Free Heaven

[Guest guest]

An 85-year-old couple, after being married for almost 60 years, died in a car

crash. They had been in good health the last ten years, mainly due to her

interest in health food and exercising. When they reached the Pearly Gates, St.

Peter took them to their mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful

kitchen, master bath suite and a Jacuzzi. As they looked around, the old man

asked St. Peter how much all this was going to cost.

 

'It's free,' St. Peter replied, 'this is Heaven.' Next, they

went out in the back yard to survey the championship-style golf course that the

home was located on. They would have golfing privileges every day and each

week, the course changed to a new one representing the great golf courses on

earth. The old man asked, 'What are the green fees?'

 

St. Peter replied, 'This is heaven, you play for free.' Next, they went to the

club house and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisine's of the World laid

out. 'How much to eat?' asked the old man.

 

'Don't you understand yet? This is heaven, it is free!' St. Peter replied, with

some exasperation. 'Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol tables?'

the old man asked timidly. St. Peter lectured, 'That's the best part - you can

eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you

never get sick. This is Heaven.'

 

With that, the old man went into a fit of anger, throwing down his hat and

stomping on it, and screaming wildly. St. Peter and his wife both tried to calm

him down, asking him what was wrong. The old man looked at his wife and said,

'This is all your fault! If it weren't for your blasted bran muffins, I could

have been here ten years ago!'