Punjab Airways

[Guest guest]

Punjab Airways (Jelibi Singh style)

 

Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen. This is your captain Banta Singh

welcoming you to Punjab Airways. We apologize for the four day delay

in taking off, owing to bad weather and some overtime I had put in at the

bakery.

 

This is flight one two six flight to New Delhi. Landing in Delhi is not

guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in the East. And if luck is in our

favor, we may even be landing on your village!

 

Punjab Airways has an excellent record for safety. In fact our safety

standards are so high that even the terrorists are afraid to fly with us! It

is with pleasure I announce that starting this year over 50% of our

passengers have reached their destination. For the ones that don't quite

make it, Punjab Airways staff have all the requisite experience for

consoling the next-of-kin.

 

Our Stewardess Bubbly will be happy to brief you on our out of court

settlement policies. If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger

request, we can arrange to turn them off! To make your free fall to earth

pleasant and memorable, we serve complimentary tea and biscuits ! For our

religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you find out if

there really is a God!

 

We regret to inform you, that today's in-flight movie will not be shown as

we forgot to record it from the television. But for our movie buff, we will

be flying right next to Air India, where their movie will be visible from

the right side of the cabin window.

 

There is no-smoking in this airplane. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only

the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow down! Life jacket

are positioned under your seats and free bathing costumes are made available

to the aunties and swimming shorts to the uncles, for emergency jumps!

 

In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as possible

for the best view. If, however, we go a little too close do let us know. Our

enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the landmark !

 

Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take off and

fasten your belt. For those of you who can't find a seat belt, kindly fasten

your own belt to the arm of your seat. And for those of you who can't find a

seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a flight attendant for your

suitcase.

 

Sorry, but I won't be flying with you today because I have to attend my

nephew's wedding. But please make yourself at home and help yourself to the

cock pit. Thank you for choosing PunjabAirways.

 

HAVE A NICE JOURNEY.

"Balle, balle!"