The Bible According to Kids

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>> The Bible According to Kids

>>> -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

>>>

>>> The statements below have been written by actual students and are

genuine,

>>> authentic and not retouched or corrected:

>>>

>>> In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the

>>> world, so he took the Sabbath off.

>>>

>>> Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.

>>>

>>> Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.

>>>

>>> Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears.

>>>

>>> Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.

>>>

>>> The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble

with

>>> the unsympathetic Genitals.

>>>

>>> Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like

>>> Delilah.

>>>

>>> Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.

>>>

>>> Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread

>>> which is bread without any ingredients.

>>>

>>> The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert.

>>>

>>> Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten ammendments.

>>>

>>> The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.

>>>

>>> The fifth commandment is to humor thy father and mother.

>>>

>>> The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.

>>>

>>> Moses died before he ever reached Canada.

>>>

>>> Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.

>>>

>>> The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand

>>> still and he obeyed him.

>>>

>>> David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar.

>>>

>>> He fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical

>>> times.

>>>

>>> Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

>>>

>>> When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna

>>> Carta.

>>>

>>> When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in

>>> the manager.

>>>

>>> Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.

>>>

>>> St. John, the blacksmith, dumped water on his head.

>>>

>>> Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before

>>> they do one to you.

>>>

>>> He also explained, "a man doth not live by sweat alone."

>>>

>>> It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the

>>> tombstone off the entrance.

>>>

>>> The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.

>>>

>>> The epistles were the wives of the apostles.

>>>

>>> One of the opossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.

>>>

>>> St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is

>>> another name for marriage.

>>>

>>> A Christian should have only one spouse. This is called monotony

>>>

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