Doctor stories

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Doctor Stories

 

 

 

 

 

At the beginning of my shift, I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and

slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.

 

"Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remorsefully

replied the patient.

 

--Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA

 

 

One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her

husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five

minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he

had died of a "massive internal fart."

 

--Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada

 

 

I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test.

I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your

right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly.

 

"Now your left." Again, a flawless read.

 

"Now both!" I requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read the

large E on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly

what I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered.

I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.

 

--Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA

 

 

During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist,

he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his

medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch. The nurse told me to

put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to

put it!"

 

I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see.

Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now the instructions

include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.

 

--Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA

 

 

While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long

have you been bed-ridden?"

 

After a look of complete confusion she answered ...

 

Why, not for about twenty years -- when my husband was alive."

 

--Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR

 

 

I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So, how's your breakfast

this morning?"

 

"It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used

to the taste," the patient replied.

 

I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet

labeled "KY Jelly."

 

--Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI