Illusion, and real in-flight announcements

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Please find 'illusion' file attached...

 

 

Also, and in case you don't open the file, here are some real in-flight

announcements that have been heard or reported:

 

On landing the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all your belongings.

If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like

to have."

 

"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only four ways out

of this airplane."

 

As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone

voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"

 

"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from

the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask and pull it over your face. If

you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before

assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with more than one small child

pick your favourite."

 

"Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll

try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody

loves you or your money, more than ...... Airways."

 

"Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks are in the overhead area.

Please place the bag over your own mouth and nose before assisting children,

or other adults acting like children."

 

"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything

left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please

do not leave children or spouses."

 

Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask

you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

 

An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his

ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required

the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile

and give them a, "Thanks for flying ....... airline." He said that, in light

of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye,

thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had

gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said,

"Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?Why no Ma'am," said the pilot. "What

is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land or were we shot down?"