Idiot Signs

[Guest guest]

>

> Number One Idiot of 2003

>

> > > I am a medical student currently doing a rotation

> in toxicology at the poison control center. Today,

> this woman called in very upset because she

> caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly

> reassured her that the

> ants are not harmful and there would be no need to

> bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down

> and at the end of the conversation happened to

> mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to

> eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she

> better bring her daughter into the emergency room

> right away.

>

> > > Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.

>

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>

> > > Number Two Idiot of 2003

>

> Early this year, some Boeing employees on the

> airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the

> 747s. They were successful in getting it out of

> the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a

> float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard

> helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that

> the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator

> beacon that activated when the raft was inflated.

> They are no longer employed at Boeing.

>

> > > Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the

> paint might run.

>

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>

> > > Number Three Idiot of 2003

>

> A true story out of San Francisco: A man, wanting

> to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the

> branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your

> muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to

> give his note to the teller, he began to worry that

> someone had seen him write the note and might call

> the police before he reached the teller's window. So

> he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to

> Wells Fargo. After waiting a few minutes in line, he

> handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read

> it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he

> wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him

> that she could not accept his stickup note because it

> was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and

> that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo

> deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking

> somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left. He

> was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in

> line back at Bank of America.

>

> Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably

> couldn't read it anyway.

>

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>

> > > Number Five Idiot of 2003

>

> A guy walked into a little corner store with a

> shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash

> drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the

> robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind

> the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put

> it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and

> said, "because I don't believe you are over 21". The

> robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to

> give it to him because he didn't believe him. At this

> point, the robber took his driver's license out of his

> wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it

> over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and

> he put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran

> from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly

> called the police and gave the name and address of the

> robber that he got off the license. They arrested the

> robber two hours later.

>

> > > This guy definitely needs a sign!

>

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>

> > > Idiot Number Six of 2003

>

> A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop

> nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted,

> "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled

> first bandit shot him. This guy doesn't need a sign,

> he probably figured it out himself.

>

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>

> > > Idiot Number Seven of 2003

>

> Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He

> decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a

> liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he

> lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at

> the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the

> would be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious.

> It seems the liquor store window was made of

> plexiglass. The whole event was caught on videotape.

> Oh, that smarts.

>

> Give him his sign.

>

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>

> > > Idiot Number Eight of 2003

>

> Ann Arbor: The Ann Arbor News crime column

> reported that a man walked into a Burger King in

> Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50 A. M., flashed a gun and

> demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he

> said he couldn't open the cash register without a food

> order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk

> said they weren't available for breakfast.

>

> The man, frustrated, walked away.

>

> Sign please.

>

> Please note that all of the above people are

> allowed to vote (and breed).

>

> Scary, isn't it?!

>