January 1, 2004 *Attainable New Year's Resolutions*

[Guest guest]

Hare Krishna.

 

January 1, 2004

 

*Attainable New Year's Resolutions*

 

This year, I resolve to...

 

- Gain weight. At least 30 pounds.

 

- Stop exercising. Waste of time.

 

- Read less. Makes you think.

 

- Watch more TV. I've been missing some good stuff.

 

- Procrastinate more. Starting tomorrow.

 

- Spend more time at work, surfing with the T1.

 

- Take a vacation to someplace important: like, to see the largest ball of

twine.

 

- Not jump off a cliff just because everyone else did.

 

- Stop bringing lunch from home: I should eat out more.

 

- Not have eight children at once.

 

- Get in a whole NEW rut!

 

- Start being superstitious.

 

- Personal goal: bring back disco.

 

- Not bet against the Minnesota Vikings.

 

- Buy an '83 Eldorado and invest in a really loud stereo system.

 

- Get the windows tinted. Buy some fur for the dash.

 

- Speak in a monotone voice and only use monosyllabicwords.

 

- Only wear jeans that are 2 sizes too small and use a chain or rope for a

belt.

 

- Spend my summer vacation in Cyberspace.

 

- Create loose ends.

 

- Get further in debt.

 

- Not believe politicians.

 

- Not drive a motorized vehicle across thin ice.

 

- Avoid airplanes that spontaneously drop 1000 feet.

 

- Stay off the International Space Station.

 

- Not swim with pirhanas or sharks.

 

- Spread out priorities beyond my ability to keep track of them.

 

- Wait around for opportunity.

 

- Focus on the faults of others.

 

- Mope about my faults.

 

- Never make New Year's resolutions again.

 

Hare Krishna --

 

ysbd