, we launched a blisskrieg and declared "all out

peace." I'm happy to report it is already working. More

people are letting their inner peace out, and these

outbreaks of peace are actually causing esteem to rise! And

we all know that rising esteem is good for the atmosphere.

As esteem rises, more people on the planet will be able to

be all that they can be -- without joining the army. And

when more of us put our energy into love and laughter

instead of criticizing and condemning, we will have

Uncritical Mass ... and we will bring about Nonjudgment Day,

and along with it, Disarmaggedon. Now you might be

wondering, what will Nonjudgment Day look like? Let me tell

another vision.

 

I have been to the heights of levity, and I have seen people

all over the world dancing together in the universal dance

of fool realization ... The Hokey Pokey. I want you to hold

this vision with me: all of the world leaders at the United

Nations beginning their sessions with the Hokey Pokey. What

if Ariel Sharon and Yasser Arafat put their whole selves in

in? That would be commitment. And then pulled their whole

selves out. That is detachment. Then they turn themselves

around, which is transformation. And that, my friends, is

what it is all about!

 

So, how can you help raise the laugh force on the planet

enough to bring about Nonjudgment Day? First, you can take a

vow of levity, and laugh more. And we even have a Laughmore

Society to help you do just that. Next, you can support

everyone's right to laugh by joining the Right To Laugh

Party ... "One big party, everyone is invited. All for fun,

and fun for all."

 

Commit random acts of comedy. Practice Fun Shui and leave

the world a funnier place. Anything to elicit a moment of of

fool-realization with a spark of laughter. Because only when

we lovingly laugh at our foolishness, can we seriously

change things for the better . May you wake up laughing and

leave laughter in your wake ... and may the Farce be with

you!

 

© Copyright 2003 by Steve Bhaerman. All rights reserved. To

find out more about the Swami, and how you can promote

healing laughter and transformational comedy through the

Laughmore Society and the Right-To-Laugh movement, go to

www.wakeuplaughing.com or call Swami's hotline at 1-800-

SWAMI-BE.